A week of telling it like it is

This past week, was great at school.

Rather than teaching traditional classes leading up to the winter break, each teacher had the opportunity to teach about anything we wanted for the entire week.  We had 14 (up to 28 if you paired with another teacher) students in our class the entire day and were able to take field trips and have guest speakers come in.  Students were placed into one of their top five choices.

Some of the options available were street art, architecture, hand-bag making, hero's journey, improvisational acting, psychology, mosaics, French lessons, my life as a museum, newspaper, dance, and insanity fitness class.

I chose to do spoken word poetry with a teaching partner - we called it "Tell it like it is!".

It was great.  We were able to show various spoken word poets from a range of topics, from a range of people with a range of ages.  We taught them about rhyme, rhythm, repetition, and lists.  We discussed misogyny and how it connects to young women and men's identity in this time period of violent, sexist hip hop.  We were able to go to the Tribeca Film Institute and view a film on this topic on Tuesday.

We regularly gave them prompts and had them grow those prompts into poems.  Another field trip was to Washington Square Park to people watch and grow what they saw into stories that could become poems.

We practiced presentation and the art of spoken word.  We demonstrated the difference between a poem and a performance piece; the students practiced and practiced and became better and better with their performances.

Our group culminated with 30-minutes of spoken word performances and a 65-page anthology of their work in the categories of identity, friendship, love, the real word, and freestyle.

Their work was great!  Their performances were great!

Some of them were really deep, some of them were comical, some of them were heartfelt.

It was a really rewarding week - though I don't think I would stretch it to more than a week.  And, I feel even more for teachers of elementary school who have the same students all day long.  Though we didn't get breaks for art, PE, music, or anything else; it was us and the kids.  All. Day. Long.

But, me and my teaching partner want to do it again next year.  I suggested a school-wide poetry slam later in the school year, and we are going to try and make that happen, too.

I have been loving this week and it was on my mind, so I didn't go off of the prompt about Christmas shopping - I don't buy gifts for anyone anymore - I like to get people things throughout the year instead of on a designated day.  This was my 5-minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post.

You can link up with Jana's Thinking Place and see other posts or share your five-minute brain dump of free writing with no editing (though I took time to link up to earlier posts on this topic from this week and add the picture).

I don't want my mama, I want my Netty pot

Sunday Stream of Consciousness post.  Semi-prompt: When you're sick, even as an adult, do you still long for your mama?



When I am truly sick, I long for nothing more than medicine that puts me to sleep, some sort of tissue right by my bedside, a Netty pot, and an awesome blanket.

I don't want to be bothered by any other person, though it is nice to have someone remind me/force me to eat, drink, and see daylight.

But, I really long to be alone when I am sick.  I guess it is the part of me that doesn't want others to see me so vulnerable.

This is my shortest post for Jana's Sunday - about 2 minutes.  I guess it was welcome to think about this for a few minutes to take my mind off of other things going on in life and in society.

You can read others' posts and post your own five-minute brain-dump on Sundays by going to Jana's Thinking Place.

HS super mini reunion

It's amazing how fast time flies and how much, yet how little can change in that time.

I graduated high school over a decade ago.

There are some people that have found out I am now in NYC and wanted to meet up with me.

Some of them, I have not seen since high school.

I met up with two classmates tonight for dinner and chatting, and it was really good.

We talked, caught up a bit, played with one of their children, and were just normal adults with a long ago past together.

I don't even recall if we were talked much in high school.  I know we weren't enemies, but we weren't that close.

It's great that we can still meet up.  One of the classmates and I are going to try to put together a reunion of sorts for the various classmates that are in NYC - apparently there are many.  We are shooting to get at least 15 or so together.

This was a quick end of the day stream of consciousness for Sunday.

You can see more on Jana's site.  Write your own today or some Sunday in the future and link up on her site.  It's just five minutes of whatever is on your mind.

This is going to be a rough war

Today's Sunday Stream of Consciousness prompt is Roughing it.

Yesterday in the mail, I received a notice from a collection agency.

First time in my life.

The move here to NYC was an abrupt one that only left me with 3 weeks in StL to gather things, finish things, and say goodbye to that sort of life.

