Shouldn't Life Be More Than This?

Wordless Wednesday: We need to teach girls

2012-02-01T05:30:00.000-06:00

For so many young (and old). Don't remember where I saw this, maybe on FB.

Starting another month of blogging each day.

What is your genius?

2012-01-31T18:03:00.000-06:00

Today during a professional development session about learning iWork, the facilitator asked us "What is your genius?"

He wanted to know what we are really good at beside teaching our subject matter. What are we really passionate about?

I was really shocked that so few people in the room had an answer.

Maybe they were ashamed to admit their online porn addiction, or their WOW game play, or maybe they are really unsure.

It was reassuring and kind of saddening all at the same time.

I don't know my genius, but I figured that I was alone in this.

He made us create a slideshow using iPhoto with about 10 slides. Mine ended up consisting of randomness.

A basket: I have a lot of random knowledge about random things - I once was at a trivia night with my mother and other lawyers and was able to answer many law questions better than them. My mom still says that I am really smart (sometimes even lets it slip that she thinks I am the smartest of my four siblings.)
The logo for How It's Made - I love that show and learning how things work and how they are put together.
A beautiful natural woman: Hair care - I love learning about how to care for natural hair. I am looking forward to growing mine back out so I can play more with it.
A piece of food: Nutrition - I can tell you about what to eat that is good for you, what you need to eat when you are pregnant, how much and what you should eat if you are trying to lose weight or build muscle. Unfortunately, I am often too lazy or tired after work to make really nutritious variety... I basically eat the same thing most days.
A trash can and a recycle symbol: Minimizing my life - Getting rid of something each day has worked this entire month and a half. I will try and continue through February. I am also trying to not associate with people who are continuously negative.
A pen and paper: I love to write. Even succeeded in completed this NaBloPoMo posting every single day in January. Not that every post was stellar or award-worthy, but I accomplished that mission and intend to do it again in February.

Maybe one day I will have a true genius. Then, perhaps it will be easier for me to figure out what I will be when I grow up.

Insane weather, sane spring sports?

2012-01-30T16:44:00.001-06:00

It is so beautiful outside - 66 in January in StL. Who could ask for better weather?

The weather is making me think of spring sports season.

I'm already starting to feel stressed about starting the track season and I still have 27 days until it starts.

We have no track at this time due to construction of a new one, and it will not be finished until about three or four weeks into the season.

I don't have a schedule complete. Unlike all of the other sports at the school that I know of, the AD does not make the schedule with other ADs. I have to make calls and email coaches and ADs to find out about meets and then coordinate them. Since we have no track, all meets are away and we can't do the basic stuff at the start of the season that I would normally do.

I am normally all about the track season and would have already been doing preseason conditioning with the kiddos. I have the backbones of a schedule and have not done preseason stuff.

And I am not really bothered by that.

I have enjoyed my time without it. Just like I enjoyed not doing summer track this past summer. Thirteen years of coaching school and summer each year is starting to wear on me. The summer was a good break.

I know that to some people, I am known for coaching.

This is somewhat saddening. I don't love it as much as some people seem to think that I do.

I know I am fairly good at it, but it is not something I am obsessed with like some people I have worked with in the summer time and that I have seen at other schools.

I called the first meeting with my assistant coaches for tomorrow and have a meeting with interested kids on Thursday and then the ball will officially be rolling.

I am not really nervous, I almost don't care - as evidenced by my lack of effort to start conditioning up to this point.

At the same time, I don't want to suck at anything that I do.

Hopefully, the great weather is a sign that the weather during the season will be tolerable.

I hope I can make it through the season with my sanity.

How relaxing has evolved

2012-01-29T13:37:00.001-06:00

The way I relax has changed over time.

When I was a kid, I loved to just read a book. Doing so was great. I could imagine that I was in that the world of the novel, I could let go and just read their story, I could learn about different parts of the world and different time periods in history. I also played out side or played games or put together puzzles.

In college, I loved to go to parties with my roommates. It was fun to just relax and dance. I loved to feel the bass in my bones. I still find it amazing how music can impact people - how you can really feel it. When I was competing (track) a lot of relaxation was had just vegging out in front of a tv, or talking with friends or catching up on sleep.

First year out of college and first year teaching, I loved to sit back and watch tv, go to music shows with the guy I was dating, and go to parties and bars.

It was during that time - post collegiate track career - that I started to love running. I lived in the perfect spot in Columbia, Missouri where I not only had an excellent view of nature, but also had easy access to a trail that was awesome. I remember how nice it felt to come home from school/work, slip on my sneaks, and hit the road/trail. I never listen to music when I run for a few reasons. First, I love to hear nature and my feet hitting the trails, second, I don't want to have some dangerous shit happen to me and not even realize it is coming because I am busy listening to a song in my earbuds.

I was still in great shape, though it was changing since I wasn't competing, but it was still awesome. My mind could roam, I could see animals, and I was relaxed.

When I moved back to St. Louis, relaxing became more about television and internet. And I got into a relationship that was time consuming in a good way. We watched movies and talked to relax. I still ran some times, but I still have not been in as great an area as CoMo, and I can't stand running inside or on a track.

I find that now, relaxing to me consists of escaping myself in some way. This can be by watching tv, by playing around on the internet, watching movies, and sometimes just playing Words With Friends or Unblock Me. Sometimes it is just a nap. I love to just drift off for a little while. Sometimes I actually feel like cleaning house is relaxing - vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen or bathroom, decluttering. It can even be as simple as a hug from my man. That is a feeling that can sometimes take my mind off of the daily grind.

Any of these are even better with a glass+ of wine.

They feel good.

I do want to get back into running, for now my morning yoga is a great way to start the day, but I don't think it has the same effect mentally as getting outside and feeling/hearing the air wiz past my ears as I run.

Another Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. Try it out yourself. There is info if you click the button.

Searching for living space

2012-01-28T15:04:00.001-06:00

Searching for a new apartment is getting annoying. Beginning to wish it was as fun and as exciting as House Hunters. I just want a decent place with a washer and dryer that is not falling apart as the house I am living in now seems to be doing. I also don't want to be paying $200+ for heat that doesn't even seem to be heating anything. I want it to have external windows, unlike the place I saw yesterday. I don't even mind the price since it will be cheaper than this place with all the additional bills and heat that I am paying for.

Right now, we are having a lot more people than ever before looking at this house. I am hopeful that it sells - though cautious of the person who would find this place grand. I just want it to sell.

The sun always rises

2012-01-27T16:23:00.000-06:00

The sun finally came out today.

I'm not sure when last I saw it, maybe a week or more.

It is amazing what just some sunlight can do for my psyche.

Of course it is not an immediate change of moods, but even seeing the sun right now, though it will set in about an hour is really uplifting.

Reminds me that good can come after long periods of dark cloudiness in life as well as in nature.

Alternate worlds, alternate endings

2012-01-26T15:59:00.000-06:00

When I was a kid, I used to wonder if there was a person somewhere in the world who was doing the exact same things as me at the exact same moments. Someone living my life in a different town and country - Twilight Zone-like, but not in a creepy way.

Now that I am older, I still wonder if there are people who have the same issues as me, people dealing with the same ups and downs, the same life indecisions, the same medical issues, the same family issues.

There are over 7 billion people in the world, it could be possible, right?

It really amazes me how life happens.

How there can be someone in the world who is going through some really hard shit at the same time that others are suffering through inconceivable drama. Even when I am sitting, planning lessons, there are people I know who are dealing with problems I wouldn't even wish on others. And at the same time, there are people I know who are living the good life with not a care in the world.

It is really something when you think about it.

I am kind of rambling, but there is a lot going on in my life and my immediate loved ones lives that really have me thinking about so many things, and nothing at all at the same time.

Wordless Wednesday: Fros not fights

2012-01-25T15:54:00.000-06:00

I love this...

From Frolab.

Naps, and not the kind on my head

2012-01-24T16:14:00.000-06:00

I used to love nap times when I was in preschool. How cool that I had a story read to me, let my food digest after eating some super yummy lunches (loved the home cooked food), and rest up before afternoon recess (I really had to have energy as I was one of the faster, stronger kids and was often responsible for pushing the merry-go-round - why don't they have those any more? Are they really that worried that a kid will fall underneath and get sucked into the netherworld? Or maybe it was all the rust and possibly-lead-ridden paint. They could always switch to plastic, couldn't they?).

When I was younger I was the designated Kid Sis #3 waker-up-er. She would not let any one else wake her up. She loved the way I did it, plus we were designated Best-Buds, even had a special way of holding hands. She was so cute. I would drive her to school in the mornings before going to school myself. Many mornings, I would get ready - get dressed, eat, make myself look decent, get my backpack ready, then wake her up. After making sure she was in a good mood, I would go back to my room and take about a 15-20 minute nap.

Best sleep ever!

At my old job, teachers did not have desks in the classroom. There were designated offices based on the subject you taught. Humanities were together. I had a desk in there that was perfect. It was large, and was set up right next to all the other desks perfectly. On long days when I had completed all of my grading and prepping, I could place my coat on the back of the chair, and sit under the desk in such a way that I would not be seen. I could put some kind of cloth on the ground, use my bag as a pillow and take the best. Naps. Ever.

Seriously.

I know some of you are likely thinking that I am a horrible teacher, not to toot my own horn, but you couldn't be more wrong. I had last hour prep and needed the rest in order to make it through all of the incessant drama of the district and be ready for track practice after school. When I was there at that school, the stress was so much that I basically lived with a headache all the time for about the last year and a half+ that I was there.

Others or you are thinking that I am a genius for making those 10-20 minute breaks happen with no one knowing. Well, KBO caught on, but I believe it was because I told her that I was doing it and that she should take advantage, too.

I haven't been able to do that with the new(er) gig. I must. Find. A. Way.

There would be nothing better for work productivity than if every job incorporated a nap time.

I know that in a school, that could lead to sex scandals with the students, but what about if it was just for teachers during their prep hours?

I should totally get our school to invest in this idea. Other occupations already have.

I don't even need anything as complex as the Google Nap pod pictured. I just need to be able to lay my head down to de-stress, juvenate and juvenate again. (From Pootie Tang, I realize the actual word is rejuvenate.)

Shooting for chain reactions

2012-01-23T16:02:00.000-06:00

This morning when I woke up, my mission was to not complain about anything today.

When I got to school, I ran my errands to the copy room and talked with a teacher who is usually a prime complainer (I didn't give in to her basic offers to add my two cents of complaining and tried to redirect her to the positive).

I did not complain all day. I believe I was even able to help some colleagues and students see the brighter side a few times today.

Then I was reminded that we had an all-school assembly in the morning which I had totally forgotten about until after school had started.

It was really mind blowing and was truly inspirational. I don't remember the speaker's name who came to the school, but he was great.

If you have not experienced Rachel's Challenge, check out the link here. There is also a Facebook page.

Rachel's Challenge is based on Rachel Scott, who was the first person to die in the 1999 Columbine school shootings.

There were stories of Rachel's journal thoughts, Rachel sitting with new students to the school who sat alone at her lunch table and Rachel went and sat with her, a special needs student who Rachel stood up for and Rachel began to spend time with between a class each day (who admits that he was going to commit suicide before Rachel impacted him).

The challenge is to start a chain reaction of kindness.

There are five main statements that the challenge pushes for people to follow (each of which tie to my desire to be better than I was yesterday).

See the best in people. Don't prejudge people and be sure to give people three chances to show you their hearts when you first meet them since they may be having a really bad day when you first meet. Every person has something good about them.
Dream big. Set goals.
Speak kindness to people since you never know how your words might impact them. And you never know what they are going through in their life. Reminds me of one of my favorite poems by Paul Laurence Dunbar.
Watch your inspirations. What you speak and hear is what you absorb and what you will eventually become.
Start a chain reaction. Share your love with people, especially the people you care about the most.

The Dunbar poem is fabulous:

We Wear the Mask

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

All fit into what I am trying to do in my life.

Oh, and I'll try and go another day with out complaining, too.

Consistently behind

2012-01-22T16:48:00.003-06:00

When I was younger days and weeks were pretty consistent. School during the week, Saturdays were filled with morning cartoons (which I don't really see too much now... not sure what kids do with their mornings now). Saturday afternoons were fun time, reading time, and just relaxing. In high school, Saturdays were track meets. Sundays were church and homework and family time.

As I've gotten older my weeks are still pretty consistent. Work, try and relax after work, play on the internet. Weekends are for running errands and trying to catch up on rest. Every so often, I get to catch up with friends on the weekends or a night or two during the week.

Unfortunately, I wish the days weren't so consistent.

More fun, more planning to make things better in my life would be great.

I need to mix it up so that I can reach higher.

I feel behind on many levels.

I am not where I want to be with even simple things like hair growth, or with more complex things like family, and career.

I'm not sure where I want to be career-wise, but I know that I want more. I just need to figure out what that more is and then work out a plan of how to get that more.

This week during one of our professional development days, I had a revelation.

I realized that I am good at leading other teachers. I don't know what it is, but for some reason, when I talk, they all listen. This isn't the first time I have noticed this, but this time around, it really moved me as I looked around the room and saw all eyes on me. When I was finished sharing my views on what we were doing, there was not a sound. It was like they were all waiting to hear more and to gain more direction/advice.

I have been told by some of the admin in the building that I would make a great administrator, but I don't know if I would want to do all of the other stuff involved in being a principal. Perhaps something with social justice. I will have to look into those types of occupations.

Five minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post.
Click to see more posts.

Tupac keeps me going

2012-01-21T14:32:00.001-06:00

I used to be "in love" with Tupac Shakur.

I memorized almost every one of his songs, read his book of poetry, had a poster of him in my bedroom and just about died when he also became a fabulous actor as well. I was glued to Kurt Loder's updates (when MTV was actually relevant) when I found out he was shot and later when he died.

One quote that stands out to me regularly from Pac is one that is so true, even though sometimes it doesn't seem possible or that I am capable of holding on.

I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing. Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep ya head up... and handle it.

How can you not love a man that speaks such beauty and truth?

Boys reminiscing on HS?

2012-01-20T14:15:00.002-06:00

I almost squealed with glee today during my supervision when I overheard a boy student telling a girl student that it didn't make sense that a boy who was 23 would be interested in dating a girl still in high school and not even 18.

I have never understood the appeal for a person that old to talk to someone still in high school.

Even people who go off to college and have a senior (HS) GF/BF don't always make it because their lives don't mesh any more.

And what do they have to talk about?

I guess how the older one is going to sneak booze to the younger one since it is legal for him to buy it. I guess how he loves her and wants to sleep with her to show that love. I guess how he really is cool, even though he wants to date some one who hasn't yet finished high school.

Strange to me.

Especially the girls who say that their parents know about the BF and even let the girl stay the night with the guy.

Weird.

In class today the boy said to the student that she was dating a pedophile.

He talked about how he had to step in one time when his HS-age sister was trying to date a soldier who was 24.

I won't go as far as to use that term, but I do think that older people should not be with high school students.

Frozen fingers or popped tires?

2012-01-19T14:32:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I was running late to work. One reason was because I slept late, but the reason I am going to blame is the weather.

It was super cold and I had to wait for the windows to defrost so I could see out of them and not crash.

While waiting for greater visibility, I heard a beeping noise (one of the Mini's notifications) and then the symbol I took a picture of to the left.

Low air in the tire. I don't like driving with notifications on. Even when the gas light comes on, I always want to get to a station as soon as possible. I guess that comes from having an old janky car for so long, as well as from hearing stories of people who thought they had 80 miles left of gas only to run out 20 miles from a gas station, or seeing people on the side of the street in the rain trying to change a tire.

Almost as soon as I saw this symbol, the local weather was being talked about on the morning radio show.

16˚F.

I thought I heard wrong, and the temperature gauge on the car was covered because the low tire image was on.

But then I realized that it is probably correct because even after 5 minutes, there was still frost on the windows and my fingers were still numb.

How was I going to add air to the tires in this cold and dark weather?

I wasn't.

I drove super carefully to school and then did it after school when the temperature got up to the upper 20s/low 30s. I cursed before getting out of the car and then had my hands become hard to move from the cold.

But, now my tires are at the correct pressure and I can, again, see just how cold it is when I look at the dash board.

Worldless Wednesday: Opposing SOPA

2012-01-18T11:50:00.003-06:00

SOPA: See more information from techdirt.com here, too.

Click to Contact Congress

Click to sign Google Petition

Thanks to Four Hens and a Rooster for this Wordless Wednesday idea to join in the protests.

More than just teaching

2012-01-17T15:04:00.000-06:00

As a teacher, I have to deal with a lot of unusual, uncomfortable things beyond the scope of just teaching the content.

Oh, you'd like to know a few? There is the unintentional/uncomfortable comedy that happens at assemblies when big girls booty pop on a handstand (toward the end of the page is a description of the popping). How about yucky kids who come to school deathly ill and dare me not to become sick. Or the year that there was an epidemic of ringworm, staph, swine flu, shingles, mono all within a 3 month span.

Then there are some of the different discussions I have had to have with kids:

"No, she might not like you if she is going to the dance with someone else and won't return your texts."
"No, you can't use me as an alibi for when you were in an area of the school without permission, and not where you were supposed to be, just because you stopped in to politely ask how I am doing. You are still unexcused. You should still get in trouble."
"Yes, you are beautiful, even if boys your age do not tend to see it, yet. Let me show you some beautiful African and African-descent women that you resemble so you can see how beautiful you really are."
"No you should not be dating him if he is in jail and about to go to a half-way house even if he has written you long, loving letters while he was locked up."
"Yes, it is probably time for you to leave him if he punched you in your face and you are more worried about how your dad will react than how you are going to deal with the issue and him doing it to you again."
"No, I will not give you five or dap because you have some sort of thing going on with your hand that looks contagious. Let's just do the head nod instead."
"No, you should not let a teacher call you a waste of skin and a waste of life."
"Yes, you should tell an administrator if a teacher is singling out the black kids by not helping them and only offering assistance and extra attention to the white students."

Today, I had to deal with one even worse than the kid I once had who seemed to drink at least five mini-milk cartons (not sure if it was the regular or one of the fancy vanilla, cookies and cream, or strawberry flavors) before first hour each morning. This doesn't sound bad until you understand that the kid was severely lactose-intolerant. Severely.

