I can breathe again

I don't have to have back surgery. That is the thought that keeps going through my head, even as the pain continues. I had truly prepped my self so much for the prospect that it is really a relief that it will not have to happen. I had started to figure out what I would do with the substitute teacher who would take my class, I had figured out who would take care of me, how I would rearrange my finances to pay for whatever the insurance would not cover, etc.

The MRI was an experience. No one, even the nurses, warned me of what it would be like. I was impressed that I would get to listen to music from satellite while in the machine. But then I asked them how long I would be in there since I was being offered music. They said it would be between 30-50 minutes.

I got on the machine and was lifted into the contraption. It was weird, but I don't get claustrophobic, so no biggie. The lady came on and asked if the music was loud enough. I said it was fine. She said we were ready to start.

The percussive sound was crazy-loud. And seemed incessant. I could barely hear the radio in my ear. I lasted for a total of 35 minutes in any where from 2-6.5 minute intervals of loud craziness.

The doctor who looks at the stuff was not there that evening so I had to wait to get the results. No big deal since I already figured that surgery would be the only option. I slept better that night.

I went to the chiropractor again. (A really good one. If you need a guy, I will definitely recommend this one. He taught Pete, who I think is the most knowledgeable in the field of the body movement. And he was recommended by Pete since Pete is moving and didn't want to start treatment on me if he is not going to be able to see it all the way through.) This guy was able to explain the results.

Mild to moderate degenerative facet joint changes with ligamentous hypertrophy throughout the lumbar spine. (not so good news) The lumbar disc are unremarkable. (good news)

Basically I have arthritis in my back. (Yes I am still not yet 30 and have bad arthritis in my back.)

But hearing that the disc are unremarkable meant that there would need to be no surgery.

I basically have the stuff that cushions my spine bones deteriorating. That means that the bones are not able to move as well as they should and that they aren't cushioned as well as they should be. Added to this is the fact that although I look like I workout a lot, I have not done more than 20 days of exercising in the past 4-5+ years. This means that my body has not been very mobile and my spine has been made to be stuck in its position. Due to my job, I also have added stress that tightens my muscles in my upper back and neck, which add to the pain.

I decided three weeks ago that since my birthday was coming up, I would start to workout. I ran, I lifted, I did ab stuff, I did back stuff. All this felt good at the time, but the doctor said that it could have led to what turned out to be the worst pain of my life.

The sudden movement of a basically almost immobile spine was not good. It produced the feelings of someone stabbing me through my insides, the inability to bend to even spit toothpaste adequately into the sink, the inability to sit in a chair, the inability to lay on my side, etc.

To make it better, I will need to start exercising, I will need to make sure that I stretch my back to loosen the spine bones, I will need to get adjusted every so often to make sure the gaps are right in my spine, I will need to not get fat.

So far, the adjusting is working a bit. I can move easier. I have also started doing the exercises the doctor recommended. They help a bit. But my back is so tight that I can't even bring my leg to my chest when laying down without pain. I can't do the cobra stretch on the ground higher than about 10". But I am getting better.

And I don't have to have surgery.

Scream bloody murder

If you didn't watch Christiane Amanpour's CNN special "Scream Bloody Murder" yesterday, you have another chance tonight.

This excellent journalist goes in-depth as she covers the genocides that occurred in Cambodia, Iraq, Darfur, and Bosnia. She finds that "instead of using a U.N. treaty outlawing genocide as a springboard to action, political leaders have invoked reason after reason to make intervention seem unnecessary, pointless and even counter-productive." She interviews individuals who tried to get the various U.S. and international government leaders to act to stop the genocide in each nation even before the last straw that grabbed international attention in each case, to no avail.

Click these two links to see CNN's information on the show and a little bit more in-depth information on the events that occurred in each of the nations covered by Amanpour.

Watch the two-hour documentary tonight at 7 pm Central time 8 pm Eastern time.

There are still some really good people left in the world

Despite the fact that a lot of people are becoming more and more selfish and concerned mostly about themselves and how to get themselves ahead, there are still those that care about the needs of others.

Here in St. Louis on Friday, a Secret Santa went around and just gave people in need 100-dollar bills. The only stipulation was that the recipient do something nice for someone else.