From the first day I knew I was going to be moving, I started talking with the landlord of the apartment complex where I stayed.  I loved and still love that apartment and hoped that if I had to go back to live in that city, I would be welcome there.  I have never lived in such a clean, friendly, bright neighborhood.

I kept asking them what I needed to do before the move.  Even asked them if I needed to pay September rent since it was going to be in the middle of August when I left (I was trying to be helpful so they would want me back if necessary).

After 4 visits to the office, 5 phone calls, and a letter that I wrote to them, they kept giving me the same answer: We don't know what the protocol is for such an abrupt departure after you have lived in the complex less than 6 months. They mentioned that they would have to talk with their corporate people to find out.

They never got back to me.

I assumed things were good and I was free and clear.

Until yesterday.

Things are now rough.

It is not the apt complex telling me I owe money, it is a collection agency.  That is some big ish to me.  They say I owe over a thousand dollars.  The rent was not that high, and it is not two months rent, nor is it a month plus deposit.  I'm hella confused and super angry.

I need to make some phone calls tomorrow and I hope that I am more calm when I talk to them.  I couldn't even sleep last night imagining how the conversation is going to go.

I don't want this to get too rough, but I am ready to do what I need to get them off of me.

When I signed the lease, I gave them my phone number, email, my parent's information, and did the same in my letter that I was going to be moving.

They had ample information to get at me if they wanted some of my money.  At that point, I still had extra money in my savings that I would have happily given them.

The collection notice was sent to the former apartment - meaning they must still think I live there and am not paying rent?  That doesn't even make any sense.

This is now a war, and I intend to win.

You can see more 5 minute posts (mine went 3 minutes over with the linking and such) by going to Jana's Thinking Place.

Look, I'm complaining

This year, I have been trying not to complain, and because of that, almost didn't follow Jana's prompt today, but I am complaining anyway.

Today's prompt for Stream of Consciousness Sunday was "I'm annoyed by..."

Today what has annoyed me:

• The woman on the bus from the airport who did not move her items from the chair next to her even as the bus became standing room only and elderly people got on the bus.  She just sat with her sunglasses and, each time someone new got on the bus, or moved closer, or was trying to look at her, she pulled something out of one of her bags and appeared to try not to make eye contact.  I wanted to tell her off and waited for a oncoming rider to tell her off or at least ask to sit in the seat.  Instead it was just a peaceful ride.
• I still need to do some planning for school tomorrow.  I kind of know what I'm doing, but I kind of don't.  I don't want to open my planner to see what I have planned.  The day is over half over and I don't know if I will have energy to do it later, but I don't feel like doing it now.
• I don't have food in the house.  I am trying to eat better, and not eat out/deliver as much.  Hard to do when there is no substantial food in the house and I don't have the energy or desire to go to the grocery store.
• The creaky floors in this apartment really bug.  I have never heard anything this loud.  If I am walking, I cannot have a conversation with the boo.  If one of us is saying something, the other person cannot be moving on the wood floor.  I need to get some kind of runners, or area rugs to see if that will damper the sound a bit.

Sunday Stream of Consciousness.



Five minutes of writing whatever is on your mind (or whatever addresses the prompt).

See more and link up your brain dump on Jana's Thinking Place.

Comparing dancing, peanut butter cups, and boots

I find that I compare myself to no one at times, and almost everyone in other situations.

I started a Doonya Bollywood fitness class and am comparing myself to the other participants.  I know that I have only had three classes and some of them have been doing it for years, but I compare how well they know the dances and hate when I mess up and no one else appears to mess up.  I compare that I feel like I have stronger stamina and strength in my legs since I can sometimes lift them higher for longer than the others.

Some days, I am perfectly content with my items of clothing.  Other days, I compare them.  I just bought a white down coat and am now comparing other people with white coats to each other to see which ones are unclean looking and hoping that mine does not get that way.  I compare the boots others wear to mine.

This morning I went to the grocery store and found myself comparing what others had in their carts and baskets to what was in mine.  I was not buying much, and everything in my cart was healthy, and I almost felt superior for a moment.  I looked at a large container of peanut butter cups, picked it up to read it, then decided that I couldn't add that junk food to my healthy cart, because that wouldn't look right.