But this was worse because it seems to be getting worse each day and today it manifested itself into the worst nasal discomfort I've had to suffer through in quite some time - literally caused me to choke at one point.

There are kids who congregate out side my classroom during passing time to chill, talk, hack the sack, or sit and relax. I never really knew if the uncomfortable smell was the students, or the sack, or the smell that came from students' dirty shoes being raised into the air to meet the hacky sack, or what.

Today I figured out that it may just be one of my students.

S/He came into class during the break as I was leaving and the BO was unbearable. When the class period started and I went back into the room the smell had migrated throughout the whole room. Of course there were some students who mentioned the smell, but not wanting the student to feel attacked, I told the kids maybe it was a something outside or maybe someone in the art or shop rooms below us was cooking up something. I then lit some candles - one for my desk and one that I moved to a more central location.

This helped but it was still pretty bad.

I share this not because I am being a mean, horrible teacher and making fun of the kid.

I am seriously concerned and talk with the school nurses when I smell something this rank. The smell reminds me of first grade when I had a hermit crab that I was supposed to take care of for the class and it died and smelled really, really bad. If it's not a deodorant issue, there may be more issues with the student's home life that needs to be addressed by the guidance workers in conjunction with the nurses.

As a mandatory reporter, this is, to me, a first step to prevent any problems.

Let us be dissatisfied

2012-01-16T13:07:00.000-06:00

I know that the man had several issues that made him not perfect, and really, who doesn't?

Here is a segment from MLK, Jr's "Where Do We Go From Here?" speech at the SCLC conference in August 1967.

I have emphasized segments that stand out to me STILL in 2012.

What I’m saying today is that we must go from this convention and say, “America, you must be born again!”

And so, I conclude by saying today that we have a task, and let us go out with a divine dissatisfaction.

Let us be dissatisfied until America will no longer have a high blood pressure of creeds and an anemia of deeds.

Let us be dissatisfied until the tragic walls that separate the outer city of wealth and comfort from the inner city of poverty and despair shall be crushed by the battering rams of the forces of justice.

Let us be dissatisfied until those who live on the outskirts of hope are brought into the metropolis of daily security.

Let us be dissatisfied until slums are cast into the junk heaps of history, and every family will live in a decent, sanitary home.

Let us be dissatisfied until the dark yesterdays of segregated schools will be transformed into bright tomorrows of quality integrated education.

Let us be dissatisfied until integration is not seen as a problem but as an opportunity to participate in the beauty of diversity.

Let us be dissatisfied until men and women, however black they may be, will be judged on the basis of the content of their character, not on the basis of the color of their skin. Let us be dissatisfied.

Let us be dissatisfied until every state capitol will be housed by a governor who will do justly, who will love mercy, and who will walk humbly with his God.

Let us be dissatisfied until from every city hall, justice will roll down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.

Let us be dissatisfied until that day when the lion and the lamb shall lie down together, and every man will sit under his own vine and fig tree, and none shall be afraid.

Let us be dissatisfied, and men will recognize that out of one blood God made all men to dwell upon the face of the earth.

Let us be dissatisfied until that day when nobody will shout, “White Power!” when nobody will shout, “Black Power!” but everybody will talk about God’s power and human power.

We still have work to do. I'm not a proponent of some of the Civil Rights ideology, but I do believe that people should be treated well, that people should have the opportunity to be better in all aspects of their lives.

Unfortunately, this is still not so.

Subconsciously pleasing

2012-01-15T11:43:00.001-06:00

Even though I am a grown ass woman, I still have a tendency to want to please the parents.

I believe that I am doing some things in my life that I could move on from or do differently just because I subconsciously do not want to upset them or put more stress on their lives.

I am starting to get better at not doing this, but I think that I still need work.

I know I am far from where they were at this stage in life and I know that I am not as comfortable as I would like to be. So why is it hard to say no to them when doing so could help me be better? It's not like they can spank me or ground me or take anything away from me.

I guess I just want to be seen as a good daughter. I know they say that they are proud of me, but I guess I just want to not do anything that would change their opinion.

Crazy, I know.

Sunday Stream of Consciousness post - five minutes of free writing.

To see others, click the badge below.

Car and face maintenance

2012-01-14T16:16:00.001-06:00

Yesterday while waiting for my oil change and watching two partial and two whole episodes of "Father Knows Best" in the waiting room, I had some interesting people-watching.

Waiting for things I know will take long is much easier than waiting and not knowing what I am waiting for.

There was a woman sitting in the room along with me. At first she was texting or doing something on her phone. Then she started reading a thick book.

Then she put that down, took off her scarf and the fun began.

She had three large bags with her and took a bottle out of one of them. I recognized it as foundation. She poured some onto her hands and started spreading it on her face. I was intrigued. She then continued (without washing or wiping her hands) to reach into her bag and take out some various shadows for her eyes. She used four different colors in the pink and purple families to get a smokey-eye effect. There were about two different eyeliners, as well. It looked pretty good. She moved on to lipstick/stain and then a lip gloss to add just the right amount of shine and stickiness. Next came some sort of finishing powder on her face, though more of it seemed to land on her blouse, stomach, and lap than on her face.

She put a shiny jeweled necklace on her neck, rewrapped the scarf and pulled out one of those sticky-paper lint rollers out of one of her bags. She started on her lap, moved to her chest, removed a sheet, stood up, and redid the process adding her back and the back of her tights to the mix as well.

The finished product was decent and she only caught me watching her twice.

I was intrigued.

My issue is the same one I have when I see people wearing their hair in a wrap-style, rollers, house shoes, pajama pants, and the like out of the house.

I understand that there are times when you don't feel like getting all done up to go to run some errands, but shouldn't you not look like crap? And shouldn't you not do your fixing up out in public? I can almost allow reapplying lipstick or lipgloss in public, but the rest, I don't think, should be done for all to see.

I know it wasn't as bad as these situations, but I don't like germs or the possibility of sharing body goo in any form. I know they have a bathroom in the shop with a really nice, large mirror, so she could have easily gone in there. Then she would have also been able to wash all the foundation and face germs off of her hands before she continued to touch things in the waiting area.

Control+Alt+Delete

2012-01-13T13:10:00.000-06:00

Another week down. Still tired. Still getting rid of something each day. Still stressed. Still trying to relax more. Still trying to figure out in what direction my life needs to be going.

Because I have so much going on in my head, I am finding that I am easily annoyed by chatter - in person, on the television, on the radio. It is almost like I don't want to hear seemingly mindless talk when there are bigger issues in the world and in my life. (The awesome oil-addiction world pic comes from makefive.com.)

Please do some reading on the current oil subsidy crisis in Nigeria when you can.

I think bigger issues are why I have been drawn more to documentaries and informational shows the past few weeks and have barely watched my typical shows. (I am really not impressed by the Project Runway All-Stars - though Austin Scarlett is still mesmerizing, especially with the new 'stach.) There is just something that makes me really want to turn the channel or walk out of a room when the talk is banal.

And all of it has caused me to loose some of my luster. I have lost a bit of my sarcasm. I am no longer able to come up with quick comical quips. I don't seem to be able to recap stories in the same illustrative way anymore.

I need a restart button.

Or if one of those does not exist, let me just hold down a power button and then do a manual restart.

Winter horrorland

2012-01-12T19:37:00.001-06:00

After working at my last school, I was upset that I lived 23-27 minutes away from the new location instead of the 10-15 minutes from the last school.

I don't like the commute, but I know that a lot of people in other cities deal with longer drives to and from work, or even throughout the city.

Today, it snowed a bit during the middle of the night. First snow of the winter. I looked out the window when I woke up and didn't think much of it. It was just a dusting, with some good wind. I didn't even check on the telly to see if there were school cancellations because it was really not very bad outside.

Even so, I still left ten minutes earlier than normal because I know that when it rains or snows people forget how to drive.

I didn't expect what was out there.

It took me 40 minutes to drive a route that normally takes six minutes. At this point, I really wanted to turn around and go home, but there was no way to get off the highway and there was just as much traffic on the other side of the median. It was bumper to bumper. I was starting to get the manual transmission-shaky-leg from being in stop and go traffic for so long. I got off the highway, but even that was a mess. There was a BMW on the off ramp that was doing nothing but spinning its tires trying to get up the hill. I spun a bit, but gained grip and was able to move on.

At this point I heard on the radio that EVERY SINGLE highway in the Lou had major accidents or portions completely closed to traffic.

Traffic on the roads was bad, too.

All in all it took me an hour and thirty-three minutes to get to work.

Even with the stress of turning down semi-random streets to avoid traffic and to avoid accidents I could see up ahead, I was able to stay calm the entire ride. There were people in cars that I could see were visibly upset and disturbed.

I just kept breathing and kept focused on the road.

Despite all the time it took to drive to work, I was really just grateful to make it safely.

And when I finally got to work, I found out that the after school supervision I had signed up for was cancelled.

I had time to do something I have not done yet this year - grocery shop.

Unfortunately, I feared it will probably be ridiculous in there since when it snows people seem to think that the apocalypse is arriving and they MUST BUY ALL FOOD.

I just needed the basics, but I knew I must deal with the crazies trying to stock up on bread, canned veggies, and for some reason, fresh broccoli (not sure what these people think they will make with these items, but they are always gone in inclement weather).

Fortunately, it only took about 30 minutes to get through the grocery store and about 45 minutes to get home.

Hopefully the roads are better tomorrow.

Wordless Wednesday: Math humor

2012-01-11T05:32:00.000-06:00

I laugh. I'm a geek.

Too tired to cry

2012-01-10T21:07:00.001-06:00

I was so tired today that I wore jiggly earrings to work so that if I moved even slightly they would make noise which would hopefully keep me awake.

I was so tired that when I got to school and none of my desk drawers opened (they were somehow jammed shut) I wanted to cry, but was too tired to exert the energy needed to do so and then clean myself up. Instead, I invested in the help of the resident strong man and the resident tool man.

I was so tired that I semi-stumbled over my heavy feet while walking through the hall to retrieve items from the copy room. Even though tired, being a formidable (though far from in shape) athlete, I was able to prevent a fall.

I was so tired that I thought I wouldn't make it through class each hour. Fortunately, I did, and even managed to teach a really awesome lesson on culture.

After school, I went to a scheduled doctor's appointment.

My appointment was for 2:45. I was in the waiting room and checked in by 2:35. I watched about three people who arrived after me go to the back before me. Made me think of this Curb Your Enthusiasm scene. I was not called into a room until 3:09. The nurse spoke to me to find out what I needed, and then I had to wait.

And wait.

Why do they do this? Why the tease? Why make it seem like you are going to be seen when you leave the waiting room, only to have to sit for another 15+ minutes.

The doctor came in, we talked for about two minutes, and then she left. For another 10 minutes.

I had a brief laugh when I thought of these scenes from Curb (check out 0:53 and watch Jerry Seinfeld's face... I know the show is non-scripted, but he seemed as though he really was shocked at the turn in the conversation).

Then I played a few minutes of Unblock Me on the cell. Usually, the game is really easy. For some reason, today, I was stuck on a puzzle for at least four minutes. It was really depressing.

I turned off the game.

And then, all of a sudden, I almost cried.

Why?

No, it wasn't because of the depressing ass Tracy Chapman, Hootie, DMB, and Alanis music.

It was simply because I was seriously exhausted and overwhelmed by the intricacies of this and all my decades of doctor visits.

If I hadn't been too tired to search the room for tissues, a trashcan, and explain to the doctor (if she ever came back) what I was upset about, I would have cried.

Instead, I used my yoga breathing and sucked it up... like I tend to do these days.

Peace is my reward

2012-01-09T15:33:00.000-06:00

I have been really good at minimizing things in my life. I am still throwing out/recycling/giving away at least one item each day - either at home or at work - this morning's items were an old umbrella, an old nose ring, six spare buttons that do not seem to match any item of clothing that I still own, and some detangler/leave-in conditioner that, even with my super short hair, didn't seem to work and smells unattractive.

During December, the work ladies decided to do 12 days of necklaces leading up to break. I am so minimal that I don't even own twelve necklaces - I had to mix in scarves to act as necklaces. I have gotten rid of earrings that I haven't worn regularly throughout the past year, I have three watches (one of which has been without a battery for over two years - might be time to get rid of that one, since I clearly have not missed it). I have enough rings to wear on each of my fingers (if they were all the same width) but still have some that I may decide to part with since I haven't worn some in quite some time.

Basically, I don't have a whole lot of jewelry.

Even before my recent big chop, I was really getting in to rocking larger jewelry on my ears and around my neck to coincide/counteract with the short hair. I love the contrast of short hair and big jewelry.

I have a few larger pieces, but this morning decided that I will get some more.

I don't buy a lot of things for myself, or others, really. I didn't get myself anything for my birthday or the holidays until about a week or so ago. I decided to get some peaceimages pieces. LOVE HER and her jewelry. Do check her site and show her some love if you like what you see.

The new Vision Studs arrived Friday, and I put them on this morning for work.

Love them!!!

Had to do an impromptu photo shoot of them because I loved them so much.

Now, I have decided to treat myself with more of her stuff as a reward to myself for getting rid of more things and for not having spent much money the past three months.

I know that is kind of counter productive -- buying something to reward myself for not buying and for eliminating excess, but that is what I am doing. I will still be eliminating and not buying much after this. Might have to get rid of some more jewelry to counter the new additions.

I have already put an order in for two more items. Maybe I'll share those in pictures when they arrive and I rock them.

So peace is my reward for minimalism. Lovely. Not as rewarding as full-out world peace, but I think this peace looks great on me.

Have you seen my childhood?

2012-01-08T22:00:00.001-06:00

When I was a child, I don't know that I ever really knew what I wanted to do when I "grew up". I went through a few different phases of career goals. For awhile, I wanted to be a psychiatrist like my father, a lawyer, like my mother. A writer, a singer, a radio host, an actor, a professional athlete. My thoughts ran a huge spectrum.

Perhaps, my lack of direction as a child is what has gotten me to the stage I am in today.

I still am not sure what I want to do with my life, or how I want to get the different things I want to get (some of which are rather vague).

I am pretty sure that I am good at what I am doing now, teaching, but I don't want to stay in this occupation forever.

I don't want to work forever.

I would love to be able to do something that would provide me with residual income of some sort, or at least something I could do where I could be the boss of me. * Cue Malcolm in the Middle theme music*

Perhaps if I had focused as a child, I would be better today.

I sometimes wish that I had superpowers. My desire would be to be able to go back in time and make changes... yeah, so that would change a lot of things that are happening now, but I'm pretty sure that a lot of things would be better if I could even make small changes to the things I did, the way I reacted in different situations, the way I approached activities, the people I engaged with, etc.

This was my Stream of Consciousness post for this Sunday. I like the idea, and it actually helped me get out of a rut (a little bit) with my posting for this NaBloPoMo.

You can find out more about Sunday Stream of Consciousness here or click the badge below.

I still love this movie

2012-01-07T23:58:00.001-06:00

Another quote I love for Saturday!

I love this movie and love that my nephew loves it. I have even used scenes from the movie to help high school kids understand the concept of an absolute ruler in history class.

Motion, progress, and a rocking horse

2012-01-06T15:00:00.000-06:00

As I finish the first work week of the year, I keep this thought in my head.

Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress. ~ Alfred A. Montapert

I need to have this thought in the front of my mind as I try to accomplish different things in my life.

I am still tired from trying to get back into the swing of a work week after the holiday break. Hopefully my mind is right during the weekend and I can write more as I try and make it through NaBloPoMo - a month straight of blogging every day.

Worry less and feel good anyway?

2012-01-05T15:45:00.000-06:00

I saw someone post this either on FB or Twitter and thought it was brilliant.

Only issue is that I need to better heed the advice.

Worry less:
I am going to try to live by this idea.

Smile more:
When I am not smiling, I tend to have a really serious look on my face. There are students and grown-folks who tell me that I need to smile more. I have started to smile more even when I don't feel like it. I try to always greet people with a smile. Even when I walk down the halls at work or walk down the street or walk down aisles in stores and come across a person, I smile at them. Often, I get a smile back. Other times, I am ignored, other times, I get a strange look - I guess some people are not used to seeing a friendly face.
I still feel that I have times when I am worrying about something that I am not smiling at people. I need to worry less so that I can smile more.

Accept criticism:
When people I care about criticize me, I get defensive and close up a bit to what is being said. I guess that I really want to be accepted by people I care about and don't want for them to be seeing the negative sides of me.
In becoming defensive, I sometimes miss what they are saying or don't want to admit that I am in the wrong. I make excuses for my actions - sometimes ones that don't really make sense.
I heard a quote (sorry I can't remember who it was from) that I try to repeat that summarizes what I need to do with this part of the poster

We receive great value from being open to feedback without becoming defensive.

So true. I am already getting better with this, and am already taking steps to address some of the issues that have been brought to my attention.
If I can accept criticism, I will be able to smile more during these conversations with loved ones and worry less about how I come across since I will be working to better the aspects of me being criticized.

Take responsibility:
I need to do more of this.
I take responsibility for my failures to act. I take responsibility for my mistreatment of people. I take responsibility for my life being the way it is.

A motto I recite each morning is "Be better than you were yesterday."

Listen & love:
I love to love.
I love to listen.
With all this technology in my hands, though, I find that sometimes I am distracted as I listen to people and don't hear everything being said. I am sure that I have missed out on some great things people have said IRL, on the telly, and even things I have skimmed over while reading because I was multitasking --unsuccessfully.
I need to be more responsible and be more present with people and with everything that I am doing.

Don't hate:
I don't really have too much of an issue with this one. I don't hate people. I understand that some people are reflections of their environment.
I hate their environment. I hate their upbringing.
The older I get, the more I hate the systems that contribute to the way the society is set up. I hate that there are still racist ideas spewing out of people (regularly in comments on sites). I hate that politicians refuse to really address the racist comments that they have said. I hate that people are not willing to be respectful to the President and his family, even if they do not share his political opinions. I hate that politicians are not willing to work to better society mainly because they want to disagree with the administration. I hate how the economy is working right now. I hate that even in athletics there are discrepancies between how races are seen and how they participate. I hate that we have to make light of the fact that people say things about the other (or their own) races.
I could go on and on with things I hate.
I try not to worry about many of them, but they are in my face daily.

