Chimps, time-wasters, and comedy

If you are like me, you like to occasional have a good laugh at someone else's expense. You also like to send people funny emails. You also like to sometimes take up precious time with things that are not so precious or that you should be putting off until later -- but why put off what you can do now? If you are like me, you also like primates.

All of these things lead me to the website Monk-e-Mail.

I think either a sister or old friend of mine sent me one of these years ago and a few times a year, I remember the site and send out fun messages to people.

With Monk-e-mail, you can create messages to send to friends (or enemies) where a primate dressed in what ever you like can verbally talk to your friend saying whatever you type in, or you can call in and have the chimp talking in your voice.

Awesome.

I'm off to send a few now.

Not really enjoying the commute

On the way to / from school I like to complete various activities.

• I can focus on what I am about to teach or what I taught and how it went.
• I can try to unwind after a hard day of dealing with class after class of freshmen.
• I can listen to some really interesting stories on NPR during Morning Edition, or The World, or Talk of the Nation. Usually informative, entertaining, or thought provoking.
• I can listen to the Ricky Smiley Morning Show and Gary's Tea in the morning to catch up on some celebrity gossip.
• I can listen to the hilarious prank phone calls sometimes played on the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
• I can try and find music in the morning on radio channels that seem to think that people want to hear talk. Who started that? I am pretty sure it would be more motivating to listen to some good music on the way to a movie rather than some people who think they are funny.
• I can try and see how many people almost hit me because they are talking or texting on their cellular phones.
• I can debate why I get mad at people for driving under the speed limit. I know they should be able to go slower since the number is the maximum speed they should be going, but it is really annoying when people drive below the speed limit.
• I can try different routes to see if they are faster than taking the Parkway home.
• I can daydream of the day when the highway will be opened.

That last one is really on my most days.

Once the highway is finished it will potentially cut off up to 15 minutes from my commute to and from school. I guess, then, I won't be able to do all the enjoyable activities, but I'm sure I will enjoy being able to sleep in a little longer, or being able to get home faster and do whatever it is I choose to do with my personal time.

December 7th cannot come sooner.

Reality tv causes me pain each Tuesday

When I was younger and the Real World was still good and not as predictable and full of young bucks just trying to fornicate and drink until they die, I used to want to be on that show. I thought it would be cool to be on tv and see how I would interact with some people I had never met.

There are a bunch of reasons why I am glad I did not send in the videos to audition for a cast position. First, I would have been THAT black chick -- I'm sure that one of the roomies would have pushed my buttons so far that I would have had to keep it real and then might have gotten the boot. Second, I might have indulged in so much drinking that I would have done something on camera that I would not want to be replayed in marathons of the show for my family, friends and students to see. Third, many of the people on that show (as well as Road Rules) seem to not have lives after the show - they make it through life by being on the challenge shows and doing the reunions and college tours. Seriously guys, life does go on after the Real World -- Kevin Powell is proof of that.

Now that I am older, I would love to go on one of the reality shows where I could win money for doing stuff that I know how to do, or for traveling around the world.

Each Tuesday when the Biggest Loser comes on, I am always eating a huge meal and I always end up eating way more than my stomach can handle.

Last night it was chicken wings, carrots, celery, and french fries.

I ate so much that it really hurt.

I don't know how people can eat this much. Every week I have that thought -- how could I have eaten so much? Why did I just eat so much that my stomach is so tight that it pains me to laugh?

My only answer is that I am subconsciously trying to be on the show. I know that it would take a lot for me to be on that show, but what else could be the reason for me binging so much each Tuesday? I love that the people on the show are getting healthy and learning to eat better and recognize their problems that led them to get to the size that they are. I also hate that people who are healthy do not have a chance to win thousands of dollars for being healthy already.

For my health, I will have to find another show to try and work toward being on.

And hopefully next Tuesday I will not be pigging out in front of the tv.

I like looking good, but not the pain associated with it

Back when I was an athlete I would often work out really hard, but not feel the soreness until two or more days later. It was kind of nice -- hard workout, not feel it until you are ready for another hard day of lifting or workout out in other ways.

I am clearly no longer an athlete. I am completely lazy and am more of a couch potato than any type of competitor.

For a few weeks now, I have been putting off raking the leaves in the front and back of the house. Especially since the trees in the church yard next door is not done shedding their leaves. And part of me thought that I would have them come over and rake the leaves since the trees are theirs. But I guess that wouldn't work out too well.

But, I was tired of having to step through a pond of leaves to get to the car, and since no other homes on the street have trees of any substance, my home was looking like it belonged on some show like Hoarders or Clean House. I really was starting to feel embarrassed to park in front and walk inside the lone house with the messed up yard.

So, Sunday I rushed to rake the leaves before it started to rain.