I am not always like this.  I don't know if it is the weekend, or if it is this new city, or what.

I do know that I do more people watching in NYC than I have ever been able to do.

Perhaps that makes me more aware that others may be watching me and comparing themselves to me, as well.

When I used to run back in StL in the parks or on the streets, I would compare my gait to others'.  Part of that was the coach in me wanting to help others run more efficiently, but part of it was hoping that they saw me as someone who ran well - that they would compare themselves to me.  I know that this summer when I ran, I still had good form, but couldn't run as far or as fast as I used to.  That made me somewhat self-conscious about my running, thinking others would be laughing at me in their heads as they saw me running.

I do seem to notice that I compare myself to others that I do not know more than people that I actually have relationships or am around a lot.  I don't compare myself to my coworkers because I know that I do what I have to do in the classroom - what is best for me and my students.  I don't compare myself to my siblings because we are each at different points in our lives.  (I admit that I did for awhile, but, I have come to understand that our lives are different.  Same with where I am compared to where my parents were when they were my age.)

Are any of you more apt to compare yourself with strangers than with known people?

Stream of Conscious Sunday post linked up with Jana's Thinking Place.  Five minutes of free writing on the topic Comparisons/Competitions.  You can link up, or read others' posts on her site.  It is a great way to release some thoughts from your head.  I hadn't even really thought about all the ways I compare and compete with others until this post... and some of the things just happened no more than an hour ago.

I've been trained too well

I have almost no winter clothes in NYC.  I have two cardigan sweaters with a low cut front and two thin scarves.  Two long-sleeved shirts that are so thin that I don't even know why they were made long-sleeved.  The rest are four plain colored short-sleeved t's that I've been wearing under the cardigans, jeans, and two camisole-type tops that I can also wear under the cardigans.

The temperature has been in the forties the past few days.

I knew this was coming, so I have been perusing stores for at least a higher collared sweater to wear and a couple long-sleeved shirts.

Unfortunately, I have trained myself too well.

When I did the Six Items or Less almost two years ago, I decided to minimize my clothing.  I also started to shop smarter - if the item was not something I could wear in several ways or wear multiple times in a week and not have people really notice and not something fairly durable, I did not buy it.

The problem with this is that most of the clothes I see in stores and online are not items that fit these criteria.

I have been back to some of the same stores several times to double-check items, to look for new items, to see if they could work with my wardrobe.

But, I have still bought nothing new.

The weather is getting cold enough now that I a may need more than my deep v-cardigans and a scarf to cover my chest.

But, I can't seem to find clothes that I like and that will work.

My goal is to make it until Thanksgiving and see what winter clothes I left in St. Louis.  I honestly cannot remember if I kept a lot or if, in the haste of moving, I gave a lot away.  The only things I can remember holding on to are a pair of gloves, a pair of argyle tights, a pair of leg warmers, and my favorite (way too big) college track hooded sweatshirt.

Here's to hoping for continued warm weather and good, warm clothes in the bin when I get to the parents' house in a few weeks.  If not those, then, hopefully, some better clothes options in stores.

This was my five-minute stream of consciousness post for this Sunday.



Today, there was no prompt and I just let out whatever was in my head for five minutes.  You can join by going to Jana's Thinking Place.  While there, you can post your own thoughts, or read the thoughts of others who have linked up.

I need to learn more

Despite being almost an old dog, there are many things that I want to learn or learn to do better.

Here is a short, five-minute list of some of the things:

• accepting help from people who offer it and being able to ask for it when I am swamped and could use it;
• learning another language;
• being able to just say no when someone wants to 'trim' my hair;
• being able to show my love and appreciation for people who are in my life in ways that are understood by them;
• minority history in the US;
• make my own clothes.