Embrace change:
I know that I want a lot of things in my life to change.
I sometimes do not act because I am afraid of failure or what might be out there if I don't succeed.
I need to not worry so much, listen to people's support, and be more willing to embrace change.

Feel good anyway:
Seriously.
This one is simple, yet hard for me.
But I will try.

Wordless Wednesday: Bad lip reading

2012-01-04T05:52:00.000-06:00

Hilarity.

Find more at Bad Lip Reading.

Not worrying about problems

2012-01-03T13:49:00.001-06:00

I have really embraced the idea of living basically.

So much so that it seems that things are coming at me daily for a few weeks now that are pretty much beginning to reassure me that that is the right focus for me at this time.

The latest one was an image I saw on Twitter as well as on FB at least three or four times over the past week. And each time, I seem to examine it and think about how true it is.

So simple.

And yet, I feel that I must worry about if I can do something about a problem that does exist, if I am doing the correct thing about it.

Ugghhhhh.............

Basically effective

2012-01-02T12:19:00.001-06:00

Each day for the past week and a half, I have been getting rid of something. There have been old pens that do not work, old makeup, old clothes I no longer wear, old paperwork that I no longer need, old yoga DVDs that I don't use (I just use different poses from websites and create my own yoga/pilates morning workouts), old medications that are expired, old food that is WAY past expiration dates, old teacher material that I haven't/don't use, old screws that came with things I put together, but don't know what they go to, old hair products/accessories that I won't be needing any time soon... you get the idea.

This has been the beginning of a cleansing for me.

It is really a relief each morning to get up and ask, "What am I going to get rid of today?"

People typically keep so much junk in their homes that they end up needing storage units or stuff their garages/basements so full that they cannot use the area for its rightful purpose. I have never wanted to be one of those people.

I have always lived fairly minimally. I don't own a lot of things, but I can still stand to minimize more. I want to have only things I use and nothing that has been sitting for more than a year unused (besides photographs).

I'm trying to do the same with my life.

I know I can't completely get rid of people who cause me stress, but I can limit how I allow them to impact me. And, for the most part, I can limit the contact to just the necessities.
I will become better at allowing people closer into my life. I am a loyal friend, but I can go a long time without talking to friends. For some, we get back together and it is like no time has gone by, for others, they may feel awkward after not talking for so long. I need to make sure I know who is ok with which scenario - better yet, just stay in touch with all friends and fam.
I am better at communicating in writing than verbally. Verbally, I may need to sit and think before saying what is to be said... almost like an editor or something. I need to become better at sharing verbally with people; I need to make sure they know where I stand and what I am thinking.
I will do things to help my various health conditions. Continue my daily morning yoga, start back with cardio, visit the chiropractor and the specialist doctors more regularly.
I will continue to get rid of items in my home and at my desk at school.

I want to live basically so that I may think more effectively.

Long hair, don't care

2012-01-01T11:35:00.000-06:00

Three nights ago, I had my boyfriend's niece cut my hair. She is in school to be a cosmetologist, and has learned a lot about hair. She hasn't yet learned how to cut a fro, but I gave it a go anyway.

She used a traditional method you would use on straight hair. It was not too bad, but once washed out, it was not super even all the way around.

Two nights ago, I decided to do another big chop. In total, in two days, I cut off about five inches of hair.

Wow!

Back to under an inch in length.

I'm using this as a new beginning in a few different ways.

I am going to retrain my hair to not be tangled, I am going to retrain my self to take better care of my hair, I am going to learn more ways to protect the ends as it grows so that it looks great as it gets longer, I am going to keep it shaped as it grows out so that it looks great as it gets longer.

I am going to become more disciplined with my hair and my life.

In my life, I basically am more of a follower to some extent. I don't just do what others do, but I am slightly lazy and more or less let things go as they go, unless it is something I have an understanding for and can control easily.

I am going to begin to take more control. I am not going to allow others and outside situations to dictate what I am doing. I am not going to let others allow me to fail. I am not going to allow people to annoy me. I am not going to sit back and not know what I want. I am going to formulate plans and take action to really figure out what I want in all situations.

I am going to begin to take more control.

No, this is not some sort of Jan 1st resolution that will fail in a few weeks. This is something I have been working on throughout the past year and that I feel I will be even better at this year.

My hair is just the beginning of my new beginnings.

After all my logic and my theory I add a...

2011-12-05T13:38:00.002-06:00

I am about to go buy some RPGs, some grenades, some bullet-proof coverings for my house windows and doors, and some serious private security guards.

Why?

Because Saint Louis is the 3rd most dangerous city in the world.

Don't laugh.

It is, according to Urbantitan.

We are further up the list than Mogadishu. Higher than Caracas, higher than a city in Chechnya, and way higher than a city in Pakistan, where al-Qaeda kidnaps US reporters.

I know I shouldn't take this mess seriously, but come on now.

To compare any US city to the listed international cities and so many more cities where people really do fear for their lives daily is absurd.

I have never gone to sleep with ear plugs in due to the noise of the bombs; I have never had to sleep with night shades over my eyes so that the bright lights of the exploding bombs and missiles don't keep me awake.

I have never had to walk through shrapnel, crumbled buildings, streets filled with tanks, alleys full of soldiers reloading and resting up before the next evenings attacks.

I have never had to adjust where I walk so that I don't have to risk my small child seeing and walking over piles of dead bodies.

I have never had to see (in real life) the disfigured, dismembered bodies of my neighbors or co-workers.

I know that people try to bring this city down. I know that there is still high unemployment here (especially among African American males). I know that there is a good deal of crime at times in some parts of the city.

I know that there are people who move out of this city after getting tired of being asked where they went to high school for the one-millionth time.

These people are not considered refugees.

They are leaving on their own volition.

But as I always say - the data is not really that accurate.

Most lists that include StL as the most dangerous in the country (now world) do not count the city as most other areas of the country do. StL county is not counted as part of StL. Almost every other area of the nation includes the entire metropolitan area in their city counts.

Not to say that the county is crime free, but they don't have as many violent crimes. They just have kidnappings, meth labs, cocaine parties, and a ton of other events in recent history that I won't list because some one is bound to think I am making light of the various situations, but please, do your research.

When you do count the city and the county together, the statistics for StL drop enormously.

I'm not going to argue that there are not a lot of crimes in the city, but it definitely does not compare to many other places. If you watch local news here, there is a constant barrage of crime being shared (though I'm not sure if that is because there is a lot of it, or if it is because that is what local people expect to see on their news channels. And if you really look at the local news (which I cannot stand, sorry Ms Huda), you could see that most of the crimes are taking place in the same spots of the city.

I am not going to hate on the author of the story for not looking at statistics appropriately.

But I am going to hate on the author for saying that "East St. Louis is the area of nearly 65% of the crime".

EAST ST. LOUIS IS NOT THE SAME CITY AS ST. LOUIS. It's not even in the same state. There is a huge (though sometimes not so high with all the drought) river that separates the two cities. And if you want to get even more technical with it, not all of the area on the east side of the river is East StL. There are other cities that people tend to lump together that are not actually part of EStL. Perhaps that is causing that area to have a worse rap than it should. If you include East Saint in the statistics, then you should include the whole metro area, fo' real.

All in all, the blog sucks.

And now that I think about it, this is what is to blame for some of the students I teach and young people I see around the area.

They think they are super hard as shit.

Why shouldn't they even though most of them have never been in a fight, never seen a gun, maybe been detained for MIP of weed, and never had to deal with any large amount of trauma, let alone having a bomb drop on your house in the middle of the night?

And why shouldn't they when each year they hear that their "city" is among the most dangerous in the country? They all think of the city as the whole metropolitan area. And they don't watch the news or have classes that teach about what is going on in the world, so I guess according to them (and the author of this blog) they do live in the third most dangerous area of the world.

These people are the reason that I often feel like Lauryn Hill. Even after all my logic and my theory, I (often want to) add a mother-fucka so you ignant n----s hear me. Remember. Take notes.

"Zealots".

More than a pain in the neck

2011-04-29T14:03:00.005-05:00

I seem to experience pains and circumstances like no one else that I personally know. There are the simple dairy issues, the more complex back problems, and the even more worrisome cancer scares. More recently, I have had a lupus scare lending itself to some skin issues that are going to be with me permanently and have forever changed the way I will do my hair.

About a month and a half ago I was out eating a lovely sushi meal with my local sister and my brother from another mother and father and noticed a small bump on my neck. I thought it was a pimple and made a note to look at it when I got home. I didn't. I remembered it a couple days later. It was way larger and felt nothing like a pimple. But I wasn't too worried. Then it got larger and harder. I went to the dermatologist. He said he couldn't deal with it since it was too far under the skin. I went to a general surgeon who sent me to get an ultrasound.

All in all, this lead to some incredible worrying. And a lot of sub plan writing - one of the truly annoying things about being a teacher is that you can't just take a day off. There has to be a plan for every hour and you have to write it all down for the person who will cover your classes for you. It takes way longer to do sub plans than to actually stick out sicknesses and go to work. Unfortunately, doctors don't work around my school day.

But, back to my neck. The lump was growing. It was becoming a nuisance when I swallowed, yawned, accidentally put the toothbrush too far and gagged when I was cleaning my tongue - it was really annoying. And becoming more and more scary! What was this growth?!?!?!

The surgeon said it was likely a thyroglossal duct cyst - which he said usually develop in early childhood. This added more to my confusion. I know I can be immature at times, but WTF? Am I a mutant? Why is this happening to me?

He said it could be removed easily. I set up a surgery date for two and a half weeks from that appointment. And that began two and a half weeks of worry.

I have several doctors in the family, but I also watch a lot of doctor shows. I have seen simple surgery turn into a life-long nightmare. I have seen doctors leave items in body cavities and seen doctors operate on the wrong portion of a patient.

I went in this past Tuesday for the procedure. Fortunately, my siblings were kind of sympathetic when I called and told them that I had had enough and that I was going to slit my throat. One of them was really worried and thought I was actually suicidal. But when I offered her my nice tv, she seemed ok with it all.

Luckily the worst part was not eating after midnight prior to the surgery. The procedure was scheduled for 1:45, but the doctor was an hour late. I was so hungry that I was actually past hunger. I assume that my insides were already digesting my body... that would explain why I was significantly lighter when I stepped on the scale than I have been for over four years. Oh, and not being able to take headache medicine or any other medicine for a week before the surgery - great time for my sinus to become completely f-ed up (neti-pot is my new best friend).

Actually, the worst part was not not eating before surgery. It has been trying to eat after surgery. The tube used during anesthesia caused irritation afterward, then the fact that they cut portions of my throat muscles and throat bones out has caused significant pain during eating, chewing, drinking, and any activity that involves moving the tongue besides talking. Also, my neck is swollen and sore when I try and lay down or turn over when in bed. As soon as I finish writing this, I am going to go back and get the cold pack and lay it out on my neck.

Unfortunately, it took me two days to realize that I could be taking two pills for pain instead of just one at a time. That made a huge difference. I still don't see why people get addicted to these sort of pills, but I guess my demographics don't fit the usual suspects for prescription drug abuse.

I took the gauze off yesterday and am now looking like a black Mrs. Frankenstein. The stitches stick out more than the actual incision - which should blend a bit with the natural neck folds when they unsew my neck in a little over a week. I guess there go my chances of showing a lot of neck when I finally get a chance on Tyra's modeling show.

Hopefully, this is the last of my medical ailments for a long time.

Oh, yeah. All this happened after a massive tornado impacted my school district and made several of my students and colleagues homeless. I feel for them and the people in the southwest recovering from that devastation.

Oh, and while this was all happening, I was doing another cycle of SIOL for 30 days. I even managed to wear my six to the hospital for the procedure since Tuesday was the last day of the project. I will continue until the end of May with my Project 333 challenge.

Awesomely disturbing prank

2011-03-27T21:50:00.000-05:00

I can't find a better video quality, but this is hilarious.

Check out his hang-time.

Wordless Wednesday: Hello?

2011-03-09T11:46:00.002-06:00

Sent to me from my brother. Lionel Richie always tickles me.

Near death experience

2011-03-05T10:31:00.002-06:00

There's nothing to bring you into reality like some sort of major scares.

There are the not-so-serious scares (beauty, societal issues, occupational, parenting issues)
There are the more serious scares (familial, near-death instances, physical pain, fears of cancer)

These were/are all scary for different reasons and to different intensity levels.

Thursday I experienced a new kind of scare.

After school, I went to practice (yes, track is back in session - I am back being sore demonstrating drills and trying to pretend in front of the kids that it doesn't hurt and is still easy for my ever-aging body, and I will soon be losing most of my free Saturday time). Before practice, I decided to wipe down my dirty computer keyboard area.

When I came back in, I had to clean up and get ready for three hours of parent-teacher conferences. Then I packed up and headed down to meet, greet, share information.

At various times during these conferences, there are lulls where I can either sit and stare out the door (I was seated RIGHT in front of the entry door. Not sure if this was some sort of social justice move to let parents know that yes, there are some black women we hire as teachers, or just a coincidence), grade papers (which I had none on this second night), walk and talk with other teachers who are not meeting with parents, get a snack of pita chips and cheese (which would not turn out well for me or the parents), or I can get on my personal laptop and cruise through some of my favorite safe for work sites.

I pulled out the laptop and turned it on.

The light came on, but it took a while for the login screen to appear. When it did appear, my keys were not typing anything. I restarted it and then it did not come on at all.

It was dead or broken or about to implode or something.

I wanted to scream for fear of all the data I had put on in the past two weeks that I had not yet put onto a jump drive or my Time Machine. I wanted to get up and make a bunch of phone calls to see what could be done.

Instead I had to sit there for another 2 hours talking to parents (mostly about how well their student is doing since the parents who need to kick their kids into shape are often the ones who cannot make it for various work, school, a lot of other kids, not really paying attention/caring reasons - maybe they haven't heard of the proposed jail time and conferences issue in Detroit).

I had way more pressing issues.

That night and into yesterday morning the computer would still not turn on.

I had to go to the dreaded Apple Store. First, that meant I had to go into the mall. In itself a scary time, but I was hoping that since I would be in there around 1 on a weekday that it wouldn't be too bad. Then there is the Apple Store itself. Fun gadgets to play with, but too many people - many of them crazed gadget-hounds who think life revolves around their desire to acquire/fix whatever Apple devise they currently are servicing. I braved the lunch crowds, but would have to come back at 4:45 because there were too many people and I had to leave for practice.

Later came back and got to look at all the cool new computers with amazing mouse pads. They said that everything on my hard drive could be saved. Then one of the nice workers said that I was still under a warranty and that might cover fixing the power button. (I guess when I got the computer three years ago I must have done the normally unthinkable for me and purchased an awesome extended warranty)

The computer is fixed. Even have a new casing that they replaced, new keyboard, and new mouse pad.

I still have all of my information. I don't have to spend over a thousand dollars American on a new computer. And I can now stay out of the mall for a while longer.

Wordless Wednesday: Funny, but sad and sadly true

2011-02-23T09:58:00.003-06:00

Two things for you mind and your funny bone.

Six Items or Less - No, undies don't count

2011-02-09T14:01:00.001-06:00

Since January 10th, I have been participating in the Six Items or Less experiment. Here is some information on it:

What do our clothes say about us? ...
The scope of the Six Items project expanded rapidly around the world, exposing individuals and even entire families to explore a life with less...
The experiment is simple: each participant gets to choose six (and only six) items of clothing and pledge to wear only these six items of clothing for a month...
Logistically, there are exceptions that don’t count towards the six: undergarments, swim wear, work-out clothes, work uniforms, outer wear (rain slicker, outdoor jacket), shoes and accessories. You can get multiples of the same item for laundry purposes, but different colors count as separate items.

For my six, I chose

Black dress
White button-up blouse
Jeans
Black cardigan
Black long-sleeved t-shirt
Gray sweater

These were really good choices for me. I counted about 17 outfit options/combinations I could create with these six pieces (I only ended up wearing 7, but in different ways). I was able to go to work and hang out and even attend the Lauryn Hill concert all with ease and without looking out of place. The dress was something I have had for at least 8 years and have only probably worn about 5 times.

Initially I was worried about how hard this would be. But, it turns out that it was way easier than I thought. A couple years ago, I started getting rid of clothes that I didn't like. Last year I got rid of some more. When I decided to do SIOL in December, I got rid of even more. I by no means am living super simple with clothes, but I have definitely pared down. I also was worried about looking the same day in and day out.

Then I remembered that every summer I basically wear the same thing each day when I am not out coaching. When Kid Sis #3 found out I was doing this, she asked, "Isn't that what you always do anyway?" When I am not working, I am basically in similar clothes each day.

I was concerned that my students would notice my outfits and realize before anyone else what was going on. I am in front of them and in the halls with them each and every day for long periods of time.

All of my fears were for nothing.

I loved the clothes I chose. That dress that had seen so little wear in the past years has now become a favorite.

Scarves have become my favorite. I have tried out so many different ways of wearing them around my neck and around my body that it is truly amazing.

I got so many compliments on so many days on my outfits. Some one I don't normally see at work (outside of my coaching clothes) even asked me if I was going on interviews after school since I looked so nice. The kids even complimented me on my outfits. One girl compared another student to me as the after portion of "What Not To Wear" and the kid as the before. The minimal items and the desire not to look the same each day made me really focus on looking put together each day. It also made me use accessories, tights, and shoes to make my look different each time I wore something. In these pictures you can see two examples of how I mixed up the dress. In the first, I wore the black T on top with the scarf to break it up and make it look more like a skirt. I wore ballet shoes that day. In this picture I rocked my boots and just had the cardigan on top (the dress is short-sleeve, so I always had something on top. I wore the dress with the white shirt on top, with the gray sweater on top, tucked in to the jeans to look like a shirt, and different colored tights and shoes and a lot of different jewelry.

I was really impressed by my creativity throughout this. I have not seen myself as being really good with fashion, but perhaps with time and practice, that may be a calling of mine somehow.

I only told three people that I was doing SIOL, and no one else noticed (or at least said anything to my face about it).

