Grandpa

I was blessed with 4 grandparents when I was born.  My paternal grandfather died when I was young. I only know him through pictures and tales I heard about him at the time of his death.  Amazing stories, firsts, feats, and greatness.  My paternal grandmother I knew in person.  My first name is hers.  I sometimes feel like I remember her voice, but I definitely remember her smile.  And her hands.  For some reason, I remember her hands.

From a young age, the family began traveling to Nigeria for summers or for the Christmas holiday.  I began to know my maternal grandparents more and more as I grew.  Both of them also visited StL pretty regularly, too.

I will never forget watching episodes of Jerry Springer with Grandma and her turning to me to ask, “What does ‘nahmee’ mean? Took me a while, but, I finally figured out that she was referring to the slang drawls of people saying (never really using it as a question) “You know what I mean?”

I don’t remember how the nickname started, but my grandpa always referred to me as Ada-Potato-Ada-Potata. I loved it.  I loved having a nickname that he anointed me with and that he called me and that some of my aunts and uncles started to call me, too.

My grandfather was really incredible.  I mean that.  It is unbelievable some of the things he has accomplished in his life!  If you don’t believe me, read at the Vanguard, or on this blog.

Even when I was small, I was impressed by how in awe so many people in the village were of him.  It was like he was a celebrity.  I wanted to know why.  I learned that he was a judge – the first judge to come from his village.  He not only became a judge, he became really big and handled some really big cases.  This was impressive even to me - a child of a lawyer.  I mean, how many people have a grandpa who was a classmate of Margaret Thatcher in school?

I cherished hearing him tell tales of his times in England when he visited us in the States and we could take up all of his attention without others around as it tended to be in Ohafia.

At the same time, I loved seeing him in his element at home – more and more often in more casual wrappers and undershirts as he got older.  Not in suits and ties and judges robes any more, but still looking distinguished at all times.

Over the summer, news reached me that he was growing ill.

My first thoughts were about how it had been so long since I’d seen him.  Then I went to thinking about how I needed to immediately buy my tickets to Nigeria for December 2014 so that I could visit him and Granny.

Each new message from my mom about her father was a little more unsettling.  

I barely slept all summer thinking of him.  Hearing his voice.   Hearing him say my nickname.  Seeing him on his balcony entertaining guests.

At the beginning of August I found out that my big brother was going to Naija with his fiancée and my mom.  I jumped on that trip real quickly.  It would coincide with the end of summer school that I was teaching. 

After tickets were bought, knowing I was going on that trip and would see him again gave me my first decent night’s sleep in a really long time.  I was going to get to see him again.  We had word that he was eating again. My aunts even were sending pictures of him sitting up and looking alert.  Much thinner than Grandpa I had seen 6 years before, but still alert and smiling.

Six years.  How had I let it go that long without getting to Nigeria?

I had a train to DC scheduled for the last day of summer school; I’d meet bro and Slaw (my loving name for my one and only almost-sister-in-law) and Mom and then the next day we would fly to see Grandpa, Granny, and the rest of the family.

During an end of school year staff meeting, I missed a call from my mother.  I called back as I walked out the door on my way to the subway that conveniently was right outside the school. I was on my way to get home, pick up my suitcase, and head to Penn Station for my train.

Very calmly and almost like she was just stating facts like that I am her daughter and my skin is brown, she said, “We were too late.”  She went on to say more, but at that moment, those four words shook me to my core.  My heart literally seemed to skip a beat which caused my lungs to not inhale and for me to stop walking and lean against the side ledge by the school. 

How could we be too late?  How did our quick, perfect plan to see him one last more time before IT happened not work out?

I listened to details about how he had passed on with Granny right by his side.  I think that at first this gave me some relief, but then that relief turned to fear that maybe since he died in his sleep she had not been able to say a proper goodbye to her life partner of 60+ years.

