Fear and anxiousness

So apparently I am meant to live in fear of my health.

The aching back -- may not just sore from doing back extensions. It has been really bad for three weeks. I have a really high tolerance for pain, and have been dealing with it daily. Sunday I had the sharpest pain I have ever endured. So bad that I sat down afterward and was literally teary-eyed. Couldn't move well at all. Sucked since I had a lot of work in the house I was planning on doing and needed to go in and get some ink for the printer.

I went to a better doctor this past Monday and he recommended I get an MRI since it may be something wrong with the discs. I go in today.

The doctor said that some girls when they are younger have slight fractures in their spines from doing activities like gymnastics or other exercises where they do a lot of bending and flexing and put pressure on their backs. Didn't do gymnastics, but I did wrestle freshman and sophomore years of high school -- yes I was that kind of girl. And yes I did beat some guys -- made one guy from Clayton cry after defeating him. I wasn't that good, though, definitely did not have a winning record, but I was all right. Also did high jump which is also all about back bending and falling all on the spine.

I couldn't sleep last night with fear of what this could all mean. There is a teacher in my department at work who had back surgery three years ago for a disc out of place. When my back was first hurting he was asking about numbness or tingling in the legs, which is what he felt and what made him go to the neurosurgeon to figure out what was going on with him. I didn't think much of it at the time since I thought my problem was muscular. But nothing has helped that usually helps muscle problems -- heat, massage, Biofreeze, etc. I can't lay down without pressure on my spine, and when I sit in the wrong position it is truly hell on my lower back. Sharp pains. A feeling as though my tail bone is trying to push against everything that should be in my pelvic region.

Now more waiting. But this time, I feel that the results will not be as good as the last time I had to wait for some results.