One person who received money had just borrowed the same amount of money from her mother a few days prior to buy food. The Secret Santa went all around town including the Goodwill, a health clinic, and a thrift store.

All together $20,000 in $100-bills was given out in St. Louis -- and for those of you who are wondering, the money was not given out as a way to get a tax deduction - it will not be claimed for that purpose.

It is just people being nice.

You can read more about it here -- read how the tradition started almost 30 years ago by a man named Larry Stewart and how his friends are continuing his legacy in more cities as they try to spread it to more and more cities.

Fear and anxiousness

So apparently I am meant to live in fear of my health.

The aching back -- may not just sore from doing back extensions. It has been really bad for three weeks. I have a really high tolerance for pain, and have been dealing with it daily. Sunday I had the sharpest pain I have ever endured. So bad that I sat down afterward and was literally teary-eyed. Couldn't move well at all. Sucked since I had a lot of work in the house I was planning on doing and needed to go in and get some ink for the printer.

I went to a better doctor this past Monday and he recommended I get an MRI since it may be something wrong with the discs. I go in today.

The doctor said that some girls when they are younger have slight fractures in their spines from doing activities like gymnastics or other exercises where they do a lot of bending and flexing and put pressure on their backs. Didn't do gymnastics, but I did wrestle freshman and sophomore years of high school -- yes I was that kind of girl. And yes I did beat some guys -- made one guy from Clayton cry after defeating him. I wasn't that good, though, definitely did not have a winning record, but I was all right. Also did high jump which is also all about back bending and falling all on the spine.

I couldn't sleep last night with fear of what this could all mean. There is a teacher in my department at work who had back surgery three years ago for a disc out of place. When my back was first hurting he was asking about numbness or tingling in the legs, which is what he felt and what made him go to the neurosurgeon to figure out what was going on with him. I didn't think much of it at the time since I thought my problem was muscular. But nothing has helped that usually helps muscle problems -- heat, massage, Biofreeze, etc. I can't lay down without pressure on my spine, and when I sit in the wrong position it is truly hell on my lower back. Sharp pains. A feeling as though my tail bone is trying to push against everything that should be in my pelvic region.

Now more waiting. But this time, I feel that the results will not be as good as the last time I had to wait for some results.

Knock, knock on wood

I am really enjoying the new job. I know I've said this before. I know that a lot of my friends are probably tired of hearing me compare it to the old job when we talk and they ask me how work is going, but I can't help it.

One of the biggest changes is that I don't rush when the last bell rings to end the school day to my car. I don't need to have a drink at the end of the week. Now I may just imbibe because I want to have one.

I have kids that can pay attention and do their work without super prodding them -- don't get me wrong, there are still some that are difficult, but not as many. And not with the baggage that they had at the other place.

Though, I do at times miss that extra baggage. It is what helped me build some of the awesome relationships I had with the old kiddos.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my back (which might actually be a messed up disk in my spine -- MRI Thursday to find out) at the sports doctor close to the old school and saw two of my former students. One of which was my track athlete for three years. It was touching to see them. It really made me remember how much I love those relationships. How much I really miss all the girls who would come and try to get advice on their drama, how some of the guys would come to me for girl advice, how the guys would come and try to figure out if I really could out race them or do more push ups than them. How I had such cool adult people to chat and gossip with between classes or at lunch. Just the little things.

But... I am happy to be out of there. I am happy that I can leave in the winter after school and it is not yet dark outside.

I am glad to have competent higher-ups who respect me, acknowledge what I am doing, and remember little things about my life outside of school that I merely mentioned in passing during our last conversations.

Work is good.

A quick shout out to my fam!

I haven't been able to do the really deep, thought provoking posts that I do in the summer time or when I have more free time.

So I invite you to read my cousin's blog. He is over in England, so he has a bit of a different perspective on stuff than those over here on this vast space that is North America. Without further hesitation, I bring you -- Denizen.

He is truly one of the best writers I know who is not yet published. And I'm not just saying that because we are related.

Truth.

Read, educate, enjoy.

He also has another one: Popcorn and White Maltesers