Even though the subway stop was less than 20 meters from where I leaned, I took a walk.  I walked and I walked.  I passed two more subway stations.   I just kept walking.  I cried as I walked – at first I hoped that my large sunglasses and the fact that it is NYC and crazy stuff is seen all the time on the streets would keep me inconspicuous.  Then I stopped carrying and just kept crying on my walk.  I got on a train. I cried on the train.  I had to transfer to another train and cried on the platform while I waited and then cried some more on the next train and on the walk up to my apartment.

Bawled so hard.

I tried to stop so I could give the news to the boif that the suitcase I packed so immaculately sitting in the middle of the living room would not be put to use for that last visit, but I could barely get any words out.  I stuttered through my words as tears choked my voice.

The family cancelled the trip that day. They had already cancelled the flight before I received The Call.

We wanted to transfer the flights to whenever the funeral would take place.  That is something I don’t want to miss.

That suitcase stayed in the middle of the living room floor for almost two weeks.  Taking items out and moving the case would mean that it was really real. Grandpa was really gone. 

As weeks have gone by it has sunk in more and more that it is the end of an era.  Despite that he is gone, I continue to learn more and more about my Grandfather and to become even more and more impressed by his professional accolades and his dedication to his village town.

I also continue to burst into tears at random times and in random places when I think of him, hear his voice, or see him either in my memory or in pictures.

I know he was older and older people – and all people – have to die.

I also know that he has influenced my life in so many ways.

Since I was small, I have wanted to live in a home with a balcony in the front (or at least a front porch area large enough for many chairs) so I can people watch and also so that people can see me as people saw Grandpa and just stop by for a visit.  I have only thrice succeeded in garnering an apartment with a balcony, but they are never substantial and are always in neighborhoods not conducive to walk-bys. 

I have not been able to have an open-door policy with my home, but do so with the same welcoming spirit as my grandfather with my classroom.

Because Grandpa was so educated and spoke with such clarity, I have pushed to learn more and more.  Each day I push to either use my word-of-the-day dictionary app to learn a new word, read various types of articles and books, or watch educational, eclectic, informative shows and movies on tv.

I remember how much pride it gave me when my parents and siblings would say I was teaching someone in the house something new each day; the joy I felt when my father was so impressed that his non-medical school daughter understood and could explain medical terminology and concepts; I loved being there when my mother and her lawyer colleagues were shocked and awed by my legal knowledge at a legal trivia night; I enjoy shocking my students when they ask their social studies teacher if they can go see the math teacher for help and I am able to help them with their problems.

I do it all to honor ALL of my grandparents.

It took me a long time to put pen to paper to write about my grandfather. Each time, I would try to try to even THINK of what I wanted to say, my thoughts would get jumbled.  I would start to cry so hard that it was purposeless to try to create this.  I am glad I have finally done so – this creation was not without tears, just like all of my thoughts of him and of my family that I don’t see enough and don’t talk with enough.

I know that death is an inevitable side effect of making it out of a womb.

I also know that I need to do a better job of living.

I need to stay in contact more with people I care about.

I need to share more of my life and my ideas and my feelings and my talents and more me with people.

I need to laugh more and smile more and make others laugh and smile more.

I need to listen more.

I need to do what I want to do more.

I need to be in the moment more.

I need to live more.

I need to continue hearing Grandpa’s voice in my head telling Ada-Potato to honor him and all my predecessors by being generous and kind and loving – just like him.

Sharing Sharolyn's Joy

I still feel a rush of emotions when I remember my uncle and when I reread my post (here) I wrote after he died.

My birthday is still bittersweet because it was on my birthday that my family buried my uncle.

Now, 6+ years later, a lot of those feelings rushed back to me.

A few days ago I got word that his ex-wife as ill, in the hospital on life support, and had multiple organ failure.

I remember when they were married.  She was the American wife to a kind of old-school Nigerian man, but in front of us at least, she was always so friendly.  Always full of cheer.  I rarely saw her not smiling.

To me, at the time, their divorce seemed sudden and out of nowhere.  Looking back and at my uncle, I'm sure being married to him and dealing with all of his issues could have been draining and straining.

Even after the divorce, she would sometimes be seen at some Nigerian family/friend functions.

