What is up yours? Seriously!

I work along side some pretty gross people.  They are people who, in the lunch room, will leave pieces way larger than small crumbs on the floor or on the table when they eat.  People who eat chilli, spill a small bit as they move their spoon past the bowl, and then leave that mess on the table.  When I go back into the room later to use the restroom, the mess is there, solidified.  These are people, who (based on the dirt and under-nail grime) often do not seem as though they have washed their hands since their last hunting weekend when they dug their hands into their recent catch.

Speaking of the restroom, it is in the same room as the lunch room.  There are two faculty restrooms, one is designated as the women's, the other for the men.  Usually, if one is occupied, a person will use whichever one is available.

These are the same restrooms that consist of possibly the worst invention ever in life.

Today, I went sat in the room before school to eat a tasty breakfast from the local donut shop - nothing like bacon, eggs, and cheese on a fresh bagel in the morning.  As I sat there, I was amazed at how clean the room is in the mornings after the custodial staff has cleaned the room.

I have been trying to up my water intake this week since my skin was feeling kind of dry.  So, I had to use the bathroom this morning before my normal lunchroom break.  I went into the bathroom and noticed that there was a strong smell of funk. As though I had gone in right after someone had really blown the place up.  As I quickly squatted to get my pee on, I was quoting the guy from Friday - don't go in there for about 30-40 minutes.

Just now (at the end of the day) I went in to tinkle again.

I stilled smelled what was now beyond funk.

The smell was so bad that I had to look closer at the toilet and figure out what the hell it was.

On the sides of the toilet were brown streaks.  Below the toilet were two fairly large, brown droplets nestled at just the point where they must have dropped as they dripped down the side of the toilet.

DIS-GUS-TING.

Some nasty-ass-mo-fo truly BLEW UP the toilet.

How do you shit and the stuff gets on the outside of toilet?  And it had to have been early in the morning, so what did you eat last night or this morning to make such a gigantic explosion force its way out of your bowels?  What has gotten into you?  Do you have some sort of parasite?  Do you have an even bigger aversion to dairy than I do?  Do you have giant monster in you that released itself through your nether-regions?

Help me understand.

I have seen a toilet get clogged, but these toilets are the industrial kind that would probably suck your bowels right out of your ass hole if you sat too far into the toilet.

How did a person clog the toilet so much that the shit literally overflowed and lept out of the bowl and splayed onto the floor?

Seriously!!

Help me understand.