I thought I'd never catch my breath

Today, I almost cried.

Thrice.

For some reason, many people think teachers have it so easy.

Summers off are a blessing for teachers, right?  That there are no curriculum revisions, workshops in other cities, setting up classrooms, learning how to teach new classes, lesson planning, learning how to use the new technology given to us, etc.  Many think that we get paid regularly throughout the summer to just do nothing.

Today, I had to budget my last check of the school year (yes, it is a bit larger than my usual bi-monthly check, but far from magnificent in its amount).  In order to live responsibly throughout my non-teaching months, I try to pay forward all my bills so that I don't have to pay any again until my first check of the school year in mid-August.  (Just writing that I won't see any income for twelve weeks is really frightening.  Each summer it brings me dread.)

I have the money deposited in my bank and decided it would be best to send money orders or direct transfer from my account rather than checks or using a credit card.

The withdrawal to pay for my rent, my cell phone, my internet/cable, my electric, my gas, my bi-yearly car insurance (Why does insurance cost so much?? And why haven't I moved to a place where I don't need a car?), my AAA, my credit card balance, and my car payments for three months was so large that I almost cried when I wrote out the withdrawal amount on the slip in the bank.

I felt like I had these sort of stacks
for a brief moment.

I almost cried and had a panic attack when I went to the teller and told her in which denominations I wanted the money back.

I shoved the money into my front pocket so I could see and feel the large bulging money that barely fit into my tiny pocket.  So I could know that for that brief moment between the bank and the post office I felt like a really rich person who just carries stacks on stacks on stacks (man I hate that Soulja Boy song!) of money daily.

I thought I was going to be fine at the post office when I had the money orders made.  The lady was really nice.  We talked about my hair and how she wants to see what it looks like in certain styles I described to her.

It was friendly banter even as I was telling her the dollar amounts for each of the money orders I needed.

It was friendly banter even as she started printing the first money order.

Then she read the total amount of money I owed.  And then I passed her the massive stack from my bulging pocket.

What she gave me back in change was not even enough to buy a fast food value meal.

At that point I took a deep breath and let it out.  She said that she always feels really bad giving people change after they pay for large money orders.

At that point I almost cried.

This is all I have left on my dresser.
I wish I could turn the smile on
my eraser upside down for effect.

To hold the tears and feelings of angst in, I explained to her my situation.  She explained to me that she thought all teachers get paid throughout the summer - she has a friend who has it that way for his teaching job.  We talked about the differences in school districts.  We talked about what I teach and why I like it.  As she continued to print off my money orders, I continued to answer her questions so that I would not cry.

When we finished, like Lauryn said, "I compared myself to Tony Braxton, thought I'd never catch my breath."

I walked over to the post office table in the middle and started filling in money orders and addressing envelopes to be sent to businesses so that I can live the rest of the summer in peace.  Well, at least not worrying about whether I have money to pay my bills.

I do have money left that is not being moved over to my do-not-touch-savings.  I will, hopefully, not starve.  I just have to budget the rest of the summer and make sure that whatever I do with my money is worthwhile.

I guess I won't be going to any celebrations where I have to make it rain.  Unless they want it to hail when I throw up coins instead of dollars.

Even the old stay hip!

I love Michael Jackson's music.  Ever since I was a child and was jealous of my brother's red jacket.  Ever since he was so smooth in his videos that were so hard that they premiered on prime time television.

In fact, go ahead and start playing this song as you read through the rest of this post...



This is what I heard blasting from a car in a parking lot this weekend.  It was not unlike when MJ died and people were singing all his songs loudly in their cars wherever they drove.  I loved it!

I know that a lot of different people liked MJ for different reasons and during different eras.

I also know that looks can be deceiving. 

I truly know that you can't judge a book by its cover and can't tell what a person is like based on your first impressions.

Even still, I was in shock when I walked through a parking lot this weekend and heard a car blaring Jackson's "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)" super loud through the car speakers.

I was shocked because I was in Mid-Missouri and the eating locale just didn't seem like the place where MJs fans would be hanging out.

I was shocked because the super-loud music was coming from a black Lincoln Towncar with blacked out windows.  Yes, the type of car that is seen as luxury and is used as a limo for the rich in major cities, like NYC.

I was even more shocked when the car parked just to my left and out came a 70+ year old white man dressed in a salmon colored polo shirt and some khaki pants.

Get it, old man!!

I have fallen in love with hammocks!

Track season is officially over!

It went out with more of a whimper than a bang, but the State trip was hopefully worthwhile to the athletes I took.  I always take the participants and then pay myself for at least two extra kids to go who look promising for next season.  This way, they are not shocked by the atmosphere and the competition when they get there and compete.

One of the highlights of the trip, aside from some teams' excellent performances, was going to the local mall.  I am not really one to go into sports stores (I love some sports, but would rather look online for anything I want), but with three male coaches there with me, we ended up in a sports store.  Just as the conversation during a couple meals turned to football.  No big, deal, I can hang with guys.  I tried to hula hoop (why am I so unable to do this activity?).  I goofed around in a kayak.  I played with frisbees.  I feigned interest in golf clubs.  I made fun of tall tees.