At my uncles funeral, she was there with us as my siblings, my father, and my mother went through the emotional service. She was there smiling as I read my blog post for the mass of guests.  She was there with us even through the after events.

Once she found us all on FaceBook, it was on.   She was often one of the first to compliment me or my family on our recent photos and wished us each a happy birthday each year.  Always two days early.

She was so freaking nice that her illnesses and the fact that they made her suffer for longer than I could imagine dealing with illness make me cry just typing this.

It hurts to think that I didn't speak to her since early March, and even that was through email correspondence.

It makes me wish that all people in my life - current, past, close, not-as-close-as-we-once-were could be seen now, given a hug, or at least share a laugh and some messages.  Messages of how they've touched my life, improved my mood, made me think, shared my joy, helped me in times of sorrow, made me stretch beyond my comfort zone, made me question myself, made me improve myself, or even just sat next to me during a boring workshop or meeting.

I always hold myself out to be strong and steadfast in my stoic nature.

I remember when some crazy stuff happened to Kid Sis #2 and my mom was shocked at how hard I took it - shocked at how much it impacted me and that I cried, hard.

I cry over shit.

I've started to cry at little things - including stupid scenes in tv shows.  I cry at joyful things as well as sorrowful things.

I am almost always impacted when events involve people I love, have loved, or care about.

I can't help it.

I don't know that I want to help it anymore.

I'm fine with my emotions coming out at times.

What I want to be better at is contacting people I care about more regularly.  I need to be better about letting them know how much they mean to me before it's too late, or before they forget that I ever cared.

I need to spread the joy that my Aunt Sharolyn spread with her smile and all of her kind words.

Hopefully, she knew how much I loved her and her energy...

Six Month+ update

I haven't written a real blog post since last June - that is over six months ago.

Here's a quick recap of what has happened.

I went overseas with 12 students, four mothers, and two other teachers in the end of June into the first week of July.  We went to France (Paris, Nice), Monacco, Italy (Piza, Florence, Rome, Vatican City).

Me getting into my new
car while in Monaco

It was an awesome experience - my first time in Europe beside stopping through airports.

The kids were great, the mothers irksome - one of them even had the nerve to tell me and another teacher that teaching is easy and that planning and organizing the trip was easy.  It took everything in me to not go off on her.  She also was perpetually late and even had a male guest stay in her hotel room in Paris one night (she shared a room with another mother).

Hotel window view each morning
a small town in Italy

There was a student on the trip who had body odor issues so much that other students, though they tried to be nice to her, got to the point where they did not want to room with her.  Her clothes and body smelled so much that we had to have an intervention. She was only in 6th grade, so perhaps did not understand the body changes and the need for proper cleansing and deodorant.  We teachers taught her how to thoroughly wash her body in the shower.  That did not help, so we teachers then had to wash her clothes in three sinks, a shower, and a bidet one night.  It took us about four hours and so much soap and detergent.  The smell was so revolting and our hands smelled like it for days.  She had been putting her wet towels back into her suitcase each day (we would travel most days).  She had her own towel that was the most revolting, mildewy, molded, disgusting thing I have ever smelled.  She didn't want us to wash it since the smell reminded her of her dad.  I had to walk out of the room when she said that.

Despite my promise to myself when I started teaching 10 years ago that I would never do so, I taught summer school last summer.  Living in NYC is expensive and I wanted to see what it was like. I only taught the second half of the course since another teacher taught the first half.  It wasn't too bad, though the commute was super far each day.

My sister who lived in NYC with me moved to Houston where another sister lives leaving me here in the big city with just the boif as the immediate family.

Perhaps you remember the heat
wave, summer 2013. It was so hot,
I looked like I was lactating.

I moved into a new apartment.  No longer in Harlem. Now just inside the Bronx close to Yankee's Stadium.  What a difference an apartment makes.  The last place was so horrible that I didn't even buy furniture for the living room. Now I have a nice place that is modern, clean, and the floors do not squeak incessantly.  I have bought a couch, I can watch tv, I got Roku, I use the living room for more than a storage place for my yoga mat.  I live in peace - though people in the Bronx have a problem of playing their music really loud at all hours of the day and night.  There are also no convenient places to buy simple food items that don't cost an arm and a leg and the 4 train is slower than dirt compared with the 2/3 that I used to be able to take.