And of course, when I did the raking, I tried to do see just how fast I could do it -- which led me to the way I am feeling today.

Super sore. I feel like I did a bunch of dead lifts -- my left hamstring is ridiculously tight and paining me. My back and shoulders are sore as well.

Part of me enjoys the feeling of being sore; I finally did something to work out my body. But another part of me really wants to not feel this way again. I know that I should be doing something today to counter this tightness and the soreness, but, like I said, I am lazy. Perhaps after I get off and go home I will be more apt to do something. At least stretching. For awhile I was getting good at doing about 45 minutes of stretching most days of the week due to my back issues, but I have gotten off of that plan and need to get back on it today so that I can ease this pain and hopefully keep the pain from coming in the future as well.

Dear Dairy Products

Dear Dairy Products,

I know that when I was younger I did not fully appreciate you. I know that I mainly used you for eating my multiple bowls of cereal. I know that when I ate elementary lunch, I would sometimes take the excess cheese off the pizza, I would not eat grilled cheese sandwiches, I would not take nachos and cheese, that I never drank you out of the cardboard milk cartons in any flavor, and would look at the students peeling away pieces of string cheese with their dirty hands to place in their mouths with a bit of disgust. I know that I should have tried yogurt more when I was younger and not been revolted by the chunks of fruit sitting at the bottom of the tins.

Dairy, I know that you are good for strong bones and teeth and what not.

Maybe it was because deep down I knew that you were not the food that was meant for me to love eternally. Maybe deep down I knew the pain that you would cause me in the future. I consider myself a really tolerant person, but for some reason, my body does not want to tolerate you.

Now I am older and have come to like you a bit more. I have avoided you for so long that often times it is hard for us to be together without you getting mad at me for the long lapses apart. I understand that. But please, even though we meet together so rarely, can you try not to punish me. Friends should not want to hurt friends as you have been hurting me. I don't know if I will keep coming back to you if you keep attacking my gut so much, if you keep causing me to change my plans, or if you keep making me leave the bathroom only to turn around and have to go right back again, and again, and again.

Perhaps you are mad at me for turning to the soy for my cereal. Or for not regularly cooking with you. Or for turning to non-dairy ice cream -- that was only temporary. I am trying to get back to the regular ice cream, but if I eat portions that are satisfying, you tend to really upset me.

I know that I never really understood why we should be drinking a product from another animal since no other being intentionally does that. But I have come to accept that you are here to stay, that you are in so many foods that it will be hard to avoid you. It is possible to avoid you completely, but then I would not fully enjoy food. And, Dairy, all I want is to be able to enjoy food -- to be able to enjoy some of the products you have to offer that I am interested in consuming -- with out the pain, with out you coming right back out ten minutes later. I don't like to beg, but if it will help the situation, I am not above it.

Dairy Products, please consider us being friends.

Sincerely,
ai

I can read but she can't sing

The CIA World Factbook says that the United States literacy rate is 99% (Other sources say it is at around 86%). After teaching for years, I beg to differ. I have come across so many struggling readers (and I teach high school) that I believe the functional literacy rate is actually lower. But I still believe that there are many people in this country who are literate enough to read basic material.

Which is why, I cannot understand why people at churches seem to be interested in leading the songs in a manner as though they believe their parishioners are illiterate.

I have seen this many times, most recently today at my parents' church. Everyone in the congregation has the handout with the song lyrics. Everyone (or at least the majority) know how to read.

The lyrics are written in the order we will sing them. The chorus is even retyped at the end of each verse.

Yet, after each verse, the lady leading the singing says the first lines of the next verse right before the people in the audience are to sing them.

Why?

Her saying the first 5 words of the next verse does not suddenly help us know where we are on the paper -- we are already there.

We can read.

We all have the paper in front of us.

It is so annoying. Almost as annoying as the tone-deaf woman who sat in front of me who also seems to be volume-deaf as she sings so loud that the horrible sound of her voice is actually quite distracting and is not a joyful noise being lifted to any god.

Fatpita can take up a lot of time

Saw these while wasting time on the site fatpita and couldn't stop chuckling:

Eating food in order to save money

I have been working about a month now to really eat everything in my house. There are so many times in the past when I would say there is nothing to eat and there was really something there that could be eaten. I have now cleared out even my stash of Ramen noodles. I have finished every Chinese take-out red pepper container. I have eaten every last thing of string cheese. I have even finished off all of my vitamins.

Now I will start fresh on food.

I am going to work on buying things that I really need and that I will really actually eat. I don't want my house to be a food pantry, and I don't want to waste money on food that I am not going to eat before the expiration date.

We'll see how this works out.

Don't questions deserve (at least) a chance for an answer?

When did “What’s up?’ and “How are you?” become greetings rather than a questions?