I have always gotten my clothes ready for the week on Sunday nights, but with SIOL, it made it even easier to do so.

Today is the last day.

Next, I am going to up it to 15 items (no experiment, just doing it on my own) and continue to the end of February. When I picked my 15 pieces, I started trying to figure out how many ways I could mix them and had to stop counting, because I was becoming overwhelmed with all the choices.

Through this experiment, I have come even closer to figuring out a few things:

What type of clothes I really like and what I need to focus one when I go shopping for clothes - I know that quality is way better than cheap items that will only be ruined after a season of washing and wearing. Each of my items were good quality and made it through a lot of washing and (most of them) three times a week wear.
I know that I can live off of very little - Again, no one noticed. That is a credit to my creativity, but as many on the SIOL site have said, no one really cares what you wear. It is really about wearing clothes that suit your body and lifestyle, and not looking out of place. I have donated or sold even more clothes.
I have started trying to travel with just a carry on - After this, I know that this will be even easier.
I love this six - With exception to the white shirt, and I don't totally love that because I feel like the arms aren't as long as I would like them to be. They are by no means the MJ of sleeves, but I have long arms for a woman and like my sleeves to come to a certain point on my hands. When I picked my 15 pieces, it was almost hard to get to 15 because I wanted to make sure that the pieces fit my style and that they would all look good together and be a decent quality.
I am not easily bored with clothes - Not until this past Sunday did I get antsy about wearing something different. That was when I was getting my clothes ready for the week and was getting excited/anxious about all the options for Thursday. I stuck with my 6, and Thursday will wear something totally different. Though, I did consider wearing the dress again since I like it so much.

During the experiment I even tried things out with my ever growing TWA. I had my sister braid some of it and tried out some of those comb-thingies that you can slide into your hair. It may be time for me to invest in some of PeaceImages hair combs - I have been looking forward to the day my hair is long enough to mess around with since I became natural (finally stopping the cutting has really helped out - who would have thought, right?)

So SIOL no more.

It is still rather likely that I will keep wearing some of the same outfits in the next few weeks.

The community on the website was really great - it was cool to read about their journeys, trials, and tribulations as well as to see some of the options they chose. I may do one of these experiments some of them suggested next. Each of which will be a breeze after limiting myself to 6 items for 31 days.

Or maybe something completely different that comes up or that I create - for now it will be 15IOL for the next 19 days. Perhaps after that, I will be able to pare my wardrobe down even more.

Wordless Wednesday: Sign language

2011-01-19T08:59:00.002-06:00

I really hope this girl got a good grade on this assignment. It is super cool and I hope she gets an invite from Cee-Lo to do one of his shows.

Lauryn Hill is still amazing: Pageant concert review

2011-01-17T11:16:00.007-06:00

I know there was incredible anticipation and questioning about how the Lauryn Hill show would turn out here in St.L at the Pageant, but as a good friend put it, "She can show up and be kind of horrible, and it would still sound and be great!"

Well, she definitely did more than just show up.

I got an email a few weeks back that pushed the door opening time back from 7 to 9. That actually reassured me that she was going to come and that it wouldn't be too late like in some previous concerts. There was still no official start time on the tickets, but I was feeling good.

The DJ that was on when we entered the Pageant was good. Played a mix of mostly old-school jams that got the crowd hyped up. Almost didn't seem like he was on the stage for the whole two hours that he was up there. Close to 11 (the time the doorman said the show would start around), a second DJ came on stage (onto the actual stage) and started to hype the crowd up even more. He played for another 52 minutes. Around minute 40, the band came on. Bassist even started playing along with the DJ - sounding super cool as he thrashed his locks around to the beat.

About the band, they kind of looked like they had been found by Ms Lauryn on Craigslist yesterday morning. There was just no cohesive look about them. One of the bassists kept trying to take pictures of the crowd with his cell phone. One of the keyboardists looked like he would rather be about 100 different places than on the stage. When the DJ said that Lauryn would be out soon after the crowd started chanting her name, two of the back up singers gave a look that basically looked like "We'll see if you still want her when she comes out."

From my phone, you can kind
of see the shrug-thing

Well. At 11:52, she came out and told everyone that she was going to "do old music new ways." And with that the show started.

Set list:
"Forever Loving Jah" by Bob Marley
"Lost Ones"
"When it Hurts So Bad"
"Ex-Factor"
"Final Hour"
"How Many Mics"
"I Only Have Eyes for YOu"
"Fu-Gee-La"
"Killing Me Softly"

And two encore songs:
"Turn Your Lights Down Low"
"Doo Wop (That Thing)"

She changed a lot of the songs up, but I thought it was musically amazing. She had the live band (Which played better than I expected - way better, though the level of their sound was really high and sometimes distorted.)

The way she played most of the songs was more upbeat and more rocked out. Kind of a funk-rock fusion of some kind. It was mesmerizing. It was still possible to sing along to favorites once you caught on to the new beat and sound.

I'm sure that some fans were disgusted because they are so attached to the old songs (those songs have such strong meaning to me as well as so many other people). I saw some people leaving and not coming back... not sure if it was their disdain for the music or the fact that it was getting late and they may have had to work on this MLK day.

I feel like a lot of the songs have a really strong meaning to Hill, as well, and that makes it hard to play them the same way she played them years ago without starting to (possibly) feel as vulnerable as she did when she first made them.

The new sound was amazing. She even did "Ex-Factor" two different ways. Really, really fast and rocked out, and then more slow and mellow. Kind of weird, but it was ok.

She seemed really, really sincere and passionate. She many times thanked the crowd for coming out and supporting her for all this time.

One thing that made the show even better was the genuine looks of enjoyment from her and the band at several points. It was almost like they were shocked that things were going so well. The bassist took his phone out a few more times to snap pictures of the crowd. And the back up singers and one of the keyboardists looked like they were truly amazed by the show and sometimes amazed by Lauryn's singing and rapping and interactions with the crowd. I even heard later that night that she had stuck around out back in her vehicle saying hey and greeting people. Very much seemed like the Lauryn Hill that I believed was the most beautiful person on the planet back in her heyday.

She danced a-la James Brown at times, she sang in her trademark raspy voice (now a bit raspier with age), she rapped with such speed and fluidity that I was in awe. And. It. Was. Awesome.

Several times she got on the band (in jest?) to let them know that they need to "move the crowd." She even told them once that they needed to not "waste this tune."

I cannot express the vibe of the crowd jumping in unison with the each other and the band during "Fu-Gee-La" as soon as the familiar beat and tones came out to let us know that was the next song.

So glad I got the tickets. So glad to share that experience with friends, and strangers, and the band, and Lauryn.

Only complaint would be that she didn't take off the crazy shrug-thing that she had to keep annoyingly adjusting the whole night (like, every 20 seconds throughout the night).

I am pretty sure this may be the last time she goes on tour sounding so good.

I hope she makes some kind of recordings of the new versions of her songs. I would buy that just like her early Fugees, the big Fugees, and her solo stock.

What what, in my what?

2010-11-18T14:06:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I went to return the rental car I have been in for two and a half weeks. I had kind of estimated a cost of the car over the course of the time I have had it in my possession, but I was not at all prepared for what the actual total cost was.

The lady had the nerve to tell me that I owed Enterprise $897 and some change.

As soon as she said that I wanted to start yelling out the words to Samwell's hit song, though he is more positive about this sort of experience. I felt violated - and not in a good way.

I split up the money on the credit and debit cards and then walked over to the dealership.

It felt really nice to purchase a car that I have liked since it came out.

It also felt nice that my monthly payments on the car will be over four times less than I paid for 2 1/2 weeks of a rental.

I am a Mini owner. This is my actual car in the picture.

Included with the owner's manual is an invitation to join the USA Mini Owners club as well as a catalog of a ton of merchandise, including dog food/water bowls designed from Mini.

Not sure if I will go that far with it, but I will enjoy my car.

What is up yours? Seriously!

2010-11-12T14:17:00.003-06:00

I work along side some pretty gross people. They are people who, in the lunch room, will leave pieces way larger than small crumbs on the floor or on the table when they eat. People who eat chilli, spill a small bit as they move their spoon past the bowl, and then leave that mess on the table. When I go back into the room later to use the restroom, the mess is there, solidified. These are people, who (based on the dirt and under-nail grime) often do not seem as though they have washed their hands since their last hunting weekend when they dug their hands into their recent catch.

Speaking of the restroom, it is in the same room as the lunch room. There are two faculty restrooms, one is designated as the women's, the other for the men. Usually, if one is occupied, a person will use whichever one is available.

These are the same restrooms that consist of possibly the worst invention ever in life.

Today, I went sat in the room before school to eat a tasty breakfast from the local donut shop - nothing like bacon, eggs, and cheese on a fresh bagel in the morning. As I sat there, I was amazed at how clean the room is in the mornings after the custodial staff has cleaned the room.

I have been trying to up my water intake this week since my skin was feeling kind of dry. So, I had to use the bathroom this morning before my normal lunchroom break. I went into the bathroom and noticed that there was a strong smell of funk. As though I had gone in right after someone had really blown the place up. As I quickly squatted to get my pee on, I was quoting the guy from Friday - don't go in there for about 30-40 minutes.

Just now (at the end of the day) I went in to tinkle again.

I stilled smelled what was now beyond funk.

The smell was so bad that I had to look closer at the toilet and figure out what the hell it was.

On the sides of the toilet were brown streaks. Below the toilet were two fairly large, brown droplets nestled at just the point where they must have dropped as they dripped down the side of the toilet.

DIS-GUS-TING.

Some nasty-ass-mo-fo truly BLEW UP the toilet.

How do you shit and the stuff gets on the outside of toilet? And it had to have been early in the morning, so what did you eat last night or this morning to make such a gigantic explosion force its way out of your bowels? What has gotten into you? Do you have some sort of parasite? Do you have an even bigger aversion to dairy than I do? Do you have giant monster in you that released itself through your nether-regions?

Help me understand.

I have seen a toilet get clogged, but these toilets are the industrial kind that would probably suck your bowels right out of your ass hole if you sat too far into the toilet.

How did a person clog the toilet so much that the shit literally overflowed and lept out of the bowl and splayed onto the floor?

Seriously!!

Help me understand.

Wordless Wednesday: Collaboration in education

2010-11-10T10:00:00.001-06:00

Another entertaining - though frustratingly true - video on education.

Awesomely disturbing comment of the week

2010-11-08T09:07:00.003-06:00

A man I work with said his pregnant wife asked him what he looked forward to about their soon-to-be-born child. Man said he replied that the thing he loves most about his previous child (2-year old with his ex-wife) is that that daughter gets to go home - he doesn't have to be with her all the time and can send her back to her mother at anytime.

Not exactly sure he should be telling his pregnant, hormonal wife that.

And also sure that they should have discussed this before the new wife was 2 weeks away from delivering.

But at least the mother isn't doing things like put the baby in the washing machine like this mother... that I know of.

Thankfully, things have changed

2010-11-04T18:44:00.001-05:00

When I was a kid back in the 80s, each Sunday I would have to get dressed up for church. Inevitably, this would include the super-thick stockings. I think they must have taken a ball of yarn and tried to see if the stockings could be as thick as the ball originally was. Although the color options were pretty great, these things were super itchy, super uncomfortably, and left me not ever wanting to wear stockings or panty hose ever again.

This week, I bought two pair of black tights/panty hose. I really like how they look on other people and figure that after all these years, someone had to have come up with a better cloth make-up that would not cause the itching and irritation of the 80s brands. I also hate wearing pants every day in the winter and tights are an easy option to still be able to wear dresses and skirts without freezing to death in the StL cold.

The tights are awesome! I rocked them two days this week so far. Once with a dress and some pumps and today with a skirt and some boots.

I am a convert. I want more colors.

I guess I just have to buy the quality ones instead of the cheap Walgreens brands.

Wordless Wednesday: What I'm (often) working with

2010-11-03T15:41:00.001-05:00

This is often the state of education...

Passed to me by another educator.

A little tea before my ballot

2010-11-02T16:55:00.000-05:00

This morning I got up early to go vote.

Unfortunately I didn't get ready fast enough to make it before heading of to teacher meetings at school. I got off the highway to go to the polling place, but had to turn right back on once I looked at the time. I didn't want to chance that the lines at the polls would be long and I would be late.

When I got to school, the first person I encountered was this staunch Republican with an "I voted" sticker on his sweater.

Then I sat down at the table to discuss some issues with the people in my department and noticed a large, bright red coffee container with Republican National Convention on the front. At one point, one of the other super-Republicans (who regularly makes jokes about the super-Tea Partier shirt he wishes he could wear daily as an undershirt) grabbed the mug and rubbed it like a genie in a lamp and said something about how he hopes things will work out in the election today.

I was so disgusted. I still can't totally put my hand around how an educator can support some of the initiatives the party supports.

After the meetings, I drove right to the polls.

I am not very optimistic about what the elections will mean for St. Louis, and for the nation, but I voted.

Hopefully, I can at least cancel out one of the other people's votes.

The end of an era

2010-11-01T21:53:00.003-05:00

For over a year, I my car has been burning oil. At first I was putting two bottles of oil in every two weeks. Since the school year started, I have been putting oil in it every three days or so. I could tell by just listening to it when it was bone-dry. I felt special.

I felt a real connection to that car. We've been through a lot together since spring 2000.

Friday morning I was on the way to work and when I got the stop light about 200m from the school building, the light turned red. My car started to shake like my dad's old diesel Benz. It was still pitch black as it was about 6:45 in the morning, but I assumed that the cars around me must have thought I was bumping to some really good music.

I carefully drove the car the rest of the way to the lot.

After school, the car started shaking as soon as I turned the ignition.

I turned it off and called the boyfriend to see what he thought of it. Of course, his reaction was that my car had been broke for a long time.

It has never been like this, though.

I drove to the local 7-11. When I got there, I checked the oil level, poured some more oil in and started it back up. Now, the gas pedal had no effect on the car's movement.

Somehow, I got the car to move to the Midas that has become my go to place - about 15 minutes away on the roads (no way I was going to get on the highway). The guys there know me by name and car. They don't even charge me for some services since I have been there so much. At one point there was something wrong with the car that they couldn't figure out. They sent me to the dealer, but they had no idea. Mike and Jamie (Midas guys) told me to tell them what the dealers discovered with their higher-tech tools. But they continued to research and figured out what even Toyota's tools couldn't discover.

When I got to Midas, Mike looked at the car. Called me in to the garage about 15 minutes after he started and gave me the news.

There were two options... either a new engine (could run 2500-4500 USD) or a new car.

So, it is official.

The Rolly-san is dead.

I have to find a new (or new for me) car.

Used sanitary napkins - come on!

2010-04-27T11:55:00.003-05:00

I have seen some pretty disgusting acts people do. I am a teacher and work around young people.

I guess, though, that I have been ignorant of the fact that there are so many nasty adults in the world.

That is why I am so intrigued by the shows Hoarders and Buried Alive. It is really something to think that people can keep so much stuff and that some of them can live in such filth.

I thought I had really seen it all when I saw a lady on one of the shows that had animal feces all over the house and a white toilet that was almost as black as my ebony hair.

That was...

until...

I read this:

Do you often encounter the far extreme of hoarding, like where people actually keep everything?

Yes, we do. In fact, in one of the first groups we ran there was a woman who saved used sanitary napkins and her argument was that she was going to dry them out and use them again. We also had another person who saved everything - parts of her body, everything that came into her house. She had used band aids stuck on the bathroom wall. The first time I was there she worked on at least trying to take them off the bathroom wall and it was just excruciating for her. She was crying and just in horrible pain pulling these band aids off the wall and putting them into a box. The hair that was collected in the bathtub was equally difficult for her to get rid of.

(Emphasis mine)

From an article on titled "Hoarding: How Collecting Stuff Can Destroy Your Life".

I know some people are not overly clean. But, I thought grown-folks were at least half-way decent.

I understand that there is some sort of disfunction going on in these peoples' minds, but this is ridiculous - and just plain disgusting.

Yesterday after reading this, I cleaned the bathroom, washed the dishes, emptied the refrigerator, shredded some papers, and gathered together at least 8 items of clothing and 3 accessories that I have not used in the past few months to give away today.

Help me understand the logic

2010-04-14T13:32:00.005-05:00

This is what I'm working with:

A teacher told students to double space their paper. One student turned in a paper that was single-spaced, but typed with a word, then two spaces, then a word, then two spaces. I teach high school. Really makes me wonder who the kid was. Is it a student who has never done an assignment before? Was the kid sitting as s/he typed just pissed off at the teacher thinking of how stupid and pointless it was to have to focus on hitting the space bar twice between each word?
One of my athletes had to miss the last weekend track meet because her sister was coming in town. The school is in St. Louis County. Her sister goes to Webster University - also in StL. She said her sister doesn't live at home and it was going to be a big deal for her when she came over. I'm sure she spent every minute that she would have been competing catching up with her sister that clearly does not want to keep in contact if it is that big a deal for her to come home from within a 20-mile radius from her parents' home.
I saw an old, really good friend at a recent track meet in Festus, MO. As we stood catching up, an athlete came and proceeded to tell me that as he was running his race, he felt his lower leg break in half. This while he is just finished jogging up the hill to me and is standing on both of his legs with no looks of intense pain, and no bone marrow dripping from where his leg snapped in half.
One of the students in my school got picked to be Made by MTV. Pretty cool, especially since she is an excellent student. When the MTV lady came by today to do some interviews with students, of course the most annoying person in my classes was there and he wanted to pretend he is her boyfriend. Because, I'm sure, with all the taping the show will do of her before May, they will not get actual footage of her talking with her real boyfriend. Is it horrible of me to hope that the footage of him gets cut from the show? (If her episode makes the cut)
A guy who stays on the same street as me has been parked on one side of the street for a long time. One of those really big older American cars with custom paint and some expensive rims. No door handle on the outside -- that would mess up the smooth exterior look. He moved the car to the other side of the street. I guess he was keeping it on the one side of the street so that everyone wouldn't see that he had rims only on one side of the car. The other side just had regular hub caps. Hopefully he will save up some money and get the other pair of rims.