I experienced the hottest summer ever in life.  My sister, her two 1/2 kids, and my brother came to visit NYC for a few days this summer as did my parents for a conferences.  It was nice to see them all.

Kid Sis #2's Kid #2 - So cute!

My parents have decided to move out of our childhood home that they have lived in for over 25 years.  I got to go into it a last time and say goodbye to the memories from there. I also was able to go through old items that I have been storing there such as pictures and track awards and memorabilia.

I got to spend a weekend in the summer with Kid Sis #3.  We went to the Lake of the Ozarks, almost got lost in the-land-where-no-black-people-want-to-get-lost, found our way to the resort, and had a great time. I parasailed for the first time ever, went jetskiing, and went ziplining for the first time ever.  It was so fun and so awesome to get to do so with my youngest sister.

School started back in September.  I am teaching the same classes as well as a zero period computer science class.  Those early mornings are getting to me and making me super tired Monday through Thursday. I love Fridays since I get to sleep later.

Picture I saved from the parent's house
before their move - me as a toddler.

I feel more competent in the classroom this year, but am still working hard planning more and doing better things in the classroom than ever before.

Kid Sis #3's newest son trying on
his mother's wig.  SO CUTE!!

Kid Sis #2 had her third baby late last year - the third boy.  I am looking forward to meeting him in person.

My students at school are great! (Most days)  I had one student bring me some bugs to taste after we practiced reading strategies on an article that talked about edible critters and I said that I wanted to taste some and see what they were like. I tasted them.  They were not bad.  I felt like I channeled my inner Andrew Zimmern.

I feel closer to the teachers at school and for the first time since working at my first StL school, find that I can actually call more than a small hand full of my colleagues my friends.

I went to India to attend a colleague's wedding in December.  It was the first time in eons that I have had a vacation that was truly a vacation.  I had a blast and want to go back to Goa.  It was beautiful and not anything like most of what is seen about India.  We performed a dance for the bride that reenacted the relationship of her and her husband from their first meeting, to their first date, to their engagement where he did a flash mob dance for her.  I felt like I was in a Bollywood production. It was amazing!  On the last day there, I went to a spice farm and discovered that vanilla is the second most expensive spice in the world and that anything vanilla flavored that I have eaten in my life is likely not really real vanilla.

On the way there, I took a flight by myself since I didn't book tickets with any of the other five colleagues who attended. I flew through Cairo and was super fortunate (?) to have a long layover (I concluded that the airline does it on purpose).  I took a tour of the city and saw the Nile River, the pyramids, the sphinx, a perfume factory, and was able to shower, and have a nice dinner.  All this cost me only 30 dollars American.  It has been a dream of mine since high school to get to the Nile and the pyramids, so that was AMAZING!!

Happy New Year!!

Dream come true - accidentally!!

View from the beach on the
coast of Goa, India

Mehndi on my hand for friend's wedding

Me at the spice farm

March Photo-a-Day: Week 4

Last photos of the month.  Prompts by Fat Mum Slim.

March 26 - Something you did

26. When I walked through a new area of the Bronx, I saw these.  I love that mannequins are full figured, now.

March 27 - Pair

27. Went to a open-house of sorts for Girls Who Code - computer coding training for high school girls trying to get them to go into computer science fields.  These hs girls from last summer made some awesome apps, programs, and video games.  One pair made an app that helps disabled people find subway entrances, and facilities that are accessible.  Another pair made an app that helps people tell homeless people where the nearest soup kitchens and shelters are located.  Another pair made an app that lets you input the flavors of food you desire and it spits out the nearby restaurants that will match your tastes.

March 28 - In the mirror

28. I was happy to see my family and friends in St. Louis, I was also really happy to be reunited with my car in St. Louis for the extended weekend.  So nice.  And the weather was amazing - I was able to open the roof and put the windows down and see myself smile in the mirror.