When I see people in the hallways or as I pass on the street I no longer ask them how they doing. I stopped doing that a few years ago because when people asked me the same question, they would not stop to hear my answer, and when I asked them, sometimes their response was just to repeat the question back to me.

I am not trying to be impolite when I don’t ask how you are doing, I just like for that kind of interaction to be an actual interaction with a person. I like when someone cares enough to actually listen to my response rather than just keep walking by me when they ask me a question.

With the people that I am real cool with, or people who look like they need to get something off of their chests, I will take the time to ask them how they are doing. And if I am walking in the hall, I stop walking, turn and wait for them to tell me what’s up. I actually stop doing what I was doing, I actually look at them when they reply, I actually listen, I actually act like I care that I just asked a question that warrants a response.

Let those who are lost stay lost

As I watch reruns of Lost and prepare myself for the insane addiction that is that show and all it doesn't explain to its viewers, I came across this advertisement someone posted.

Cracks me up.Can't wait to be even more confused when the new season starts.

And I hope the person who put this out posts whatever s/he finds out about the show to help all the others who are equally as confused.

The soundtrack in my head is struggling to survive this

Somehow the time of the year for the Key Club to raise money came earlier this year than last year. But again, they are doing the annoying song before school, between classes, and after school each day until they raise $800. Unlike last year when they played some Hanson Brothers' song, this year it is Myle Cyrus or Hannah Montanah or whichever name the teen goes by.

Hoedown Throwdown.

The song is super annoying. Some kind of mixture between country music, rap, and a combo of all those electric slide/chacha slide/cupid shuffle types of songs.

So far not too many people are disturbed by it, but I am beginning to lose my ability to smile between classes. Rather than my usual greeting at the door of the students entering my room and hellos to the students passing by on their way to class, I have almost a grimace pasted to my face.

I probably look like I am in pain because it is really difficult for me to focus on another song in my mind that is more pleasant as that one is blasting through every speaker in the school building.

I don't know which is worse, the song, kids walking by singing along, or the students who stop in the hallway and start to do the Hoedown Throwdown dance.

Actually, I do know. The worst thing is that even as I type this, the song is emanating through my brain to the point where after I write each sentence and take a break for any moment of time, little lyrics are being rehashed.

Fortunately I only know the chorus so I can't sing the whole song.

Unfortunately, I only know the chorus so I can only keep repeating "do the hoe-down throw-down, do the hoe-down, throw-down," something about popping and locking it and polka-dotting it, and that being how we roll over and over and over and over each time there is a moment of not much thought in my brain.

I must keep thinking.

And I must make sure that the soundtrack in my head defeats the speakers in the school.

Hairdressing is my next calling

Ever since I was small, when I went to the stylist and asked for a trim the person would inevitably cut at least two inches from my hair.

Perhaps I was incorrect in assuming that a trim would not be the same as a cut. I know that my ends were not bad most of the time, I got regular cuts so they were never split. Most times I wanted a trim just to even it out since hairs grow at different paces.

With my mini-fro, I have the same issue with hairs being different lengths. The braid lady trimming the sides of the braid didn't help the hairs much at all.

So... last night I decided to go over the hair with the 8 guard again to make it even.

Little did I know that I have hair dresser skills and can trim excessive amounts of hair despite the desire of the client -- in this case, me.

The initial trim leads to some hairs not looking even, which leads to me cutting just a bit more, which leads to me seeing things in my hair/head that I don't like, which leads to me cutting more, which leads to it not being even, which leads to me cutting even more.

I am now no longer 2" or more.

I am now a little over a centimeter in length.

Which is fine. I will still keep growing it.

Though I am now almost tempted to go lower -- it just looks so good short, and it is super easy now. I don't even need a comb anymore. I am back to ab brush and to not needing extra time to untangle the coils.

Loving my mini-fro

I am still loving my hair. I took the braids out (rather found a lady who took them out in 20 minutes for $30 - much better than the over half a day it took last time I had microbraids). Dealt with all the questions from students and teachers about why I took them down after only a month and a half.

Now I'm back to the mini-afro. Stretched out, the hair is about 2 inches, in the natural fro it looks about an inch long. Now dealing with getting used to having to comb it regularly, especially after sitting against something to pick it back to its beautiful roundness.

I bought some scarves and am playing around with rocking them. All in all, I am enjoying this length. Never imagined that I would since it is so in-between and since I really liked the ease of being bald.

I may put some braids in again one day, but for now, I am enjoying being able to really get in and feel my scalp all the time - washing, playing with the coils, etc.

The only issue I am dealing with now is that I have some hairs that are super-tightly coiled, some that are wavy, some that are completely straight. Not sure what that is all about, and not sure how to deal with it other than to use the clippers and trim my fro. I am using an 8 guard on the clippers and that is the longest I have for my clippers.