In the past few years, I have gotten better at a few things:

• being able to do what is right for me/what I want rather than what pleases others (aren't I too old to be trying to please my parents?);
• being able to minimize my clothes to what works for me and my life;
• having courage to move to a new place even when things were not quite organized and I did not have a job ready;
• finding ways to do my hair that work for me - and being willing (for three years) to go bald (oh, how I loved that look, but wanting to grow a major afro is my next goal, but these 'trims' are keeping it from getting long and make me want to shave it again);
• having easy, quick meals that I can cook on work days and still have time to chill with the boo;
• I have become quite handy after living in a raggedy house for years and now can put together many thing and fix almost any items (non-electrical) in the place.

These lists were prompted by Jana's Sunday Stream of Consciousness post.  The prompt was, "What new tricks would you like to learn or have you learned?" 

You can see more posts, or link up your own five-minute brain dump on her site, Jana's Thinking Place.

Oats, sweats, and arms

In an effort to not buy a box of cereal and eat the whole thing in two-three sittings, I started eating oatmeal for breakfast and continued that for about 2 and a half years - only stopped after I moved to NYC and didn't have a kitchen suitable to cooking.  Now that I have counter space and it is clean(er - almost to my standards) I may go back to the oatmeal mixed with granola breakfast.

That is one of the things that make me feel cozy in the mornings - even in the warm summer months.

Another thing is my college track and field sweatshirt.  I love it and need to bring it back from StL when if I can get back there for Thanksgiving.  When I told the track crew my size, I was still in my oversized clothing phase, so, despite my growth since those years, it is still huge on me.  I must have really looked crazy when I was in school, much smaller and swimming in that sweatshirt.

Coziness is also the feeling of being in my BFs arms.  It just feels right and safe - even though I know that there is so much craziness going on around me.

This is my Sunday Stream of Consciousness with Jana's prompt, "What makes you feel cozy and safe?"  You can see others' posts and join in at her site, Jana's Thinking Place.

What I am is what I am

I am still getting used to actually saying I live in NYC.  At least twice a week, I think to myself, "I really live here (either with a question mark or an exclamation, depending on what is occurring).

I am a teacher.  I love teaching people of all ages about things of all topics.

I am a friend.  But, I am really not good at keeping in regular contact with people.  Before I moved to NYC, my mother and father (in StL) reminded me that I rarely visited or called them while I lived only 15 minutes away - they told me that I had to keep in touch more regularly after I moved hundreds of miles away.  I don't like that I do it, but I am always there for people and it is always as though no time has passed.

I am a former athlete who is really struggling with the new body I have.  I don't mind having curves, but am really struggling with the lessening of muscle and the addition of fat to places I never knew it could be.  It's been over a decade since I was competitive, but for a long time after, I still had a great body.  I guess since hitting 30, my body has rejected its former self.  I know I should accept it, but I don't want to.

I am becoming more open and opinionated as I get older.  And I don't really care to hold back my thoughts all the time as I used to when I was younger.

I am a people watcher.  And this is the perfect city for me to do it - though I have to be more secretive about it on the subways... can't gaze at people for too long.

This was hard, this was my Stream of Consciousness Sunday post.  Today's prompt, "I am _____."  You can link up or read other's I Am statements by visiting Jana's Thinking Place each Sunday..  You can write on this prompt.  You can write on any other topic.  It is five minutes of free writing.

It is usually pretty cathartic.

The stuff dreams are made of

I've started having the school dreams.  In the past, it has been just a few days before the start of school.  This time around it is over a week before school starts (Thursday after Labor Day).

Each time, the dreams are full of all the things I need to do and all of the teachers I have met so far.

I am excited to be starting at a new school in a new state and am glad the content is somewhat similar to some courses I have taught before.

I am also very thankful for this summer.  Not only because I made this move toward the end of the summer, but because it was, literally, the longest summer break I have ever had.  My St. Louis school ended before Memorial Day in May and I don't start here until this coming week.  It is the first time I have had a full three month break to rejuvenate.

I do feel somewhat more refreshed than I ever have in all my years of teaching, but now I have a lot to do to get ready for the new year at the new school - mapping out the curriculum for the year and posting it outside the room, creating a syllabus for each class, learning the textbook, figuring out how to use the grading system, figuring out the new email, making sure I am truly cleared to teach.  Things that I normally would have been able to do throughout the summer or even before the summer began.