March 29 - Goodnight

29. I don't watch tv in NYC.  I watch Scandal online on Saturdays.  It was nice to watch some tv in StL.  I watched a lot of House Hunters and caught some of the History Channel special The Bible that I kept seeing people talk about - good nights of tv watching.

March 30 - Relax

30. It was really nice to be able to get to easily accessible parks while in StL.  This was Forest Park by the Art Museum.  I went to a park three times over four days in town and did some running with fresh, clean air and not a lot of people around.  Relaxing.  If you look closely, you can still see the leftover snowmen that were made four days before my arrival to town on the hill.

March 31 - Stuff

31. The weather was amazing in StL.  Especially considering that it had snowed over 12" four days before I arrived.  The temperature reading in the car said this when I got in, but settled to about 69 while I was driving around doing stuff.

February Photo-a-Day: Week two & three

Two weeks worth of photos with prompts by Fat Mum Slim.

February 5 - Something you smelled

5. The amount of funk that some ballerinas produced in the studio prior to my fitness class was unbelievable! Even from the lobby, shown here, you could smell them when they opened the door. I thought ballet people were supposed to smell dainty and like flowers and candy.

February 6 - Soft

6. My first pairs of non-white/black socks ever.  I decided to go pretty bright.

February 7 - Your name

7. This sandwich had my name written all over it at lunchtime!!

February 8 - Something orange

8. I think this place might be selling the mannequins, but I'm not sure.  The orange coloring and the provocative poses always gets my attention, though.

February 9 - Guilty pleasure

9. Didn't really feel guilty eating these, but it was a pleasure.

February 10 - 3 o'clock

10. Snow did not fall as much in Manhattan as it did in Long Island, but it was enough to shut some people down from wanting to clear their cars.

February 11 - Entrance

11. Lost a pair on the way to work.  Replaced them with these peaceimages pieces that arrived in the mail on this day.  Love the!

January 12 - Where you ate lunch

12. I did not eat this for lunch but a student tried to sneak it into my classroom (freshly popped and aromas going all over the place) for her lunch.  I wrote more about it here.

February 13 - Walking

13. walking - I wrote this past week about how I may have caused a fire in the school.  Here is a picture of the front area where the fire happened.  I'm still trying to understand how the security people and the others in the front hallway did not contain the fire with the fire extinguisher right there (two doors from where the fire took place - as well as one in the room directly to the left of the fire location), or make some calls to people who could before it became to big and I had to stand outside for an hour with no coat and a thin-ass sweater before walking to another school who would be our safe-site.

14. love is - Sometimes love is something as simple as sharing a box of Nerds.

February 15 - Inside your fridge

15. Pretty bare until my Sunday (this week Tuesday since I didn't have to work) runs to Trader Joe's.

February 16 - Perfect

16. Great brunch with great people after a great workout.  Good times lasted well into the evening.

February 17 - In your hand

17. Friday at the end of the school day, I spilled some tea onto my laptop.  I started first aid on it that day and did surgery on it Saturday and Sunday by removing various keys and cleaning them several times.  I felt really technologically competent - especially after it still worked and all the keys went back on the correct spaces.

February 18 - Something you don't like

18. I was craving something sweet.  I couldn't think of what I wanted, so I bought these.  They are not tasty.  They are pretty disgusting.  Throughout the day, I ate three anyway.

January/February Photo-a-Day

January prompts and February prompts given by Fat Mum Slim.

January 28 - Through

28. Walking through Williamsburg in Brooklyn I saw this building.  Kind of weird how it looks old on the bottom, but has all that metal, modern stuff on the top.

January 29 - Grown

29. Last week, in my photos, I showed the printer that I had just bought, but was printing all black.  Clearly my grown-ass was too tired when I was hooking it up, because I failed to notice this large orange thing on the toner that clearly said "REMOVE".  The boif took it off, and it is now working perfectly.