But the best was yet to come...

Someone please explain to me why it took me three decades to lay in a hammock for the first time!

Even in a sports stores tent sale in the parking lot it was a beautiful feeling to lay on those ropes.

I stayed in it for at least five minutes as the guys continued looking at whatever they were looking at and I loved every minute of it.  I even loved the slight difficulty of trying to get out of the hammock.

After that whimsical experience, we walked more through the mall and came across some masseurs.  Of course I had to continue the tradition of associating track meets with massages, so I was in for a $12, 10 minute massage.  It was bliss!  It was fabulous!  It was much needed!

And it reminded me that I should still have a coupon from the place a few weeks ago that I can use for a discounted, full, 30 minute massage.

Must. Find. Coupon.

Tag!! I'm it, you could be next!

I have been doubly tagged in a bloggers game.  I am honored to have been chosen by both Sleepy Joe and Journey of Life.

Rules are that I will tell you 11 things about me and then answer their 11 questions and then tag 11 other bloggers to join in the game.

Since I was tagged twice in a couple of days, I will address both of their questions together and then do the rest.

Some things about me:

1. I am really good at waking up at a set time even without an alarm.  My mother used to talk about me for doing this even in my childhood years when I would awaken to watch Mousercise.
2. I am also a creature of habit with my breakfasts.  I have had oatmeal almost every morning for breakfast for the past year.  I also eat the same basic things for dinner most days during the week.  I mix it up some days, but find that at least one item on the plate is consistent.
3. When I bought my car, I had never driven a manual transmission car.  I had only ridden in a car with a manual driver a few times in my life and those were in my young childhood.  I had driven manual cars in video games and beefed up on those before purchasing the car.  I made it out of the lot ok, but then stalled at the first light after the dealership.
4. I used to love Jem and the Holograms.  Me and my sister even got earrings shaped like stars so that we could talk to Synergie.  
5. For a long time I wanted to be on The Real World.  I thought it would be so great to live with random people.  I did live with three girls I did not know during my first year of teaching.  It was nothing like the drama from the real world.  We all got along, though one girl thought the community living room was her hangout place for her and her boyfriend who she didn't want to have in her bedroom.  I also became really good friends with one of the girls who's laugh I fell in love with and had to ask her what was always so funny.  She still can make me laugh this day.  And I am happy that I did not share those months of my life on television.
6. The only t-shirts I own are shirts that I have gotten for free from teaching and from coaching.  I have given a lot of them away.  When free shirts are given out at school, I tend to decline and then get the mean mug from the distributors.  I really would like to look in some teachers' closets to see how much school swag they have.  I have narrowed it down to about 8-10 and think that is still too much.  I got a new shirt from the football coach a few weeks ago and think that I either need to get rid of it, or get rid of a different shirt in exchange - one in, one out.
7. Although I sometimes wish I coached with another woman instead of 7 men, I do enjoy the perks of a guaranteed private room at the state championships.
8. I have two Netflix movies that I have had since for eight months but have not watched.  I have streamed movies for teaching and for personal use, but have not watched these two DVDs.
9. My addiction to this game is easing.  I thought it would become worse with the summer months, but I have (so far) been ok and not reverted back to obsession.
10. When I was younger, I used to hate when my mother bought generic foods.  I wanted Tony on my frosted flakes, I wanted the little leprechaun and his marshmallows.  It wasn't until I tasted the name brand foods and realized that the generic versions of many of them actually tasted better.  Now, I just need to buy the marshmallows in bulk since that is the best part of Marshmallows and Stars.
11. I missed my 500-post anniversary.  It was two days ago with my Yesterday I was Clever post.  I have still posted every day in 2012.  I have still written more in the past five months than I did in the past three years.

Now to answer my taggers' questions.

First for Sleepy Joe's:

1. Who is your literary hero? Why? I guess off the top of my head I would go with King James because he had the power to completely change the Bible to suit his desires and his needs and much of his edits, deletions, additions are still in play in the book to this day.
2. What is your favourite children's story?  Anything Berenstein Bears.  I loved those books and loved when they became a cartoon on Saturdays.
3. Are you a closet reader, are there some books that you won't admit to reading?  I haven't read books for fun in years. I don't think I would hide anything I read... reality tv is another story, though.
4. Do you have any regrets in life?  I regret not choosing to take more risks in my life that likely would have led to greater things in the long-run.
5. Name one ambition, not including getting your writing published. I want to be remembered for doing great things at every place I have worked and with all people I have known.
6. Heels or flats on a night out?  Both.  I often wear heals and then carry a pair of bendable flats in my large bag for changing into.  I don't like to drive in heals and often want to change into flats when no one can see my feet.
7. What is your comfort food?  Don't have one.
8. Normal clothes or comfy PJ's?  I don't own PJs, but I do love a pair of sweats or yoga pants and a t-shirt or camisole when I am hanging out in the house.
9. What is your favourite film?  I don't have an absolute favourite, but I do love many Asian horror movies.  They are more shocking than most American ones.  American ones tend to be more comical than anything else.  One Asian film I love is Three... Extremes. 
10. Coke or Pepsi?  I don't drink sodas.  I've only had a couple handfuls of them in over 15 years.