I also have supplies to buy (and figure out if the school has some supplies or if I have to buy them myself).  I also have a room to decorate (a lot of the other rooms I have seen so far are super decorated - I guess in part because it is a 6-10 school and in part because they are creative).  I am not a fuzzy, glittery decorator, but I feel like I at least need to put up a sign with my name and saying welcome, or something in addition to the few posters I was able to take from the old school.

This is just a snippet of the things on my mind as I free-write for this Stream of Consciousness Sunday. You can join in or read others' posts at Jana's Thinking Place.  Just write for five minutes on the prompt she has given, or on any other topic that you just want to let out of your system.

Beginning to sacrifice

I'm beginning to get rid of things in my apartment.  I delivered the first pieces of furniture to Kid Sis #3 for her to sell yesterday.  I have sorted out more clothes, shoes, and old wallets to give away.  I have begun to sort items into piles for the boxes they will go into for my move from StL to NYC (which hopefully is completed by the end of this week).

I am getting ready to begin a new phase of my life.

I know I will begin some things that could be great, but I am also beginning to realize the things I will be sacrificing.

I will be giving up the standard of living that I have been accustomed to for basically my whole life: grass, yards, a car, having a large living area with washer and dryer in the unit, a well kept apartment (inside and out), knowing at least a little bit of what to expect from a job, paying a reasonable amount of money for an apartment rather than exorbitant prices, easily accessible (by car) grocery stores with really good, fresh food.

It is a lot to give up, but hopefully there will be benefits gained.  If not right away, perhaps once I get settled and used to the areas of NYC and the way various aspects of the city works.

This is just a little bit of my five minutes of thoughts on today's prompt from Jana's Thinking Place (host of Stream of Consciousness Sunday): Beginnings.



You can join in Stream of Consciousness Sunday by clicking the link or the badge and linking up, or you can just go to the site and read what others are writing on the topic (or whatever else they wrote about).

Olympic dreams deferred

When I was in high school, I always imagined that I would make it to the Olympics as a sprinter in track and field.  I even received the honour of Most Likely to Go to the Olympics with the senior superlatives.

In college, I started realizing that I was high-school-talented, but not really as fast as some of those girls from Texas who seemed as though they were breed to run fast.

Around that time, I started coaching summer track.  We had some really good athletes on our team.  I then changed my goal.  I knew I was not going to participate as an athlete, but maybe I could coach an athlete to the Games and attend them for free that way.

That didn't work out, especially as I am not tired of coaching and don't know when I will do it again.

So, now, to get to the Olympics, I will need to be one of the people who holds the baskets for the track athletes at the starting line or I will have to somehow become a great dancer and be part of the opening ceremonies.  Or I can figure out who to talk to to make sure I win the new Visa prize of Olympic tickets for the rest of your life.

This is my five-minute stream of consciousness post.  I just free wrote on the prompt for five minutes and am linking up with Jana's Thinking Place.  Jana's prompt today was: If you could compete in any Olympic sport or participate in the Games in any way, what would you want to do?  Did you ever have Olympic goals personally?

Check out the site to see others' posts and to link your own post if you feel so inclined.

Reassurance after anticipation

I bought the ticket on Saturday and was in NYC on Sunday.  There wasn't even time for anticipation.  Just getting ready to see my sister and to see the city.

There was a peace that took over me as we flew the tiny plane over lower Manhattan and I saw landmarks I recognized from real life and from movies.

There were some jitters as I got off the plane and tried to remember which bus I had to take and where to get the Metro ticket.  Fortunately, my boo had given me really good directions before leaving and a quick call to him reassured me that I knew what I was doing.

I made it to her house.

I have wandered the city for a week, mostly on my own.  I have not gotten lost.  I went to Harlem, Brooklyn, New Jersey, and am now in DC.  When I go back to NYC, I even plan on visiting Chinatown with all of their non-English signs.

It has been fun and I anticipate that I will have fun while here in DC hanging with Big Bro and his girlfriend.

I don't really want to do the touristy things, but I feel that since I am a teacher of history, I should at least do a walk-by of some of the historical landmarks and buildings in the Mall area.

This was my Stream of Consciousness Sunday post hosted by Jana A at Jana's Thinking Place. Today's prompt was anticipation.