January 30 - Down

30. I wore this cute pair of earrings to school on this day.  One of them didn't have the little earring-holder-in-place-thing and I lost it either on the subway to work or on the walk to work after getting off the subway.  It was so cold that I had my scarf wrapped and the hood of my coat on, and one of those likely knocked it out of my ear.  It fell down, and it couldn't get up.

January 31 - Yourself

31. Field trip for some of the girls at school.  It was for a Kotex deal that helps empower girls by helping them feel more comfortable talking about their bodies and helps them learn the truth about different misconceptions.  School bus strike meant that there were no school buses to transport us to NYU.  The next option was a charter bus.  Issue was that the other charters were all used.  Next option was this.  A party bus.  Didn't know that would be the transportation until I stepped in and the driver explained.  I never pictured myself riding in one of these for a school trip - or having to regularly tell the girls not to touch or take photos next to the poles.  Got to see Khloe Kardashian at the event, too.

February

1 - Fork

1. I bought a ready made potato and steak frozen bag, then decided to try it on my own with fresh food.  So far, I can still make some improvements to make the potatoes a bit more crisp, but all in all, not a bad thing to pick up with my fork and eat.

2- Pattern

2. Many times, me and the boif crack each other up.  This day was no exception.  He took a patterned plastic bag from a store and made a pair of speedos out of them.  Hilarious!

3 - Something beginning with e

3. It is still too cold to function well outside in NYC.  I saw this lady wearing some earmuffs, and had to ask her about them.  She said they are called Earbags.  They fit around your ear so you don't have that band that comes with regular earmuffs.  I love them!

4 - Hope

4. This guy sings in the passageway between the L and 1/2/3 trains almost every day.  Every day, he is singing Beetles songs.  Every time I pass by he is singing one of three of the group's songs.  Most of the time it is "Help!"  I sometimes hope that he will sing a different song, but he always seems so happily out of tune, that I just leave him be.

Semi-Wordless Wednesday: Greetings

I'm so in love with this right now.   At first I thought it was going to be a sappy engagement thing, but it is so much better than that.

Imagine this type of greeting when you return from a tiring trip somewhere!

It actually made my no-longer-tough-ass almost shed a tear.

January Photo-a-day: Week 3

Photo-a-day challenge.  Prompts by Fat Mum Slim.

January 14 - Something yellow

14. Poetry on the subway.  "Like hot food/ I love you/ like warm/ bread & cold/ cuts, butter/ sammiches/ or, days later, after/ Thanksgiving/ when I want/ whatever's left" Kevin Young 1970.  I love the yellow colors and how it goes with the yellow seats on the train.

January 15 - An ordinary moment

15. I know, I know.  Last week, I harped on how much weight I've put on.  But one of my keys to taking it off it to not limit myself from the occasional treat.  I wanted ice cream, so I had some.  Then I went to my exercise class just a couple hours later.  It was delicious.  It was a nice, ordinary moment.  Hadn't had ice cream since fall; I got a small cup and only filled it a little over halfway.

January 16 - Two things

16. First thing, my new workout bag is perfect for carrying my clothes on those days when I go straight from school to workout.  It is also good as a purse. I didn't bring any to NYC and am tired of carrying my backpack around everywhere I go.
The second thing is a look at the nasty-ass pipes in the kitchen.  The one on the right started leaking.  I called the super, he didn't come for two weeks.  Called him again after two weeks when the pipe became completely dislocated from the top part of the pipe.  He fixed it by reattaching it.  I guess it was too much to hope that he would replace the whole pipe system.

January 17 - Ready

17. Here I am getting ready to go into my workout class.

January 18 - Shadow

18. Walking through Union Square on the way home.  Lots of shadows as the sun starts to set.

January 19 - Delicious

19. These are delicious, low-cal, and a nice crunch.  Not super filling, though, so don't know if I will keep getting them.

January 20 - Something you saw

20. Saw this on the way to Trader Joe's and sent the image to Kid Sis #1.  She has her adorable puppy to take care of and this is an easy way to get the things she needs and wants for her.  Why don't I ever come up with these cool ideas?!