There is so much more, but thinking about it all at one time makes my head hurt and makes me want to scream or something. Perhaps another day I will share more of my youngsters' antics

Guns, hold-ups, and family

2010-04-07T09:55:00.001-05:00

I love my family. I know I don't tell them that enough, and I sometimes don't talk with them extensively for long periods of time, but I truly love each person in my family -- immediate, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, in-laws, all of them.

I know I sometimes try to play hard, not be emotional, but I am actually quite sensitive to what happens to them.

I have wanted to write about this event since it first happened, but emotions got the best (or worst) of me. I didn't know how to word it all, still don't really. I have gone from shock, to anger, to sorrow, to wishing I could be there to hug them all, to anger, to disappointment that these things happen, to sorrow, to anger, and now finally a semblance of semi-peace.

All I know is that I am happy that it turned out ok.

I will let Kid Sis #2 share what happened with her in her own words:

As many of you know, I spent the last week of March in Nigeria. The trip went well, with the exception of one 2-hour period. Prior to our trip, so many of our friends and family expressed concern about the risks of kidnapping, as kidnapping has become the M.O. of too many Nigerians lately. I flippantly dismissed those concerns; I’ve been going to Nigeria all my life, and have never felt unsafe. On Palm Sunday, I was in my aunt’s home in Port Harcourt with my mother in law and my son. My husband had just left to go to Lagos. We had just finished breakfast, when two men cam into the dining area with our very frightened looking cook. One had a long knife, and the other held a small gun. The men asked me where my husband was, and who else was in the house. They then shuttled us into a bedroom, and proceeded to tear up wrappers and bedsheets to use to tie my Mumsie’s and the cook’s hands, feet, and mouths. Chinedu and I were not tied up. Next were the gateman and his two friends; they were brought into the room, pushed and kicked to the ground and tied up.

As Chinedu and I were not tied up, my fear was that they were planning on taking him or both us of away, to be held for ransom. As I mentioned earlier, kidnapping has become too popular in Nigeria, and the American firstborn son would likely be capable of providing a large ransom. While the others were in the bedroom on the floor, the men took me to my own bedroom, and began ransacking our bags, looking for money, jewelry, and any other thing of value. One of the men fondled me, and told me that when he was finished with me, my husband would be too ashamed to ever touch me again. I am usually pretty even keeled, but have never been so frightened in my life. My body was literally shaking. Chinedu, who I held the whole time, was also frightened. He held onto me tight for the entire period, not moving, and did not say a single word or cry. Any one who knows my son knows that this is not his usual state.

While they were removing our valuables from the room, a car came up to the gate. My heart sank, as I knew it was my uncle, with his wife and three children, who had come to take me to church. They were brought into the house, and tied up as well after the armed robbers took their phones, money, and gold jewelry. As they restarted the search for valuables in the house, another visitor, a small boy, came. He was soon followed by his mother and sister. At this point, the robbers were obviously flustered. They did not see my husband or the owner of the house (both were out of town), yet visitors were steadily coming. At this time there were 15 of us being held hostage. They kept asking why visitors were coming, and how many more we were expecting. A third man was outside of the house, and with each new arrival would call anxiously, wanting to know what to do. They were also frustrated by the locked master bedroom door, which they were unable to break open. As the hostages began to desperately beg for the ties to be loosened, the men yelled threats; namely that they would beat them and take Chinedu away and leave him on the side of the street in Aba if they were not quiet. With the threat to Chinedu’s life, every time a hostage made a sound, my heart ached at the possibility that they would harm him.

During the ordeal, I kept repeating one of the memory verses from my Wednesday night bible study: “Cast all your anxieties on Him, because he cares for you.” (1Peter 5:7). Praying this verse helped me stay calm. My mother in law was also continually praying. At one point, the ties on her hands became so tight that she could not stand the pain. After praying, she felt a peace, the ties on her hands loosened, as well as the tie around her mouth. My uncle had told the robbers at one point that he was suffocating, and needed the tie around his mouth loosened. They did not loosen his ties, but he also said that after he prayed, he felt a peace come over him. The tie around his mouth and nose came down so he could breathe better.

One of the robbers was playing the “nice guy” to the other’s “bad guy.” He did not tie up my sick cousin despite the older man’s orders, and he claims that he told the older man (who had touched me) not to rape me. He also said that I was left untied so that I could untie the others when they left. Despite these overtures, this was still an individual who was kicking women and children, and brandishing a knife. Finally, the men left with two bags of our belongings. Initially we were not sure they were gone, and were afraid to start untying in case they returned. After the house was silent for some time, I started untying the group. And while I finally broke down in tears at the stress of the ordeal after everyone was untied, I was struck by the immediate response of the others: praising God. My aunt even took the cloth that had been used to tie as a testimony to give to others, and has been showing them to people wherever she goes.

As I wiped my tears away, I began to grasp God’s mercy. We could have been kidnapped, raped, and the men could have made good on their threats to shoot us. My husband could have been present, and injured or killed if the men were not satisfied with the money he showed them. My uncle, the owner of the home could have been in the house. The men had mentioned him by name, and admitted that they would have seriously dealt with him if he had been there. And my greatest fear of all, that they would harm my son, was not fulfilled.

Since this happened, we have had such an outpouring of love and prayers from family and friends. Everyone is apologetic that we had to have the experience. While it was obviously unpleasant and traumatic, every single time I reflect on what happened, I am overcome by gratefulness that no one was seriously harmed. We have some bruises and emotional scars among us, but none of the other physical threats were carried out. And while initially was upset that my cousins had come to the house and experienced this episode, most have said it was a good thing that they were there, as the steady stream of visitors made the men leave as quickly as possible. Every time I am sad about the loss of material things (cash, digital camera, portable DVD player, my two absolute favorite pairs of shoes, my engagement ring, beautiful jewelry my mother in law gave me, my favorite wrapper, all of the phones of those present, all of the gold jewelry from the women . . . ), I simply look at my son. My beautiful son, whom they did not lay a single finger on. Whom they could have kidnapped, but did not touch; they were not even close enough to him to see that he was wearing a gold chain that his grandmother had just given him.

God is real. And he was watching over us that day. Many of my friends do not believe in God, and do not like public proclamations of His glory. But I am compelled to tell this story not so people feel sorry for us, but to praise His name. Thank you to all of you who have been praying both before and after the robbery. We appreciate your love and support. The remainder of the trip went amazingly well, and yes, I will go back to Nigeria in the future.

My uncle for a time could not breath as he was laying on the ground. He already has some breathing problems, and laying on his stomach gagged was not helping. But he is ok. My uncle who lives in the house is ok. I has other living places in some other cities and I hope that he will be all right where ever he is.

Thinking of, and visualizing it all still brings up emotions that are really jolting.

Three -- an old school poem

2010-02-15T19:28:00.002-06:00

An old poem I wrote freshman year in college. I was cleaning out some old stuff and ran across some old 3 1/2" disks. Unfortunately I erased some of the ones that may have had more poems on them before really looking at what their contents were -- including a poem I won money for senior year in high school.

I'm not sure what I was writing about, but it is still a decent poem.

Three

In that place i could see

seven stars in the sky

i had designed

my own prison

then something happened

the walls disolved

and the sky collapsed

I’ve never known anything so great

as that feeling

the kind so bad

you wouldn’t wish

your worst enemy

once you feel it though

it’s different

you wish it to anyone

anyone -- your worst enemy

even your best friend

and you mean it

crazy thing is

you always knew this

you meant it

The walls are gone now

and taking another look up

i realize that really

one’s a satallite

two are planes

and another a paint splash

on the window

from when i redecorated

In this place

i can see

I will be a rock star parent

2010-02-08T16:09:00.002-06:00

Despite some occasional fears about my ability to be a good parent, as each day passes and I see/read what other people do with their children, I realize that I will be a rock-star parent when given the chance.

A US soldier is charged with assault after waterboarding his child. For not reciting the ABCs.

Waterboarding. A four-year old.

For not saying her letters.

A teacher today told me that she heard of a parent who took her young children to a self-service car wash and sprayed the kids with the water for a punishment. As though she is a cop from the 1950s and 1960s.

What?!

I will be grand at parenting.

I understand that kids can be frustrating at times. I have seen them in public, I have baby sat them, I teach over 100 of them each semester every school year.

I know I will be at better than these and other people. Including the pastor who pulled a gun on his kid due to the kids lack of attendance at church. Or the parent who executed his naked son over an argument.

Haiti needs help - be careful how you give it

2010-01-14T10:48:00.007-06:00

My thoughts keep getting back to the people in Haiti for many reasons. One is the damage that has occurred due to the earthquake this week. Another reason is because I have long been questioning what has been going on with regard to aid in that nation. As the news keeps announcing, they are the poorest nation in the western hemisphere.

They are also a large recipient of aid from various nations and organizations throughout the world. From 1990-2003 they received over $4 billion in aid.

I am by no means saying that they don't need help, but I am saying we really need to be thinking about and addressing what is going on in that nation and with the people trying to help them.

If you want to give them aid at this time, please read on and really look into what you are doing and who you are doing it through. You can use charitynavigator.org and guidestar to check on the status and spending of organizations you wish to donate to or that you wish to know more about.

A lot of the aid they receive comes from Non-governmental organizations (NGOs). These sort of organizations have a history of aid, but also are so large that at times they are not really giving as much money as people think to the "charities" they are supposed to be supporting.

They are organizations who use their money to basically promote their liberal ideology.

They help those who they feel are less off than themselves. It is the same as people in this nation who basically give money to charities. They give money, they give water, they give food, they give used or new clothes -- all helping them to feel better about themselves. If they give a little to help the lesser of those, then it does not really hurt for them to live in their fancy homes. It is ok for them to eat at fancy places. It is acceptable for them to by clothes, cars, and other items in excess.

They provide aid, but are not really addressing the problem. Most of these organizations are not doing anything to really solve the problems. They are not helping the people to gain jobs. They may help some one learn to farm (which is great), but they are not helping them to be able to transport their food to various parts of their nation so that they can help sustain more people.

The typical solutions are not sustainable.

Aid agencies and foreign governments often do not fully involve the local leaders in making decisions about what will truly help the nation succeed.

And with Haiti, although there were 28 countries gathered together spring 2009 for the International Donor's Conference who agreed to provide the island nation with $353 million to help reduce poverty, there is really not much to show for all the aid that has been given to them over all these years.

I believe it ties back to the start of the nation. It is a proud history for them as the enslaved people of Haiti were able to overthrow their oppressors back in 1791. They were named a republic officially in 1804. They had been ruled by the French and the French were not easily going to give up a colony of theirs full of people they could force to work and build the imperial status of France. They demanded for Haiti to pay the French government 150 million gold francs (which in today's dollars would be about $20 billion). The Haitians spent over 100 years trying to pay this off since they felt it would help them become stable since they would gain acknowledgment and acceptance from the major powers if they completed paying the money out.

That is a lot of debt. They still have a lot of debt to this day. The debt was at around $1.4 billion in the early part of 2009. Last year, the US canceled $1.2 billion of the debt. But that is after they have been working to repay that debt for so long.

Think of what they could have been doing with the money they have had to be paying back to various nations. Think of what they could have done to help their nation if they were not busy using (probably aid money) funds to repay nations.

Some nations, including Haiti have a history of some corruption.

That is not an excuse for them, and it is not a reason to stop trying to help them out of their situation.

It is a reason to have donors hold the government accountable to the money that is given to them.

How do you keep giving nations money and the people see nothing from it.

Like I said earlier, in just a 13 year period, the island of Haiti received over $4 billion. Think how the people's lives could have been improved if that money had just been distributed to the people. The nation is one that has not enough food produced on their land to sustain the people. According to USAID 54% of Haitians live on just over 50 cents a day, unemployment is between 70-80% and over 40% of the people there do not have access to drinkable water.

Providing the people with health services is great, but we need to help them so that they can help themselves. They need to be taught skills that will help them in the future to be able to build their infrastructure and develop jobs and have an education. Most of the people there do not have higher than a primary education and only about 52% of the adults over 15 are fully literate. According to the Council on Hemispheric Affairs, about 30% of Haiti's GDP comes from Haitians living and working abroad sending money back home to their relations.

They need more than just food and water and vaccines.

And they need it from more than the numerous nations that are supposedly helping Haiti. Seriously. Look at this massive list of NGOs that are said to be aiding Haiti in some way. Look how many organizations there are, but what do they have to show for their "aid".

The Council on Hemispheric Affairs says that "[P]art of the problem begins with the widespread notion that over half of international aid goes toward NGO 'overhead' costs."

So be careful when you donate to some of these organizations. They are basically taking your money and paying themselves with most of it rather than distributing it to the people they are saying they are helping.

Makes sense with regard to Haiti's situation. Look at that NGO list again. If all of them are supposed to be giving money or some other sort of aid to Haiti, how is Haiti broke and still in dire conditions?

Also from the Council on Hemispheric Affairs site:

Roger Annis, of the Toronto Haiti Action Committee (THAC) professed that during a 2007 visit to the island, his entourage was repeatedly appealed to by locals to publically disseminate news of the failure of aid programs in order to bring about significant solutions to development issues. “I saw no evidence of Canadian aid programs reaching that desperately poor population,” alleged Annis. The underlying reason that aid is often ineffective is that it is simply not reaching the people on the ground. In addition to holding aid agencies accountable for their commitments, incorporating local communities into the decision of how best to use aid is an approach that could readily improve the effectiveness of the distributed funds.

The work being done is not really getting to the people. The aid agencies are somehow getting donations, saying they are going to help, but really not doing much.

Top that with the different leaders of Haiti that have dug into the coffers and helped themselves to various funds leaving most of their people suffering.

Peter Mott of Interconnect Newsletter said of some of the aid missions that

With 9,000 soldiers from 42 countries, led by Brazil, the UN Mission to Stabilize Haiti (MINUSTAH) has spent $2 billion fielding armed patrols throughout Haitian poor neighborhoods to repress and intimidate the people, arbitrarily killing civilians, and sometimes sexually assaulting young girls and women. In the meantime, the economic conditions worsen and the basic needs of the population remain unmet.

There has to be a better way.

I hope that as you reach out to help the Haitians in their time of need, that you really think about who you are giving money to -- research the organization to find out what they actually do with their money.

Check out the video on Guernicamag.com about aid giving and its impact.

Here is some Haitian history from the Haitian Blogger and you can see recent updates on from the Haitian Blogger.

Another great link with information on the US involvement in Haiti is the Haitisolidarity.net - including information on Aristide.

And please don't see the situation as Pat Robertson does -- what a prick.

Thanks for reading my rant.

Addendum:

Here is a link to some information on what Wyclef Jean has done with his donations in the past. Just what I talked about here. Not sure if this is some sort of action to attack him and get people to not give to his organization or what. I just hope that money gets to the people and the people that can help the people.

I will look like a crack head by days' end

2010-01-11T10:12:00.004-06:00

Today I did the unthinkable, the unforgivable, the inconceivable.

Last week I worked Monday with no students, and then had students only Tuesday and Wednesday. It was a nice way to ease back into this teaching thing after winter vacation.

But it has thrown off my routine in many ways. I am sleeping way later than I need to be for someone who wakes around 5:30. I became adjusted to eating breakfast around 9 or ten, which means that I am not really that hungry at 6, so I don't eat a lot and then am starving by 9:30. I am used to taking naps around 2, so when school gets close to being out, I am not sure if I will be fully capable of driving home adequately.

The worst thing of all, though is what happened this morning for which I will suffer the rest of the day.

I am a lover of hydration and a lover of moist, supple, hydrated, soft lips.

Unfortunately, I left home with no type of lip balm/Chap-Aid/lip gloss/Carmex/petroleum jelly/C.O. Bigelow lip shine. I took out the spares over break to put in the bags I was carrying around. For some reason I don't even have the spare I usually keep in the coat pocket.

Even when my lips are not dry, I apply product at least every two hours just to make sure that there is no possibility of crackage. There is nothing worse than seeing people with dry, ashy looking lips. Well, there is one thing -- having those lips yourself.

I am fearing for my sanity at this point.

I applied some generic vaseline-type product this morning before I left the house, but that was at 6:15. It is now 10 and I am not sure if I can make it.

My lips are already feeling the pressure of not being moistened. I am trying to up my water intake, but that seems to make them drier as the water touches these fine lips and evaporates. I am tempted to lick them and purse them together to maybe force some moisture into them somehow. I am hoping that at least when I have lunch, the extra grease from the taco-like lunch I prepared from home will be temporarily soothing.

I am not one to share lip products as I never know who has some sort of mouth ailment that they may spread to me through their product.

I don't have a prep hour today so can't even make a quick run to the convenience store nearby.

I may have to succumb and use that old method I saw on Oprah once about using the grease from the back of your ears or the side of your nostril to moisten your lips. Though, upon checking, there is not much there since I am pretty adamant about scrubbing those areas clean and my skin has not been as oily as it gets in the summer time.

I really fear the cracks and tears, the pain, and the inevitable crack-head looking lips that could ensue with no relief to my lips.

By lunch time I am sure that I will not be able to smile or say words that require a lot of lip stretching.

I hope I can make it.

And I hope that as I drive home looking kind of tired, I don't get pulled over by a cop who mistakes me for a burnt-out-ashy-lipped-unsmiling crack head.

Addendum:
It was suggested that I apply lotion to my chaps.

Unfortunately I don't have that either. I am hoping that I don't have to use the bathroom today and that I don't touch any students and don't touch anything that they have sneezed on and don't touch the railings as I walk down the stairs.

I am also hoping that I don't completely look like I have been punching flower by the end of the day.

I may have to borrow one of the students' over scented fruity/flowery lotions.

Snow and windows

2010-01-08T11:41:00.002-06:00

It has been nice being off these two days. When it started snowing I was working the score table for the school's basketball game. Got to see an old friend who coaches for the opposing team. Nice.

The drive home and driving since has been ok, but there is one thing that really annoys me about people who drive in/when it snows/has snowed.

I understand that it is annoying to have to clean off the car if you do not have the luxury of a garage/car port/covered parking. But, for real, it is not that difficult.