And my anticipation for this trip has settled and has turned to reassurance that I can do a lot of things.



You can join in by free-writing for five minutes on the prompt, or on whatever you have on your mind. This is a great brain-dump exercise.  You can link your post to Jana's page, or just go to her page to read what others wrote.

Summer is tasty plastic tubes

Summer always reminds me of freeze pops.  I have such strong memories of eating entire 100-pack boxes of them over the course of two to three days with my siblings and our childhood homies.

We would eat pop after pop.  So much so that we would start throwing the wrappers away in different containers or put them directly into the outside trashcan so that our mother would not realize we had eaten so many of them.  (Looking back, she must have known when Saturday came and she was buying another box or two of 100.)

Summer is still memories of eating those freeze pops and driving all around town laughing and having fun.

Every time I see those in a store or see a forgotten wrapper on the ground it makes me smile.

How flavored water in skinny, flimsy plastic tubes could be so delicious and addictive, I will never quite understand.  But, I still love them.

Stream of Consciousness Sunday hosted by Jana A at Jana's Thinking Place.  Today's prompt: What does summer smell or taste like to you?  And why?  You can take part - write for five minutes, link up to Jana's site, read others' posts, and share your own post.

Pleasing others vs living my life

I have always liked making people happy - having people like me.

My parents are not excluded from this desire of mine.  Unfortunately, the desire to please them has led me to suffer a bit.

Four years ago, they called me up and told me that they had a rehabbed house that they were trying to sell that they would like me to live in until it was sold.  I jumped at the idea to live in a brand new house.  I also assumed (wrongly) that there would be no rent involved - that I would live there for free until they could sell the house.

The house looked nice on the first floor.  The basement was another story that I would grow to hate.  It looked like they had used the old foundation and built a new house on it.  The foundation was so bad that at some places on the floor, you could see the ground - dirt.

A few months after living in the house, the basement started to flood with every rain.  I had to pay to get a new sump pump and to have drains put into the perimeter of the entire basement.  I had to replace the washing machine that I had purchased.

Then the mold started to form on the basement walls.  Water seemed to be seeping in from the walls.  I tried to get rid of that.

Then there were the issues of the R.O.U.Ss that I feared scrounging throughout the yard.  There was grass cutting, tending the thorny rose bushes that my father had planted in the front.  There were silverfish that were likely coming in through the (literally) unfinished basement.  There was me having to have a separate pair of shoes to wear into the basement so I wouldn't carry the dust and dirt throughout the rest of the house.

There were four years of hating where I lived all so I could help the parents out.

Then finally the market was getting better.  At the start of this year, I finally decided that I had to make myself happy.  I also had to look out for my safety.  That house was not on solid ground and there was what looked like a sink hole gradually growing in the front yard.

I decided to move.  I told my parents.  They were not upset.

They were not even a little upset.  Why had I thought they would be super disappointed?

I started looking for a place.

At the end of March, they found someone to buy the house.

By the end of April, I was in a new place.  A place where I can walk and not hear the weak floor creaking; where I can jump and not worry that the floor will collapse me into the basement; where I can breathe clean, non moldy air; where I don't have to prick my fingers with thorn bushes; where I won't have to shovel snow.

Where I am at peace and not feeling challenged by my desire to please the parents and my growing desire to live my own life.

Sunday Stream of Consciousness is now hosted by Jana A. over at Jana's Thinking Place.  Thanks to her for picking this up.  I love using this for a brain dump and to just write some different things.

Today's prompt: Write about a time that you were challenged.

You can join in, here are the rules...

• Set a timer and write for five minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don't edit the post.  No proofreading or spellchecking.  This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere.  Anywhere.  The back door to your blog if you want.  But make it accessible. 
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post on the host site.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Life's jolts

I've done it a few times.  Not completely, but a little bit.