Now for Journey of Life's questions.

1. What is your life philosophy?  Be better than you were yesterday.   Simple, yet to the point.
2. What was your childhood's dream?  Did it come true?  I wanted to be a doctor and save lives.  Instead I am a teacher, but, I still believe I may have saved some lives or, at least, pointed some young (and older) people in a different direction.
3. Name one person that has inspired you the most in your life.  My boyfriend.  Regretfully, I have not done some of the things he has suggested in the right time frames, but, he has still opened my eyes to so many things and pushed me to be better and smarter and kinder.
4. Who do you love the most in your life.  See #3.
5. What is the most memorable moment in your life?  There are two that stand out the most.  The first was 2001 August-Septemeber.  My mother's twin brother died and she was supposed to fly to Nigeria on the 12th of September (if I remember correctly).  Due to all the terror issues, she was unable to go.  The way she broke down when he died and even more so when she couldn't be there for the funeral was truly heartbreaking.  The second was when my uncle died.  He was such a great man to me, but I know that my parents struggled to help him with addiction and with different problems in his life.  When he died, my dad seemed fine, until the funeral when he was laid in the ground.  I was tearing up the whole time, but when he broke down, that was it for me.  I couldn't bear to see him crying.  Those were the first, and only instances where I have really seen my parents cry.
6. Where is your favorite vacation spot?  I loved it in Toronto.  But I would love to go to an island in the Pacific... Bora Bora, perhaps.
7. Where is one place that you must visit before you die?  I don't think there is a must-see place.  There are places like in #6 that I would like to see, but I don' think I will die sad if I don't get to those places.
8. What is one thing that you must do before you die?  See #7.  I just want to live a fulfilled life and leave people with fond memories of me that aren't warped by sentimental feelings when I die.  I want them to truly be glad that they knew me.
9. If you know tomorrow is the day that you would leave this world, what would be one advice that you would leave behind?  Be better than you were yesterday and be willing to take smart risks.
10. If tomorrow is the day that you would die, who would be the person that you wold like to spend the  rest of the hours with?  See #3.

Tag!! You're it!

If you're still with me, thanks for reading!!

Now for the questions I will pose to the next recipients of this blog tag game.  I will only do eight, because I like to bend rules.

*** You just have to tell 11 things about yourself, answer these questions (supposed to be 11 questions), and then tag 11 other bloggers to do the same.  Then post a link to your post in the comments here so we can all see your answers. ***

1. Soy milk or regular milk?
2. Favorite sport to watch?  Why?
3. Sitcoms or reality television?
4. Laptop or tablet?  Why?
5. Which person has influenced your life the most?
6. Which would you most hate to be without, television, computer, or cell phone?
7. Which would you hate to be without, your hair or a body shape you liked?
8. Where would you rather live - high-rise or suburbs?  Why?

Here are the bloggers I am tagging to be IT.

Check out their blogs to see their answers to my questions.
A Life Improbable
Alphabet Salad
Kicking Corners
Clay Baboons
Does Anyone Care What I Write?
Good Naija Girl
Jane in Her Infinite Wisdom
My Really Real Reality
No More Coffee Spoons
Patent Pending
Allthingsfadra

Only time will tell...

I know people assume that I have all the time in the world to just relax and do whatever for the next two months.  As a teacher, that is what I do, right?

This summer is different, though.

No, I'm not going back to coaching summer track.  Taking a year off from that last summer after 12 years of coaching each hot summer was great.  So great that I don't think I can go back to it, even though I love the coaches and love being around kids who are actually dedicated to the sport.

No, I'm not going to teach summer school.  That was a promise I made to myself when I started teaching. I had been around too many summer schools and too many summer programs to ever allow myself to teach summer school.  I also value the break and the recharging that comes with not teaching in the summer time.

I need to use this summer to figure out what I want.  What I want to do, what I want to be, where I want to do it, and how I will go about doing it.

Large stuff.  And really crazy that in my thirty+ years I haven't been able to figure this all out yet.

This is what overwhelms me right now.

How am I coping?

I am searching, I am exercising to release stress, I am trying to listen to myself, I am learning from everything around me.

Is it working?

Only time will tell.

This was my Stream of Consciousness Sunday post.  You can join allthingsfadra's linky list with your own thoughts or read what other people have written off the cuff.  All it takes is a five minute free-write and then posting your blog to Fadra's site.

Today's prompt was, "What feels overwhelming to you right now and how are you coping?"

Saturday Quote: Yesterday I was clever

This a quote I saw from a retweet from a friend who writes Destiny Discoveries.  If you haven't seen JCov's blog yet, you should really check it out for words of wisdom and a reminder to try and reach our goals.

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. ~Rumi

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