It bothers me when people don't wipe down the top of their cars or the trunk. The spewing of dust is one thing, but when the stuff starts to freeze, it turns to ice. I have had several occasions where I had ice crusts come soaring toward my car and had to swerve (almost causing an accident) to make sure the chunk did not break through my window. I have had one occasion where I couldn't swerve and it did hit the glass causing a huge crack in the window.

Please, take the extra three minutes to dust off the whole car. It's not like shoveling snow -- you will not have a heart attack by reaching up a little bit. If you have an SUV, get a broom or stand on the entryway into the car.

Thanks, and I apologize for becoming that complaining old woman.

My only look back... I'm moving forward

2010-01-01T10:02:00.005-06:00

Happy New Year to all and I hope it is infinitely better than 2009!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Spoke my mind more and put my foot down more with various people

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year, but I have some for this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What places did you visit?
Little towns in MO, and Houston, TX -- didn't travel enough.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More money

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 20 -- Inauguration Day. Pretty memorable for various reasons - one being that I voted for someone and they actually won for the first time in my voting career

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Can't really think of anything (that may be one goal for this year) -- I did post each day in November which was a big thing for me

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not communicating enough with friends and family

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Got my first sinus infection. Regular back issues

11. What was the best thing you bought?
New pair of really cute boots. More practically, a basement draining system.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Anyone who was selfless

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Politicians of various local and national levels; former coaching colleague

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food, bills, gas

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Seeing and being around friends and family.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Knock You Down -- Keri Hilson; not a favorite, but I do love "now I'm mad real mad Joe Jackson"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
same.
b) thinner or fatter?
a little bigger - though not much
c) richer or poorer?
a little more money - but not enough to make a big difference yet

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Hanging out with friends and communicating better

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Wasting time on needless games/social networking agents

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family and friends

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Only more with my man

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Lost, Curb Your Enthusiasm, 1000 Ways to Die, Project Runway (though not nearly as good as in the past)

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate... I appreciate (even the people I don't like teach me and help me grow)

24. What was the best book you read?
Didn't really get to read any new books, though I did get through Easier Said Than Done written by an old friend and The Slide written by a high school classmate

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Finding out Sade and Corinne Bailey Rae were coming out with new CDs

26. What did you want and get?
A blender

27. What did you want and not get?
A lottery win

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Nine Queens (Nueve Reinas)

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Hung out with friends and family. Stopped adding when I turned 21.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Way more money and way more time and good times with friends

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
More put together, though still needing improvement

32. What kept you sane?
My man, my chiropractor, not reading the news regularly

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Don't care that much about any of them - if I have to choose one, then Amy Goodman

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Inauguration, gay marriage, health care, war, Blackwater, climate issues, economic crisis, coup in Honduras, Nigerian trying to bomb plane

35. Who did you miss?
Various friends I haven't seen in a while; family overseas I haven't seen in forever

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Didn't meet to many new people (shame) but I am liking my new assistant coach

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
I need to be more communicative and try to foresee the consequences (good or bad) of my actions; I need to figure out what I really want in life. I was at a conference and heard an acronym that I am digging -- PUSH -- persist until something happens

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Just get back up when it knocks you down. (See #16)

I borrowed this idea from Chase After the Wind blog.

Quote I am digging right now

2009-12-20T21:54:00.003-06:00

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again.

~ Og Mandino

You can tell I need a vacation

2009-12-17T13:13:00.001-06:00

Today at lunch in the teachers' lounge some of the teachers were poking fun at a student who they just found out has a girlfriend. "I guess there is someone for everyone," one of the teachers said.

It took all my energy and food being in my mouth to not say something along the lines of "You should have known that since all of you are married and you are mostly jackasses, assholes, jerks, and people I can't imagine being with a woman in a relationship. So yeah, there is someone for everyone." I had to leave the room after I finished chewing that bite because I couldn't stand to listen to them go off about kids, teachers, and life in general and I also didn't have the patience to put together a way to go off on them in a way that would have them shut up real quick and rethink before they speak bad about stupid shit.

The guy across the hall usually plays music between classes. For a time it was Miley Cyrus "Party in the USA". For about a month now, it has been holiday music. I can't stand doing hall duty between classes because of the music. I don't go to stores after Thanksgiving (though now they are playing it before even that holiday) because I may have to suffer through that music. Now I have to suffer through it for 6 minutes after each class.

And he plays it loud. Real loud.

Very glad for short days the rest of this week and next week. Super glad there are only 3 times during the next few days that he will be playing that music since there are only two classes each day until the break.

Looking for life directions

2009-12-15T10:47:00.000-06:00

Since Thanksgiving day I have been thinking of what I would feel like on this day. It is the anniversary of when my uncle came off life support and passed away last year. Yesterday I kept hearing his laugh in my head. I also think about how not much has changed in my life in the past year.

Today I am trying to figure out what I have done with my life. I am at a point where I am really trying to figure out what I really want, where I really want to go, and what I want to do in order to make those wants come to be reality.

For some reason, coming up with some specific wants and desires is kind of hard for me. I can make some generalities about what I want -- happiness, a good pair of pants that fit in the ass as well as the waist band, a good family of my own, to live in a safe place, to live in a city where I can walk to and from various places for necessities and fun stuff, the list goes on -- but for some reason I am quite general about where those things will happen and how they will come to be.

I don't usually make new year's resolutions, but I feel like this one is necessary. I need to figure out what I really want and how I am going to make those things happen.

My birthday is this Saturday and by the next birthday, I want to be on the road to achieving my goals.

Wordless Wednesday: Be careful on Facebook

2009-12-09T09:55:00.002-06:00

Today's edition is hilarious... Facebook Snafus on Huffington Post. Thanks to Kid Sis #2 for the comedy.

Here is just one of the funny examples on the page.

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it

2009-12-07T06:56:00.002-06:00

No, this is not a tribute to Jessie Spano of Saved By The Bell.

I love to sleep. Most nights I don't get enough sleep. I usually stay up later than I need to doing things that I don't really need to be doing or watching movies like The Shawshank Redemption, which I have seen numerous times, but love and can watch many more times.

Last night I went to bed around midnight. Woke up today around 5:20 - the usual time.

I left at my usual time to head for work - around 6:15.

The interstate (Highway 40 to locals) officially opened this morning. It took me 22 minutes to get to work.

That is about 15 minutes less than usual. Which means, I can now sleep about 15 minutes more in the mornings. I was so excited driving out here that I didn't even get to enjoy the new route. The singing, shouting for joy, and rush of it all (plus the fact that it was still pitch black) all made it hard to take in the scenery.

Maybe on the way home.

Off to start my day full of children, the Russian Revolution, and the Enlightenment.

No reason for AIDS to be spreading as it is

2009-12-01T09:55:00.002-06:00

Another day for the world to briefly think about the disease that is ever increasing its scope in the world despite the fact that it is highly preventable. World AIDS Day 2009. It is sad that so many people continue to spread this disease; it is sad that so many in young age brackets are transmitting this disease without realizing what they are doing. It is sad that many schools and parents do not feel it necessary to teach young people about safe sex practices, and then when they go ahead and have sex or perform oral sex or have anal sex (which are not considered sex in many minds) despite their promises not to or the special rings on their fingers, they are not in the know of the simple latex protection they can use to help prevent AIDS and many other STDs.

Some statistics for you...

Right now there are :

33.4 million people living with HIV worldwide
31.3 million adults
15.7 million women
2.1 million children under 15

In 2008 alone -- new HIV cases:

2.7 million people
2.3 million adults
430,000 children under 15

In 2007 there were 2 million total HIV-related deaths.

You can get some ideas about what you can do (besides just wrapping it up and getting you and your partners tested) on this World AIDS Day site. Respect and Protect. I remember a line from Michael Franti's Spearhead: I know these things and these things I must know 'cause it's better to know than to not know!

If you are in the Saint Louis, Missouri area, you can learn more about the St. Louis Effort for AIDS.

Mission accomplished, one month later

2009-11-30T10:52:00.001-06:00

I never thought I could do it, but I made it through National Blog Posting Month. I wrote all 30 days. It wasn’t my best work by any means, but I stuck with it.

There were some days when I had no idea what to write and pulled something out of my bum cheeks, other days when I had a lot going on in my head, but no time to really get it down in a more cohesive way so just wrote something more simple.

All in all, it was fun and a bit challenging.

Although I will not write every day until the next challenge, I will try and write more often from now on; it is good for the soul and good for the mind to have an outlet. Also good to try and get something down regularly even if there is a sense of writer’s block. That is what so many good bloggers say, but sometimes life just gets hold of me and I don't write for numerous reasons and non-reasons.

Trying to figure out education and my life

2009-11-29T19:48:00.003-06:00

I like teaching.

I like imparting knowledge on young people. I love being the one to teach them history that they never knew about; teaching them about places in the world they never knew existed (or never knew existed in the way they actually do and not the way they have seen in stereotypical images); teaching them how to write in non-text language; teaching them that there are more websites to view than youtube and Facebook; helping them to welcome new friendships and seeing people in new lights rather than the hate they may have been taught.

I love coaching them to reach beyond what they thought was physically possible; helping them understand the benefits of stretching and eating appropriately.

But maybe it is time to reevaluate what I am doing.

Maybe I would be better in some other capacity. Or maybe some other capacity would be better for me. There is only so much grading and planning and meetings with no follow through that a person can take. There is only so much of kids making out in the hallways, kids not really caring about their future possibilities, teachers and administrators not understanding the connections between social justice issues and the number of minorities in ISS/OSS and not in the classrooms where they are supposed be learning so they are not left behind.

Perhaps this is some sort of early life crisis. Perhaps it is me trying to figure out a way to get the education system to change so that more young people are served in a more equitable way.

Perhaps it is me trying to get into another profession.

I’m not sure.

Hopefully I find the answers to what it is I need to do – to what it is I want to do.

Counting, driving, and the po-po

2009-11-28T10:00:00.002-06:00

A lot of times I go through the motions in life; not really aware of what I am doing, and just kind of going with the flow. Sometimes when I am walking I start counting my steps without even realizing it until I have gotten into the 20s -- weird, I know. I can even be talking with someone and counting my steps. Not sure why I do it. Maybe it is some sort of meditation device to keep me calm in various scenarios. Not sure.

When I am driving, I sometimes zone out and get half way to a destination before questioning myself as to how I got there safely if I was not completely conscious during the drive. I know it is a problem. When it happens I try to make sure to stay focused on the road.

I think that people in the US tend to allow driving to be a distraction rather than an act. I know in Germany, it is a big deal that they are going to start putting drink containers in the VW because they believe you should only focus on driving and not on drinking, eating, or texting while you drive. I agree. I just cannot seem to stop the thinking part of the driving distractions. I am a good driver, though. Comes with years of driving, years of video games, and years of watching Formula One racing.

I used to be able to say that I had never had a moving violation ticket from the police.

Until yesterday.

I was driving through a neighborhood to a friend's house on the way to the post office. I was looking at the sign underneath the stop sign that says, "You roll it, we'll write it." I was also looking at the man raking his leaves in the yard on the corner. In these distractions, I somehow rolled the stop sign.

I did not see the cop sitting just beyond the man raking the leaves, but he saw me. I almost want to blame the guy raking the leaves. I'm sure the cop was not really paying attention, but he said that the guy raking pointed out that I had rolled the sign.

Ok. I deserved it.

I guess I am due.

As he came toward me, and I was thinking of how much money I was going to have to come out of, I was counting how many steps it took him to get to my car. Eight coming to the car, 6 going back to his computer to make sure I was not a felon.

Addiction to a time waster

2009-11-27T11:30:00.001-06:00

When I first played Lara Croft and one of the versions of the Sims, I was unable to really get a lot of school work done since I was more interested in getting further in the games. Along comes this new distraction.

But this one is worse since it is much harder to get past levels and there are no cheats available on the web.

I can't remember which blog I found this on, but thanks a lot! I am addicted to this stupidly game, Drench. And I cannot seem to be able to get past the 22nd level -- it counts down from 30.

It is so simple, yet so difficult once you start to have less moves.

Prince can help you give thanks

2009-11-26T09:04:00.012-06:00

I know some people don't like Prince, but he is an amazing musical artist. Even with the religious changes that make him not want to gyrate on stage anymore, when I saw him in concert a few years ago, he was still amazing to watch live.

A lot of his lyrics have some real bite to them. One of the songs I was listening to the other day is "If I Was Your Girlfriend". I think a lot of people sat on what the song was really saying since they were thinking that he must be sending some androgynous/homosexual/transsexual message or something.

The line that really gets me is "If I was your one and only friend, would you run to me if somebody hurt you even if that somebody was me?"

Seriously!?!

That is just the epitome of what a great relationship should entail.

Significant other, friend, parents, siblings, extended family -- that is how the relationships should be if they are ideal.

*** Do not stay with someone who physically hurts you -- get out/away from those relationships ASAFP. ***

People you love can sometimes get on your nerves -- I know I am not the only one.

There should definitely be give and take and there should hopefully be openness to discuss the discrepancies that come up and have the potential to escalate into arguments.

Happy Holidays to you and yours whatever you are doing.

Hopefully, you can find and stay close with those special someones in your life.

Why do The Randoms care what I do?

2009-11-25T08:51:00.003-06:00

Why is it ok for random people I don't usually talk to to ask me about my holiday plans?

It seems as though the weekend is a personal one that is intimately shared with loved ones - same with the holidays in December.

Perhaps I am being a Grinch or something, but I don't think it is really any of The Randoms' business.

I often wonder if they are asking just to make conversation, or if they are asking so that they can compare and see if my plans are cooler than theirs, or if they are trying to find out if I get along with my people since they tend to like to argue with their family members.

Don't really know the reason, don't really care. But just like when people ask me how I am doing, I tend to not reciprocate. Not because I am being rude, but because what you do with your family is your business and not mine.

And I really don't care to hear about how much food you are going to scarf down in one day.

I have never really understood the purpose of eating until it hurts. I have done it, and it does not feel good. So, no, I will not eat until I need to unbuckle my pants/feel like throwing up/need to take a break/can't eat anymore/fall asleep. I will eat like I do most days and follow the saying Hara hachi bunme -- the Japanese concept of eating until you are about 80% full. Yeah, there will be yummy food on the table, but I have always been good on holidays at just eating a little bit of what looks really tasty.

Though there is always room for The Middlest's homemade cheesecake. How my sister got so good at making it, I don't know, but it is mighty tasty -- and if she does not make it this weekend, I will disown her until she returns to town and makes some like she knows she is supposed to do.

One year later it is finally hitting me

2009-11-24T10:58:00.002-06:00

I really don't try to watch a lot of news. I have even strayed away from Amy Goodman and Democracy Now (that is partly because they don't play it on the radio and some times not on the public access channel). I sometimes go to some websites to see what is going on, but for the most part I am oblivious.

I know this event was long ago and far away to some, but it is still something that I am amazed at and still ponder. The attacks in Mumbai that took place the 26th to the 29th of Novembr 2008.

One of Kit's recent posts was on the normality of all things strange. Even with terror attacks there is a sense that it is not really real, that it is not really happening. When I first heard of the attacks in Mumbai, I was shocked that such a large thing could occur in India. I know through studying history that there is a lot of conflict between the Pakistani and the Indian people, but it had never escalated to something so large. Previously the attacks had not attacked the more wealthy people in the larger cities; previously the attacks had not been on international people in the area.

This was different.

This weekend I happened to see the HBO film, Terror in Mumbai. If you have HBO, you need to watch this. It was a great documentary. It had the actual phone calls the terrorists were making as the events unfolded. It has images of the actual dead bodies that were splayed in the station. It shows the media as they were attacked by the terrorists as they drove through Mumbai.

One of the really crazy things was the police that were involved in the whole catastrophe. From the start, it was clear that they were not ready for such an attack. In the station, they basically stood back and waited for the shooting to end rather than stepping up to retaliate. Later, they are shown with a sever lack of weaponry to go against the well-equipped terrorists. They made calls for reinforcements and backup, but even when they had video coverage of what the terrorists were doing inside the beautiful Taj Mahal Hotel, they could not do anything since the people who had the real weapons and the training had not arrived.

The things about the police is that they are prepared for what they have experienced and what people close to them have experienced.

So, I guess the Indians have never really had anything that led them to have to have strong weapons, to wear bullet-proof vests, to have to be ready for terrorists.

They lived in a fairly peaceful society.

In the United States, we are so accustomed to violence that our police are always ready, we have intruder drills in the schools in case there is someone in the vicinity of the school who is not supposed to be there, even airports have drills to make sure they are ready.

I'm sure that the Indians now are more prepared now for such a horrific event possibly happening.

I wish we lived in a society where there was not a need to be ready for such things. A world where there such events were not becoming a regular occurrence; where people are not numbed to the feelings of others; where people care about what is going on with the people near them and the people not so near them.

A world where the killing with weapons ends, where the killing with discriminatory laws stops. A world where we can all sound corny like Rodney King, but really mean it when we ask, "Can't we all just get along?"

I still feel free and don't want to look back

2009-11-23T20:44:00.001-06:00

I am a really laid back person. I don’t get really upset about much (except traffic and bad drivers).

But today while I was stuck in some traffic while taking a different route home from my parents house, I experienced feelings I hoped I would never have again.

I was driving on the street by my old workplace and was stopped at the light by the street that leads to the school. I was already frustrated that people were not driving at decent speeds so we could all make it through the short light, when I saw a sight that upset me.

I glanced to the left to see who was pulling out of the perpendicular street so I could know if I needed to leave space for them to turn in front of me (yes, even when angry with traffic, I can still be nice to drivers). I did a double take and saw her.

The superintendent of the school.

I just started remembering all these feelings of the past:

Lack of acknowledgement
Losing my first blog when a student told her about it and she read of my feelings toward her after she basically got rid of my friend, colleague and a good teacher
My lack of patience for the lack of care for teachers’ outside lives
Her saying that women should not have children if they want to be good teachers
Her taking teachers out of the classroom so much they don’t feel like they are ever with their students
The incredible headaches I started to experience the last 2 years of teaching there
The days I would feel like Cinque in the movie Amistad and would actually scream in my head "Give us, us free!"
The principal that always had me wondering why he still had a job
The amount I care about a lot of the teachers still there and how much I hope they all get out of there or that things change significantly to make their jobs easier

It all flashed in my mind pretty quickly. I felt rage toward her and was glad that she was not turning to go in my direction. If she was, I would have really wanted that rubber car I hope to create one day so that I could ram her a few times.