For the next trim I may have to go in and see some one. Which in itself is a bit frightening.

Last time I went somewhere to get my hair done it was to get a weave put in before the big chop. (I looked so crazy that even though the process took 6 hours, I took the 'do down about an hour after getting home.) Before that, the last time I had someone do my hair was when I was in college and went and saw the white dude in Brady to put some layers in my hair -- turned out to be one of the best hair cuts I ever had -- loved it. Before Brady-man, the last hair stylist in my hair was probably for my senior prom where the stylist gave me some slightly crispy, too-much-gel-in-it hair.

I may try to put some braids or twists in the front and let the mini-fro go in the back, or see if I can get someone to do some little two strands that I can take out and have a twist-out.

For such short hair, there are so many options.

Goal is to go until May without cutting it -- that will be a year. I would love to be able to rock a long poof in the back of my head, or a nice afro-twist-out. Or even to twist some bantu knots back like I used to before the natural hair; I'm sure they will hold better and look cool with my kinkier hair.

If it doesn't work out after that, I may go back to the bald look.

At least I know I look good with no hair. And it was super easy.

Squirrels, trees, churches, and finally, sleep

Since spring, I have suffered through my Saturday and Sunday mornings listening to squirrels climb the tree in the front of the house and then scramble across the roof toward the back yard where they jump onto the electrical wire and go about their business.

So much for sleeping in.

The tree is not actually in my yard, so I have been calling the church next door bi-monthly to ask them to cut it down or at least trim it so that the branches are not scraping against the house when the wind blows and so that creatures can't crawl up to the roof.

This morning as I tried to sleep in, I was awakened by a little bit more pleasant sound than the nail scrapes of dirty, nasty squirrels.

Today I heard the sound of a power saw. I rushed to the window and saw that a man was finally cutting down some of the branches.

I haven't been outside to fully see the results, but know (based on the noise) that at least a few of the branches that were leaning on the roof are now trimmed shorter.

May I now rest in peace.

Bad moods can make me a genius???

Clearly science is on my side.

Researchers down under have found that, "bad moods can actually be good for you, with an Australian study finding that being sad make people less gullible, improves their ability to judge others and also boosts memory."

People who may be more sad are better and sifting through bullshit and with dealing with demanding situations.

More power to me when life gets me down.

People in a bad mood were also less likely to make snap decisions based on racial or religious prejudices, and they were less likely to make mistakes when asked to recall an event that they witnessed.

The study also found that sad people were better at stating their case through written arguments, which Forgas said showed that a "mildly negative mood may actually promote a more concrete, accommodative and ultimately more successful communication style."

"Positive mood is not universally desirable: people in negative mood are less prone to judgmental errors, are more resistant to eyewitness distortions and are better at producing high-quality, effective persuasive messages," Forgas wrote.

I don't really suffer from menstrual moods, but if any of you women do, rest assured that those could be the smartest times of your month.

Coming from where I'm from

After writing my post from yesterday, I have decided to change the way that I identify where I am from.

I am no longer from St. Louis, Missouri, Midwest, USA.

From now on I am simply from North America.

53 countries in Africa... why can't you specify which you refer to

I found an article yesterday titled "Giant Crack in Africa Will Create a New Ocean".

I don't believe I have ever read about any event/activity in any parts of Europe where they generalize the whole continent. Or Asia. Or even South America. Even when people go to Antarctica they use the different coordinates to designate which part of that ice island they are occupying.

There are 53 countries in Africa.

Is it that hard to say that the crack is in Ethiopia?

The mainland US could fit inside the continent about four times. The continent is about 30.2 million square km (11.7 millioin square miles). The entire United States is 9.83 million square kilometers (3.79 million square miles) so including Alaska and Hawaii could fit in the continent three times.

Even the countries that look small on the distorted maps that people typically use are larger than several states that are here in the US.

I have had people in my parents' church go to numerous places in the world to proselytize and each time before they go, they stand in front of the church and tell the specific cities and the countries where they will be going.

Except when they go to the Motherland.

Then they are just going to Africa.

No nations specified.

Just Africa.

This is why I introduced an African Studies class at my last school and why I am in the process of trying to get one started at my current school.

There is more than just the opportunity for a safari. There are people there who do not have AIDS. There are places where food is plentiful. There are places where the people are dark in skin tone and places where people are Mediterranean looking. There are places where people live in homes larger than anything I have encountered here in the States. There are people who are very well educated. There are not lions everywhere, nor are there monkeys on every corner balancing on elephants. There are people with fancier cell phones than I have seen here.

I almost understand Europeans old-school ignorance when they thought it was a "dark continent" because they had not explored it, but times have changed. People have seen the vast wonders of the land. We are no longer in the age of Livingstone.

Africa is a continent. Not a country.