28 July 2008

It finally happened, and, yes, it was as bad as I expected

It has been a long time coming. I have consistently been able to avoid the inevitable, but my time finally came. I thought I had done well by escaping the birds in Omaha (more on the trip to possibly come later). There were birds constantly over head. I found out that there were four birds nests in the bathrooms (one in each of the entrances on the West side of the track). Each had little baby birds peeking their heads out. The picture is not as clear as I would have liked it, but you can see a bit of what I saw in the corners of the entrances to the restroom that I successfully avoided for five days while attending the track meet. And I don't even think I am severely dehydrated.

The birds flew overhead continuously. Constantly looking for scavenged food they could take to their rugrats. I even witnessed one of them drop a load on an umbrella that sat two rows in front of me in the bleachers. Fortunately it missed the person and just left its mark on the umbrella. I was really happy at that moment not only for the person being saved from the bird crap, but also because I figured the bird would not let it go in the same area again.

Today I got to go shopping for some things I need for that house. I was enjoying carrying Kid Sis #2's son in the little bundle as I walked out of Target. Even eating a Snickers Bar as I walked through the parking lot back to the car. As I reached to open the wrapper of the bar a bit more to take the next bite, I felt something hit my right shirt sleeve. I thought maybe the wind had blown a piece of the Snickers bar off the wrapper and it hit me.


It was shit.

From a bird.

What the hell?!

I looked over and it was just sitting there -- two pieces of bird dung. Absolutely disgusting. I looked up to find the bird wishing I had a BB gun or a sling shot or something to shoot down the swarm, but only found one lone bird flying way up high and already on its way somewhere West. It had been a beautiful day -- blue skies, no clouds, not too hot, nice.

In all my years of careful avoidance of large flocks or persistent fly overs from those mo-fos... I slip one time and this is what happens.

Of course Kid Sis #2 finds this absolutely hilarious since I just wrote about my hate for them and had the previous post on my hate for the changing seasons and how they bring forth more opportunities for a defecation attack. I let her laugh for a bit. But trust that for a slight moment I wanted to wipe the white goo on her chuckling face as she laughed at me.

Fortunately for her I was too disgusted to really move too quickly. She is also fortunate the bird didn't drop it three inches to the left and hit my cute little nephew with its waste.

Fortunately for the bird I can't fly cause we would have been banging. I don't care if it has a sharp beak to peck me with. I have nails and opposable thumbs.


  1. Poor you! I don't think I've EVER been hit with bird doo.

  2. People always think it's funny when it happens to someone else. My friends and I were in Anaheim, and a bird crapped on me. Everyone thought it was hilarious and took pictures of it. The pictures even became the profile pic for our group on Facebook.

  3. Look on the bright-side...

    the bird in question wasn't a Pelican. Those things are huge and I doubt whether after being shitted on, you would have been able to write this blog without a few curse words...


  4. Supposedly, that is good luck. Probably just a myth by the birdists.

  5. You slay me!

  6. @ Kathy - I wish you many, many more days and years of doo doo free living.

    @ Lane J - I wouldn't say it is that funny when it hits others (though it might get a chuckle from others), but it is definitely not funny when it happens to you. I'm sorry they took pictures so that you have to remember the moment for eternity. Gross.

    @ Rippa - I guess that is a bright side. And that it wasn't an ostrich -- imagine, if they could fly, what that turd must be like.

    @ Da Old Man - If that is good luck, something pretty freaking amazing better happen to me. Soon.

    @ Anonymous - Thanks, Homeskillet.

    @ Torrence - I'm telling you. I must have brought it on myself by talking about it so much recently.


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