Fortunately, it all passed once I got through that light.

Then, I was at peace knowing that I am not there, and that my job is easier, and that I have more time outside of school, and I no longer suffer from debilitating headaches.

I am out of that cult-like atmosphere.

Live like a hamster - in France

2009-11-22T17:55:00.003-06:00

I have sometimes seen people and wondered what it would be like to live a day in their life. Even when things are going bad in my life, I still am ok with it. There is always hope for it to be better – I just have to put in work.

But I have never wanted what it was like to live as an animal.

But if you have, you can stay in this nice villa in Western France and for 145 USD stay in a suite that will allow you to live like a hamster.

If you are not feeling like you are running around crazy in your regular life, you can run around the giant hamster wheel. You can drink water out of one of those big hamster water jugs with the metal straw-like thing. You can sleep on hay. You can even wear some hamster ears.

If you want to live like a hamster, find out more here.

I really need to get in on some of these wacko inventions/resort ideas. There are always people wanting to do these things.

There is money to be made.

Getting rid of words

2009-11-21T17:30:00.006-06:00

I really can't stand when people use the N-word do describe brown people.

Check out this young mind, Jonathan McCoy sharing reasons why it should not be used.

Chimps, time-wasters, and comedy

2009-11-20T08:59:00.001-06:00

If you are like me, you like to occasional have a good laugh at someone else's expense. You also like to send people funny emails. You also like to sometimes take up precious time with things that are not so precious or that you should be putting off until later -- but why put off what you can do now? If you are like me, you also like primates.

All of these things lead me to the website Monk-e-Mail.

I think either a sister or old friend of mine sent me one of these years ago and a few times a year, I remember the site and send out fun messages to people.

With Monk-e-mail, you can create messages to send to friends (or enemies) where a primate dressed in what ever you like can verbally talk to your friend saying whatever you type in, or you can call in and have the chimp talking in your voice.

Awesome.

I'm off to send a few now.

Not really enjoying the commute

2009-11-19T09:07:00.006-06:00

On the way to / from school I like to complete various activities.

I can focus on what I am about to teach or what I taught and how it went.
I can try to unwind after a hard day of dealing with class after class of freshmen.
I can listen to some really interesting stories on NPR during Morning Edition, or The World, or Talk of the Nation. Usually informative, entertaining, or thought provoking.
I can listen to the Ricky Smiley Morning Show and Gary's Tea in the morning to catch up on some celebrity gossip.
I can listen to the hilarious prank phone calls sometimes played on the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
I can try and find music in the morning on radio channels that seem to think that people want to hear talk. Who started that? I am pretty sure it would be more motivating to listen to some good music on the way to a movie rather than some people who think they are funny.
I can try and see how many people almost hit me because they are talking or texting on their cellular phones.
I can debate why I get mad at people for driving under the speed limit. I know they should be able to go slower since the number is the maximum speed they should be going, but it is really annoying when people drive below the speed limit.
I can try different routes to see if they are faster than taking the Parkway home.
I can daydream of the day when the highway will be opened.

That last one is really on my most days.

Once the highway is finished it will potentially cut off up to 15 minutes from my commute to and from school. I guess, then, I won't be able to do all the enjoyable activities, but I'm sure I will enjoy being able to sleep in a little longer, or being able to get home faster and do whatever it is I choose to do with my personal time.

December 7th cannot come sooner.

Reality tv causes me pain each Tuesday

2009-11-18T08:39:00.006-06:00

When I was younger and the Real World was still good and not as predictable and full of young bucks just trying to fornicate and drink until they die, I used to want to be on that show. I thought it would be cool to be on tv and see how I would interact with some people I had never met.

There are a bunch of reasons why I am glad I did not send in the videos to audition for a cast position. First, I would have been THAT black chick -- I'm sure that one of the roomies would have pushed my buttons so far that I would have had to keep it real and then might have gotten the boot. Second, I might have indulged in so much drinking that I would have done something on camera that I would not want to be replayed in marathons of the show for my family, friends and students to see. Third, many of the people on that show (as well as Road Rules) seem to not have lives after the show - they make it through life by being on the challenge shows and doing the reunions and college tours. Seriously guys, life does go on after the Real World -- Kevin Powell is proof of that.

Now that I am older, I would love to go on one of the reality shows where I could win money for doing stuff that I know how to do, or for traveling around the world.

Each Tuesday when the Biggest Loser comes on, I am always eating a huge meal and I always end up eating way more than my stomach can handle.

Last night it was chicken wings, carrots, celery, and french fries.

I ate so much that it really hurt.

I don't know how people can eat this much. Every week I have that thought -- how could I have eaten so much? Why did I just eat so much that my stomach is so tight that it pains me to laugh?

My only answer is that I am subconsciously trying to be on the show. I know that it would take a lot for me to be on that show, but what else could be the reason for me binging so much each Tuesday? I love that the people on the show are getting healthy and learning to eat better and recognize their problems that led them to get to the size that they are. I also hate that people who are healthy do not have a chance to win thousands of dollars for being healthy already.

For my health, I will have to find another show to try and work toward being on.

And hopefully next Tuesday I will not be pigging out in front of the tv.

I like looking good, but not the pain associated with it

2009-11-17T08:08:00.005-06:00

Back when I was an athlete I would often work out really hard, but not feel the soreness until two or more days later. It was kind of nice -- hard workout, not feel it until you are ready for another hard day of lifting or workout out in other ways.

I am clearly no longer an athlete. I am completely lazy and am more of a couch potato than any type of competitor.

For a few weeks now, I have been putting off raking the leaves in the front and back of the house. Especially since the trees in the church yard next door is not done shedding their leaves. And part of me thought that I would have them come over and rake the leaves since the trees are theirs. But I guess that wouldn't work out too well.

But, I was tired of having to step through a pond of leaves to get to the car, and since no other homes on the street have trees of any substance, my home was looking like it belonged on some show like Hoarders or Clean House. I really was starting to feel embarrassed to park in front and walk inside the lone house with the messed up yard.

So, Sunday I rushed to rake the leaves before it started to rain.

And of course, when I did the raking, I tried to do see just how fast I could do it -- which led me to the way I am feeling today.

Super sore. I feel like I did a bunch of dead lifts -- my left hamstring is ridiculously tight and paining me. My back and shoulders are sore as well.

Part of me enjoys the feeling of being sore; I finally did something to work out my body. But another part of me really wants to not feel this way again. I know that I should be doing something today to counter this tightness and the soreness, but, like I said, I am lazy. Perhaps after I get off and go home I will be more apt to do something. At least stretching. For awhile I was getting good at doing about 45 minutes of stretching most days of the week due to my back issues, but I have gotten off of that plan and need to get back on it today so that I can ease this pain and hopefully keep the pain from coming in the future as well.

Dear Dairy Products

2009-11-16T07:42:00.004-06:00

Dear Dairy Products,

I know that when I was younger I did not fully appreciate you. I know that I mainly used you for eating my multiple bowls of cereal. I know that when I ate elementary lunch, I would sometimes take the excess cheese off the pizza, I would not eat grilled cheese sandwiches, I would not take nachos and cheese, that I never drank you out of the cardboard milk cartons in any flavor, and would look at the students peeling away pieces of string cheese with their dirty hands to place in their mouths with a bit of disgust. I know that I should have tried yogurt more when I was younger and not been revolted by the chunks of fruit sitting at the bottom of the tins.

Dairy, I know that you are good for strong bones and teeth and what not.

Maybe it was because deep down I knew that you were not the food that was meant for me to love eternally. Maybe deep down I knew the pain that you would cause me in the future. I consider myself a really tolerant person, but for some reason, my body does not want to tolerate you.

Now I am older and have come to like you a bit more. I have avoided you for so long that often times it is hard for us to be together without you getting mad at me for the long lapses apart. I understand that. But please, even though we meet together so rarely, can you try not to punish me. Friends should not want to hurt friends as you have been hurting me. I don't know if I will keep coming back to you if you keep attacking my gut so much, if you keep causing me to change my plans, or if you keep making me leave the bathroom only to turn around and have to go right back again, and again, and again.

Perhaps you are mad at me for turning to the soy for my cereal. Or for not regularly cooking with you. Or for turning to non-dairy ice cream -- that was only temporary. I am trying to get back to the regular ice cream, but if I eat portions that are satisfying, you tend to really upset me.

I know that I never really understood why we should be drinking a product from another animal since no other being intentionally does that. But I have come to accept that you are here to stay, that you are in so many foods that it will be hard to avoid you. It is possible to avoid you completely, but then I would not fully enjoy food. And, Dairy, all I want is to be able to enjoy food -- to be able to enjoy some of the products you have to offer that I am interested in consuming -- with out the pain, with out you coming right back out ten minutes later. I don't like to beg, but if it will help the situation, I am not above it.

Dairy Products, please consider us being friends.

Sincerely,
ai

I can read but she can't sing

2009-11-15T19:49:00.004-06:00

The CIA World Factbook says that the United States literacy rate is 99% (Other sources say it is at around 86%). After teaching for years, I beg to differ. I have come across so many struggling readers (and I teach high school) that I believe the functional literacy rate is actually lower. But I still believe that there are many people in this country who are literate enough to read basic material.

Which is why, I cannot understand why people at churches seem to be interested in leading the songs in a manner as though they believe their parishioners are illiterate.

I have seen this many times, most recently today at my parents' church. Everyone in the congregation has the handout with the song lyrics. Everyone (or at least the majority) know how to read.

The lyrics are written in the order we will sing them. The chorus is even retyped at the end of each verse.

Yet, after each verse, the lady leading the singing says the first lines of the next verse right before the people in the audience are to sing them.

Why?

Her saying the first 5 words of the next verse does not suddenly help us know where we are on the paper -- we are already there.

We can read.

We all have the paper in front of us.

It is so annoying. Almost as annoying as the tone-deaf woman who sat in front of me who also seems to be volume-deaf as she sings so loud that the horrible sound of her voice is actually quite distracting and is not a joyful noise being lifted to any god.

Fatpita can take up a lot of time

2009-11-14T17:42:00.005-06:00

Saw these while wasting time on the site fatpita and couldn't stop chuckling:

Eating food in order to save money

2009-11-13T14:21:00.005-06:00

I have been working about a month now to really eat everything in my house. There are so many times in the past when I would say there is nothing to eat and there was really something there that could be eaten. I have now cleared out even my stash of Ramen noodles. I have finished every Chinese take-out red pepper container. I have eaten every last thing of string cheese. I have even finished off all of my vitamins.

Now I will start fresh on food.

I am going to work on buying things that I really need and that I will really actually eat. I don't want my house to be a food pantry, and I don't want to waste money on food that I am not going to eat before the expiration date.

We'll see how this works out.

Don't questions deserve (at least) a chance for an answer?

2009-11-12T10:19:00.002-06:00

When did “What’s up?’ and “How are you?” become greetings rather than a questions?

When I see people in the hallways or as I pass on the street I no longer ask them how they doing. I stopped doing that a few years ago because when people asked me the same question, they would not stop to hear my answer, and when I asked them, sometimes their response was just to repeat the question back to me.

I am not trying to be impolite when I don’t ask how you are doing, I just like for that kind of interaction to be an actual interaction with a person. I like when someone cares enough to actually listen to my response rather than just keep walking by me when they ask me a question.

With the people that I am real cool with, or people who look like they need to get something off of their chests, I will take the time to ask them how they are doing. And if I am walking in the hall, I stop walking, turn and wait for them to tell me what’s up. I actually stop doing what I was doing, I actually look at them when they reply, I actually listen, I actually act like I care that I just asked a question that warrants a response.

Let those who are lost stay lost

2009-11-11T20:14:00.003-06:00

As I watch reruns of Lost and prepare myself for the insane addiction that is that show and all it doesn't explain to its viewers, I came across this advertisement someone posted.

Cracks me up.Can't wait to be even more confused when the new season starts.

And I hope the person who put this out posts whatever s/he finds out about the show to help all the others who are equally as confused.

The soundtrack in my head is struggling to survive this

2009-11-10T10:38:00.006-06:00

Somehow the time of the year for the Key Club to raise money came earlier this year than last year. But again, they are doing the annoying song before school, between classes, and after school each day until they raise $800. Unlike last year when they played some Hanson Brothers' song, this year it is Myle Cyrus or Hannah Montanah or whichever name the teen goes by.

Hoedown Throwdown.

The song is super annoying. Some kind of mixture between country music, rap, and a combo of all those electric slide/chacha slide/cupid shuffle types of songs.

So far not too many people are disturbed by it, but I am beginning to lose my ability to smile between classes. Rather than my usual greeting at the door of the students entering my room and hellos to the students passing by on their way to class, I have almost a grimace pasted to my face.

I probably look like I am in pain because it is really difficult for me to focus on another song in my mind that is more pleasant as that one is blasting through every speaker in the school building.

I don't know which is worse, the song, kids walking by singing along, or the students who stop in the hallway and start to do the Hoedown Throwdown dance.

Actually, I do know. The worst thing is that even as I type this, the song is emanating through my brain to the point where after I write each sentence and take a break for any moment of time, little lyrics are being rehashed.

Fortunately I only know the chorus so I can't sing the whole song.

Unfortunately, I only know the chorus so I can only keep repeating "do the hoe-down throw-down, do the hoe-down, throw-down," something about popping and locking it and polka-dotting it, and that being how we roll over and over and over and over each time there is a moment of not much thought in my brain.

I must keep thinking.

And I must make sure that the soundtrack in my head defeats the speakers in the school.

Hairdressing is my next calling

2009-11-09T10:26:00.003-06:00

Ever since I was small, when I went to the stylist and asked for a trim the person would inevitably cut at least two inches from my hair.

Perhaps I was incorrect in assuming that a trim would not be the same as a cut. I know that my ends were not bad most of the time, I got regular cuts so they were never split. Most times I wanted a trim just to even it out since hairs grow at different paces.

With my mini-fro, I have the same issue with hairs being different lengths. The braid lady trimming the sides of the braid didn't help the hairs much at all.

So... last night I decided to go over the hair with the 8 guard again to make it even.

Little did I know that I have hair dresser skills and can trim excessive amounts of hair despite the desire of the client -- in this case, me.

The initial trim leads to some hairs not looking even, which leads to me cutting just a bit more, which leads to me seeing things in my hair/head that I don't like, which leads to me cutting more, which leads to it not being even, which leads to me cutting even more.

I am now no longer 2" or more.

I am now a little over a centimeter in length.

Which is fine. I will still keep growing it.

Though I am now almost tempted to go lower -- it just looks so good short, and it is super easy now. I don't even need a comb anymore. I am back to ab brush and to not needing extra time to untangle the coils.

Loving my mini-fro

2009-11-08T09:05:00.000-06:00

I am still loving my hair. I took the braids out (rather found a lady who took them out in 20 minutes for $30 - much better than the over half a day it took last time I had microbraids). Dealt with all the questions from students and teachers about why I took them down after only a month and a half.

Now I'm back to the mini-afro. Stretched out, the hair is about 2 inches, in the natural fro it looks about an inch long. Now dealing with getting used to having to comb it regularly, especially after sitting against something to pick it back to its beautiful roundness.

I bought some scarves and am playing around with rocking them. All in all, I am enjoying this length. Never imagined that I would since it is so in-between and since I really liked the ease of being bald.

I may put some braids in again one day, but for now, I am enjoying being able to really get in and feel my scalp all the time - washing, playing with the coils, etc.

The only issue I am dealing with now is that I have some hairs that are super-tightly coiled, some that are wavy, some that are completely straight. Not sure what that is all about, and not sure how to deal with it other than to use the clippers and trim my fro. I am using an 8 guard on the clippers and that is the longest I have for my clippers.

For the next trim I may have to go in and see some one. Which in itself is a bit frightening.

Last time I went somewhere to get my hair done it was to get a weave put in before the big chop. (I looked so crazy that even though the process took 6 hours, I took the 'do down about an hour after getting home.) Before that, the last time I had someone do my hair was when I was in college and went and saw the white dude in Brady to put some layers in my hair -- turned out to be one of the best hair cuts I ever had -- loved it. Before Brady-man, the last hair stylist in my hair was probably for my senior prom where the stylist gave me some slightly crispy, too-much-gel-in-it hair.

I may try to put some braids or twists in the front and let the mini-fro go in the back, or see if I can get someone to do some little two strands that I can take out and have a twist-out.

For such short hair, there are so many options.

Goal is to go until May without cutting it -- that will be a year. I would love to be able to rock a long poof in the back of my head, or a nice afro-twist-out. Or even to twist some bantu knots back like I used to before the natural hair; I'm sure they will hold better and look cool with my kinkier hair.

If it doesn't work out after that, I may go back to the bald look.

At least I know I look good with no hair. And it was super easy.

Squirrels, trees, churches, and finally, sleep

2009-11-07T11:15:00.005-06:00

Since spring, I have suffered through my Saturday and Sunday mornings listening to squirrels climb the tree in the front of the house and then scramble across the roof toward the back yard where they jump onto the electrical wire and go about their business.

So much for sleeping in.

The tree is not actually in my yard, so I have been calling the church next door bi-monthly to ask them to cut it down or at least trim it so that the branches are not scraping against the house when the wind blows and so that creatures can't crawl up to the roof.

This morning as I tried to sleep in, I was awakened by a little bit more pleasant sound than the nail scrapes of dirty, nasty squirrels.

Today I heard the sound of a power saw. I rushed to the window and saw that a man was finally cutting down some of the branches.

I haven't been outside to fully see the results, but know (based on the noise) that at least a few of the branches that were leaning on the roof are now trimmed shorter.

May I now rest in peace.

Bad moods can make me a genius???

2009-11-06T09:17:00.005-06:00

Clearly science is on my side.

Researchers down under have found that, "bad moods can actually be good for you, with an Australian study finding that being sad make people less gullible, improves their ability to judge others and also boosts memory."

People who may be more sad are better and sifting through bullshit and with dealing with demanding situations.

More power to me when life gets me down.