When I went off to college, I got to be different - an individual separated from my siblings and from the impressions I left in hs.  When I moved into an apartment outside of the dorms it was a new reinvention.  When I started teaching in Columbia I was a totally different person than I had been before.  I had friends like I had never had before and did things (in my after school life) that I had never imagined doing and it was all a blast.  When I started teaching in Saint Louis it was a small change.  I had new colleagues that were great.  I had a boyfriend that helped me grow and see and do things differently.  Eventually, I cut off all of my long, straight hair and went natural and short.  When I moved to another district I made more changes.  I started using my first name on official papers.  I dressed more professionally everyday to work.  People had never known me with long hair and I went even shorter - completely shaven.  I moved to a different division of the school and it was even more of a chance for me to be seen differently.  I have reinvented myself in small ways with my family and friends.

These are just a few of the times I have reinvented myself.

I think that reinvention comes in different forms.  The obvious are related to appearance.  Some others are related to a change in mindset.  For me a change in mindset comes from a change of scenery, from a change in perspective, from a change in life associates, from the different jolts life gives me.

Honestly, I feel like I am overdo for a major jolt in my life - a new reinvention.

This was the last Stream of Consciousness Sunday that Fadra is hosting.  I thank her for this and am glad I found it during my quest to find topics to write each day.  I think that the freedom to just write on Sunday has been a great release and has really made me think about different things in my life.  Most of the time, I have written based on her prompts which are often thought provoking.

I think I will continue to do this sort of writing to help me just do brain dumps on Sundays.

You can see the link up on Fadra's site to read more of people's five minute stream of consciousness musings.  Today's writing prompt: What does it mean to reinvent yourself?

I love to tell the story

I met him through a mutual friend.  The first time we met I was kind of interested in the mutual friend.  They had been good friends since high school.  We hung all hung out, drank, and went on the roof of His apartment before all falling asleep on the floor.

A few weeks later I was talking to the mutual friend on the phone while mutual friend was at His house.  Mutual friend was getting tired, so he put Him on the phone.  We talked for over an hour about all sorts of things about ourselves and our lives and what we wanted in life.  I remember how smart he was and how much he knew about so many things.

I just remember thinking what a great person He was and how I hoped we could hang out again; how I thought we could be really good friends.

I didn't see Him again after that.

He moved to a different state.  But, once a couple years later, mutual friend was talking with Him on the phone and I got to tell mutual friend to tell Him that I said hi.  That was it.

Seven years after our first meeting, mutual friend asked me to baby sit his son.  I did without question, because that's what you do for friends.  When he returned, mutual friend walked in the door and He was  right behind him.  He had picked Him up from the train station.

It was amazing to see Him again.  We chatted a bit.  I was surprised that He remembered me.

For the next few evenings and nights we hung out at mutual friends house together.  I remember ordering Thai food and Him feeding it to me with his chop sticks.  I remember not ever feeling tired during that my first week of my first year of teaching even though I was up past two most days hanging out with them.

A week in, I called up mutual friend if he would mind if I pursued Him for a relationship.  He said it would be fine.

I invited Him over to my house to watch a movie.  We talked all night until I was literally falling asleep in the middle of our conversations.  That was the start of our relationship.

Seven plus years later, we are still together.  Still loving each other and still able to talk for hours on end about even the most random topics.  Still able to make each other laugh.  Still able to finish thoughts about the most random things and then be amazed that the other knew the random thing that was being thought up.

This was a truly delightful Stream of Consciousness Sunday post.  I really do love the story of how we met.  Liked each other.  Didn't see each other for seven years, and were able to meet again by chance.  I hope that we can truly live happily ever after.

You can join Fadra's SOC Sunday.  It's an easy free write for five minutes (this took a bit longer, which is ok).  You can link up or read the other posts from other bloggers.

Father

My father is a great man.  He is a great provider.  He pushes all of his children to be better.  He made sure that we were able to go to school and get around easily.  He is a strong man.

Through his buying techniques, he has helped me learn the benefits and strategies for haggling and getting a lower price.  I was able to use it to get a few extras in my car.

His drive to have me reach the upper tier of my profession has me questioning what I want to do in my life - in a good way.

His always trying to be better at his own job is so impressive.  His continuing athleticism is still impressive.  He impresses me all the time.