People in a bad mood were also less likely to make snap decisions based on racial or religious prejudices, and they were less likely to make mistakes when asked to recall an event that they witnessed.
The study also found that sad people were better at stating their case through written arguments, which Forgas said showed that a "mildly negative mood may actually promote a more concrete, accommodative and ultimately more successful communication style."
"Positive mood is not universally desirable: people in negative mood are less prone to judgmental errors, are more resistant to eyewitness distortions and are better at producing high-quality, effective persuasive messages," Forgas wrote.

I don't really suffer from menstrual moods, but if any of you women do, rest assured that those could be the smartest times of your month.

Coming from where I'm from

2009-11-05T09:24:00.001-06:00

After writing my post from yesterday, I have decided to change the way that I identify where I am from.

I am no longer from St. Louis, Missouri, Midwest, USA.

From now on I am simply from North America.

53 countries in Africa... why can't you specify which you refer to

2009-11-04T07:37:00.002-06:00

I found an article yesterday titled "Giant Crack in Africa Will Create a New Ocean".

I don't believe I have ever read about any event/activity in any parts of Europe where they generalize the whole continent. Or Asia. Or even South America. Even when people go to Antarctica they use the different coordinates to designate which part of that ice island they are occupying.

There are 53 countries in Africa.

Is it that hard to say that the crack is in Ethiopia?

The mainland US could fit inside the continent about four times. The continent is about 30.2 million square km (11.7 millioin square miles). The entire United States is 9.83 million square kilometers (3.79 million square miles) so including Alaska and Hawaii could fit in the continent three times.

Even the countries that look small on the distorted maps that people typically use are larger than several states that are here in the US.

I have had people in my parents' church go to numerous places in the world to proselytize and each time before they go, they stand in front of the church and tell the specific cities and the countries where they will be going.

Except when they go to the Motherland.

Then they are just going to Africa.

No nations specified.

Just Africa.

This is why I introduced an African Studies class at my last school and why I am in the process of trying to get one started at my current school.

There is more than just the opportunity for a safari. There are people there who do not have AIDS. There are places where food is plentiful. There are places where the people are dark in skin tone and places where people are Mediterranean looking. There are places where people live in homes larger than anything I have encountered here in the States. There are people who are very well educated. There are not lions everywhere, nor are there monkeys on every corner balancing on elephants. There are people with fancier cell phones than I have seen here.

I almost understand Europeans old-school ignorance when they thought it was a "dark continent" because they had not explored it, but times have changed. People have seen the vast wonders of the land. We are no longer in the age of Livingstone.

Africa is a continent. Not a country.

Can diversity occur in school functions run by African Americans?

2009-11-03T07:51:00.005-06:00

Yesterday I mentioned the Girls’ Night Out event at my school. It was a good turnout and the kids got out of it some new perspectives and some of them some new friends. The only thing disturbing about the event was the make up of the students.

There were about 70+ girls there, but only about 10 of them were non-African American.

I can only speculate the reasons for that.

The main woman who thought up the idea and the woman who students were to see to turn in their permission slips is an African American woman. The students who were really excited about attending were African American. About 5 of the 12 sponsors were African American.

But that should not deter white and other ethnic students from attending.

Last year the turn out was predominantly African American as well, so we specifically got some non-white girls to help with the planning and to try to spread the word to the other students that it was open for everyone.

I know that people talk about a post-racial society. That sounds great – let’s just all be a part of the human race. But honestly, the social construct of race is something that is not going to go away. Especially when we have people still doing blackface (and not understanding why it is wrong), still talking about the need to stop “race mixing” (saying they are looking out for the children), still not providing enough economic support to schools that are predominantly made up of minority students (don't really understand the reason for this other than to keep these people perpetually in a state of inequality).

Can’t we all just get along?

I hope that as the message of how fun and meaningful the GNO spreads to more girls that we will have more of a complete mix of students as we have our follow up activities throughout the rest of the school year.

I hope that these students and their lack of desire to fully integrate is not going to be representative of what the future of our nation holds.

Things aren't as bad as they may seem

2009-11-02T11:35:00.004-06:00

Friday I spent 14 hours at the school I where I teach. On purpose. There was the regular school day and then the crisis counselor at school organized a Girl’s Night Out. This is the second year we have had the event.

Last year we went from 5 until midnight with about 60 girls on a Friday and – I am not going to lie – I basically wanted to either kill myself or find a bed to go to sleep in by about 10:45 that time around.

The whole purpose of the event is to help the ladies understand that they can get along with other females and that they all should treat each other with respect. We focused on the term ‘sisterhood’ and what that meant to them and their small groups they were divided into.

The first year, my small group, met together for about the last hour of the night. People were starting to get tired, people were irritated and people were going off on how the others in the group don’t respect them during school hours and how they don’t feel comfortable letting stuff go – they would rather come to physical blows over the issues. All this while I am tired, irritable, and really did not want to be around catty teenage girls any more.

Hopefully that information helps you to understand why I was not super looking forward to this year’s night with about 100 girls.

But, surprisingly, the night went well.

The girls were almost all there on time. We started with an activity where the students shouted out thoughts that might run through their minds as they walk down the halls and see other females. (Everything was negative.) Then for each word called out, one of the adults tore a small piece off of what had been a beautiful drawing of a female silhouette containing all sorts of positive affirmations about women. The girls got the picture of how words really do hurt and even with tape, after they are said, it is not possible to fully put a girl back together.

We then broke into small groups (mine rocked this time around) and answered some questions about being female. One of the girls had a question about what she would say to her mother to help her become a stronger woman and she said that she would tell her that she is not dependent on men and that if a man is not appreciating the mother, the mother should leave. Awesome. She said she has repeatedly had this sort of conversation with her mother to no avail. At least she knows it and she says that she judges guys she dates on how Unlike her mother’s boyfriends they are.

Then the girls rotated to different stations and did an activity and debriefed how the activity ties to their lives and things they go through. My activity was the card game Spoons. The girls loved it and really understood its connection to gossip.

There was a reenergizing half hour of dancing to all my least favorite songs (ChaCha Slide, Cupid Shuffle, and the Electric Slide). The girls loved it all, though and everyone got on the dance floor and danced.

We ended the night with each girl getting a candle and writing something about themselves that they would like to shine on in the future.

Then we stood in the darkened cafeteria and each lit the candle as the girl said her name and “I want my ____ to shine.”

Pretty cool.

This morning it was pretty cool meeting before school to take a group picture with the girls. And throughout each passing time it is great to see all the girls in their Girls Night Out shirts.

I also like the quote chosen for the back of the shirt:

Sisterhood: Drama’s worst enemy.

Hair Pains

2009-11-01T17:38:00.001-06:00

I am going to try my hand at posting each day in November.

Today I went to the mall (which in itself is a big deal for me since I can’t stand the crowds during most hours of the day there). Hung with my good friend Cassandra from KC.

She has always complained about the amount of pain that came with the threading method of brow arching. I have known that she is a punk when it comes to pain, so I brushed it off and told her that I would try it out. I usually pluck mine, which does not hurt, so how much more could it actually hurt than that, right?

Wrong.

That mess really had my eyes about to water.

And I still don’t understand how they are getting at the hairs with some ordinary sewing thread. She was getting it though.

Even when she finished, there was still some stinging going on. She asked if I wanted to put alcohol or lotion on afterward. “Which will hurt less?” “Different people choose different ones.” I chose both and was still feeling the sting for at least five minutes after the process was finished.

Crappy thing is that she didn’t even get all the hairs.

When I got home and could take a closer look, I still had to pluck some stray hairs.

Now, Kid Sis #3 and the mother want me to try waxing.

Perhaps one day.

My mind is playing tricks on me

2009-10-15T13:05:00.004-05:00

Monday I had a kid start coughing really hard while working on an internet assignment I had given. I looked at her to see if she was ok, asked if she needed to go to get a drink. She said she was fine. Stopped coughing. Soon after, she started coughing again. I didn't really look up this time, but soon heard more than a cough.

I heard gagging.

I looked up and saw her puking yellow goo onto her desk and onto the chair and onto the filing cabinet next to her desk and onto her laptop; which she had fortunately closed prior to her semi-projectile ejections.

Somehow I didn't verbalize my thoughts about the situation and appeared to the students to be a calm and collected teacher. (I had initially wanted to yell some expletives and ask her why she didn't leave to do that, try to get to the trash can, and why she was at school if she was feeling sick) I called the nurse, then called a custodian. Fortunately the class was about to dismiss to lunch within the minute she started puking so that the area could be thoroughly disinfected without the students getting in the way. The custodian brought in that sawdust stuff I remember from my childhood to put on the vomit and found something to disinfect the surfaces and the laptop.

Yesterday I was sitting in the same hour class and a student came in with about 10 minutes left in class. I was sitting in the front of the room leading a game of review BINGO for the class.

He rushes into the room, kind of out of breath, and charges over to me.

I am in one of the student desks, so he leans over the desk and starts to try to whisper in my face.

"I just finished throwing up in the hallway."

"Then you need to go to the nurses' offices." I really had a harder time with this situation than I did with the girl -- I don't like close talkers and I don't like germs. This dude was combining all of those, as well as some stank-ass, electrified breath to top it all off.

"I don't want to go to the nurses because they will send me home."

This is what I almost said, "Mu-fucca, you need to go home, because clearly you are sick. You need to take your face away from mine and step back before I stiff arm you all the way through the door on your way to the nurse."

Instead I told him that regardless of his desires, he needed to go see the nurse because there are a lot of students at school coming down with sicknesses and that I didn't want him to be spreading his germs to the lot of us.

He left, I got up and got some hand sanitizer. I got it for two reasons:

To cleanse my hands (though I wanted to wipe some on my face as well)
To sniff (the stuff smells like the gin and tonic that I wish I could have had at the moment -- I can almost understand how the Canadian government didn't want to send the stuff to some of their reservations for fear that they would ingest it for alcohol use)

Now I feel like I am in the remix to the old Geto Boys song "My Mind Playing Tricks on Me". Only instead of being a strange looking little person getting beat up by imaginary people, I am getting sicknesses from strange looking adolescents.

Every time I hear a kid coughing I actually really see the germs flying out of their mouth. When they sneeze, there is a spew of cartoonish green stuff that I have coming out of their nostrils. I have visions of Skittles-colored liquid flying toward me like the Maiden Mist of Niagara.

But I really don't want to taste the rainbow.

I am stocking up on water, hand sanitizer, orange juice, echinacea, and all kinds of good foods. I am sleeping earlier, and if I get sick, I know who to blame.

Well sort of... it has to be one of my 120+ students.

Death -- bring it

2009-10-08T07:14:00.007-05:00

Nothing like starting the day with the possibility of death.

Morning started out nice. Actually slept through the night for the first time in days, woke up a bit earlier than normal and did some working out, left for school and it wasn't raining yet.

Oh, but it soon started to rain. Not super hard, but a bit.

I am driving down Forest Park Parkway on my 30 minute trek to school. Driving well since I can probably drive the street with no vision since I do it so often. I'm avoiding the large water puddles and making it through traffic with few stops at lights.

I get close to the DeBaliviere intersection and get ready for the slow down that occurs there (why people don't know how to cross that street, I am not sure).

As I get closer, I realize that there is a big old semi in the right lane next to me. (I don't alway spay attention to street signs, but I am pretty sure there are not supposed to be big trucks on the Parkway.)

The truck starts to veer toward the left -- toward me.

I am now super close to the other side. The ground is wet and I am steadily trying unsuccessfully to brake. I see the middle median and pole coming ever closer to me. I see the side of the truck coming closer to me. (Ever since some relations of mine and some friends have gotten hit by or nearly hit by big ol' trucks, I am slightly hesitant around them... I like to pass quickly and make sure that they can see me so that they don't hit me.) It is dark at 6:30 in the morning and I am pretty sure they guy did not see me as the pole gets closer and closer to me.

Fortunately, I have gone back to rocking out on Grand Turismo during my insomniac nights and am an awesome race car driver. The whole incident reminded me of rally racing.

I veered some more, taking into account the wet ground and the sliding of my Rolli-san (the name for my Carolla) and succeeded in avoiding both the pole and the semi that was close enough that if a person had been in the passenger side, they could have felt their breath ricochet back from the side of the truck. I'm sure they could have seen the holes in the truck drivers shoes through the little foot window in his door.

Needless to say what followed was a nice boost of adrenaline.

Top that off with the fact that I was rocking out to some excellent driving music (100.3 Thursday morning old-school hip hop mix) and you can see that it was a great way to have my life not end.

Today, I am ready for anything.

Bring it.

Parent teacher conferences until 8pm -- bring it. Possibly six-inches of rain -- bring it. Wedding tomorrow for which I have no clothes to go with the weather we are expecting -- bring it. Micro-braids retightened in the front kind of tight -- bring it. A bit of soreness in the legs and arms from working out -- bring it. Kids complaining about their big unit test I am giving a review for -- bring it.

Even if I had been unskilled in my driving, I would have been ready: I have on the cutest under garments today and would have looked real nice if they had to cut me out of the car and then out of my clothes.

Shock and awe?!

2009-10-03T18:25:00.007-05:00

Why are people so shocked and upset that the Olympic people picked Brazil over Chicago???

Did they really, honestly think that Chicago had a chance over the other options?

I know that now I will be more likely to actually want to go to watch the Games since it is not in the Chi. Yes it would have been nice to host some of the soccer games here in Da Lou, but still... in which option would you rather vacation? Tokyo, Madrid, Rio de Janeiro, or Chicago?

Sorry Oprah, the Obamas, and others who are disappointed by this decision, but next time, try to be more realistic.

I am not a cougar!

2009-09-13T09:10:00.006-05:00

Since I got these micro-braids put in, I have had many people not recognize me and many people at school mistake me for a student -- even my own students, in my own classroom, while I am standing behind my teacher desk.

The worst mistaken identity occurred Friday night.

Once a season, each varsity sport participant gets to pick a teacher that they like or who has inspired them (or something) who they give their uniform (or t-shirt if they don't have uniforms that would be able to fit a teacher or would be school appropriate, like boys swimmers). We take a large picture with all the teachers and athletes in the morning before school and then the teachers try and make it to the game that day. Last year, since I taught only freshman, I kind of felt left out until one of my kids second semester was a super-star soccer player and she selected me.

This year, I was hoping that after track last season and with me teaching one class that is not freshman, I would get selected at least once.

A football player selected me, which meant I had to make the long trek back to school for some Friday night lights.

I've got the boy's jersey on, my braids in a high-pon, and am chilling in the stands sitting with a couple of other lady teachers to my left.

Throughout the first quarter as I try to focus my attention on the game rather than on the entertaining people watching, I notice that a man in our row down a bit further to the left keeps looking at me.

Second quarter I am noticing the same thing happening with this man. I try and ignore it, though I can feel him steady looking at me and I am beginning to get a little weirded out by it.

The quarter ends and half-time begins.

He scoots closer to us, reaches over the other two women and talks to me while pointing at my jersey.

"You are wearing _____ ______'s jersey aren't you?" I smile politely and agree that I am indeed wearing his jersey.

"Well, he's my son and I'm trying to figure out why he didn't tell me that he had a girlfriend. I thought he told me everything, but I had no idea he was into a girl enough to have her wear his jersey to games."

Complete shock. Thoughts go through my head really quickly.
Are you mad?
Do I really look that young?
Do you not notice that all the adults/teachers are the ones wearing the white jerseys?
Do you really think your son could "score" me?
Should I go off on you for your insinuation?

Fortunately these thoughts are censored and I simply smile to the man and let him know that I am the boy's teacher and explained the process of how I was selected to wear the uniform.

"Oh, that makes sense. That makes me feel a bit better. And now that you mention it, I do remember him saying something about honoring his favorite teacher today." He officially introduces himself and his girlfriend.

Thanks buddy.

Of course the jokes from the other two ladies come out after he scoots back to his spot to continue watching his son play some surprisingly good defense on the field.

On a completely different note, if you haven't heard Keith Olbermann's reaction to Joe Wilson, check it out here. His first few minutes are what I have been meaning to write a blog post about for some time. How people can get so offended by the current president after all that went down with G-dubb is really beyond me.

Micro-Braids, Charlie Murphy, and Rick James

2009-09-08T19:43:00.009-05:00

I got micro-braids on Monday. They don't hurt as bad as I anticipated. They had to make them pretty tiny since my hair is still pretty short - about 2 inches now (finally starting to grow out -- it is amazing how fast it can grow when I stop cutting it down so close to my head for two months). I put the braids in for a change and because it will keep me from cutting it back off. Kind of weird and annoying and nice (yes, all at the same time) having long hair again. I was really feeling the low cut fade -- somehow it made me feel real feminine, especially when I put on some cute clothes and some cute jewelry. Those shown in the pic are just one pair I love from PeaceImages (which I need to get back to -- check it out, she is really good and really creative).

During the 9 hours of sitting waiting for the procedure to finish I got to watch the daily marathon of Law & Order on the television (USA, perhaps) -- can't beat that for making the time fly by.

Today I was standing doing hall duty, taking in all the compliments and shocked looks at my new 'do and suddenly had a moment where I wanted to say "I'm Rick James, Bitch!"

This happens every so often. Just a memory of Charlie Murphy and Dave Chappelle along with some of James' songs.

Which brings me to the wordless portion of this post.

This constantly brings me to laugh out loud -- both segments.

Watch. Enjoy. Laugh.

Oh, to be rich and have new legs

2009-09-05T10:00:00.006-05:00

Not only am I trying to save money to move somewhere greater, now I am also going to save so that I can get some Digilegs. I accidentally flipped the tv to MTV and saw a clip from Rob Dyrdek's show. He was walking with these legs and I was just super enthralled. Oh, to be rich and have money to just throw away on useless, yet fun, toys.

Check out the video of the demo of these legs. If you fast forward a bit, you can see how they look with the "fur" on them. The chick even rocks a skirt while wearing the legs.

I'm sure you are thinking that this would put together for a great Halloween costume (though not for this year with the two month waiting period with the order), but if I spend $1000 on these, they will be more than a costume. They will be my (at least) once a week gear when I teach, what I wear to do work on the outside of the house, my "shoes" when I want to walk around the neighborhood, and my outfit to bring back various concepts from ancient mythology.

You can see the designer and try to order yours here.