When I look back to my childhood, I always compare my father to Dr. Huxtable.  My dad always had a clever joke, or a silly face to lighten a mood.  But he was always stern when he needed to be.  He is a doctor, too and I loved that he even had the Cosby-sweaters.  Being called into his room was always a bit frightening because I didn't know what was going to happen.  He would have me sit and would talk very little, though still, somehow, be saying a lot.  Sometimes these meetings would end in a reprimand.  Other times, they would end with my father giving me monetary assistance for something I was trying to do.

I always loved when I was really small and me and my siblings would play around my dad as he watched some baseball or tennis on tv.  We would move his legs as he stayed on the couch and pretend his legs were part of a car door.

When I think of my father, I think of a man who has supported in my education and my occupation.

I also think of a man who didn't always seem open to talk about personal issues - his or mine.  I sometimes think that my silence with friends and family in times when there should be talking comes from my watching him do the same.  A mechanism to protect himself and myself from people seeing the not so powerful sides of me.  I know that as a grown person, I shouldn't be using these things as an excuse, but I think that decades of these sort of conversations and of not sharing all parts of my life with my family members has made me more socially dysfunctional than I need to be.

But, I always love seeing my father.  Just yesterday, I was video chatting with some siblings and the parents and it was great seeing the joy in my father's face as he sat with them all and saw me on the screen.

I always remember how hearing him and my mother tell me that they were proud of me actually made me cry a few years ago.

This Stream of Consciousness Sunday post for allthingsfadra is about my father.  You can write about yours and his impact on you and your life and your family or just write about whatever else is on your mind on this day or future Sundays and link up with Fadra.

It just takes five minutes.

Anonymously public

Years ago, I had to close down a blog because some anonymous person associated with work (I think a parent) found it and thought the comments I made about how the district should have hired a friend and colleague of mine were uncalled for and out of place.  I had written that blog anonymously, but had it linked to a colleague's blog who had her name on it.  I think they put two and two together and discovered who I was.  I had a lot of good writing on that blog, but because I was so fearful of the admin at the time, I erased the entire blog without backing up or copying any of my posts.

It was a very sad day.

Now, I write fairly anonymously.  My family and some friends know I write this blog, but I leave my name off of it.  I don't name names and I don't detail who I work for, just that I am a high school teacher and coach.  I'm sure there have been some clues that if a person really wanted to figure out my identity, they could.

I don't really know that I care anymore if my place of work finds my writing.  I did the unthinkable and friended some of my current colleagues on FB and they can see the links I sometimes put up to this blog.  I have had a few of them tell me they are reading posts, or leave comments on the FB links.

It is kind of weird knowing they see this side of me.

At first, I didn't even tell my parents about this blog.  But I have opened it up to them.  Not sure how often they read it, but when I send them links to posts, they comment on how they read it and enjoyed the posts.  Siblings, same way - not sure if they are regular readers, but I know they at least read every so often when I write about them.

My boo doesn't read the blog and doesn't even know that I've been writing daily for this year.  I have told him about it and he has said that he will get around to reading, but I don't force it.

I kind of like that I have this outlet that is not regularly read by a lot of people I know.  I kind of like that most of my comments are from people I have never met IRL.

At first, when people at work started to tell me that they were reading my stuff, I thought about being more cautious.  But, this is my blog, and I will write whatever I desire.  I don't write things to hurt people, I don't write things about work using names.

I was debating a summer project of starting a Google+, FB, and Twitter page for this blog, but am not sure if I want to open it up that much.  I have a few regular readers, and some randoms, and maybe even some lurkers.

I'm not sure if social networking sites are necessary at this point since I'm not sure if I want to make this blog bigger than it is.  I do, and I don't.

And, I'm not sure that I want to keep up with posting information on all those different mediums.  Though, I think there is some sort of way to have posts cross to each medium with one click... though that could be annoying if followers are connected with each one and receive the same notification thrice and in their Google Reader.

For now, I guess I will remain somewhat anonymously public.

I will continue to write my thoughts.  Just what I am thinking at the time.

Once again, it is Stream of Consciousness Sunday.  Five minutes (though today was a bit longer) of free writing.  Today's prompt on Fadra's site, "Do you have a secret blogging life?  Are you connected to your "real life" friends and family through social media?  How does that affect your writing?"