Grandpa

I was blessed with 4 grandparents when I was born.  My paternal grandfather died when I was young. I only know him through pictures and tales I heard about him at the time of his death.  Amazing stories, firsts, feats, and greatness.  My paternal grandmother I knew in person.  My first name is hers.  I sometimes feel like I remember her voice, but I definitely remember her smile.  And her hands.  For some reason, I remember her hands.

From a young age, the family began traveling to Nigeria for summers or for the Christmas holiday.  I began to know my maternal grandparents more and more as I grew.  Both of them also visited StL pretty regularly, too.

I will never forget watching episodes of Jerry Springer with Grandma and her turning to me to ask, “What does ‘nahmee’ mean? Took me a while, but, I finally figured out that she was referring to the slang drawls of people saying (never really using it as a question) “You know what I mean?”

I don’t remember how the nickname started, but my grandpa always referred to me as Ada-Potato-Ada-Potata. I loved it.  I loved having a nickname that he anointed me with and that he called me and that some of my aunts and uncles started to call me, too.

My grandfather was really incredible.  I mean that.  It is unbelievable some of the things he has accomplished in his life!  If you don’t believe me, read at the Vanguard, or on this blog.

Even when I was small, I was impressed by how in awe so many people in the village were of him.  It was like he was a celebrity.  I wanted to know why.  I learned that he was a judge – the first judge to come from his village.  He not only became a judge, he became really big and handled some really big cases.  This was impressive even to me - a child of a lawyer.  I mean, how many people have a grandpa who was a classmate of Margaret Thatcher in school?

I cherished hearing him tell tales of his times in England when he visited us in the States and we could take up all of his attention without others around as it tended to be in Ohafia.

At the same time, I loved seeing him in his element at home – more and more often in more casual wrappers and undershirts as he got older.  Not in suits and ties and judges robes any more, but still looking distinguished at all times.

Over the summer, news reached me that he was growing ill.

My first thoughts were about how it had been so long since I’d seen him.  Then I went to thinking about how I needed to immediately buy my tickets to Nigeria for December 2014 so that I could visit him and Granny.

Each new message from my mom about her father was a little more unsettling.  

I barely slept all summer thinking of him.  Hearing his voice.   Hearing him say my nickname.  Seeing him on his balcony entertaining guests.

At the beginning of August I found out that my big brother was going to Naija with his fiancée and my mom.  I jumped on that trip real quickly.  It would coincide with the end of summer school that I was teaching. 

After tickets were bought, knowing I was going on that trip and would see him again gave me my first decent night’s sleep in a really long time.  I was going to get to see him again.  We had word that he was eating again. My aunts even were sending pictures of him sitting up and looking alert.  Much thinner than Grandpa I had seen 6 years before, but still alert and smiling.

Six years.  How had I let it go that long without getting to Nigeria?

I had a train to DC scheduled for the last day of summer school; I’d meet bro and Slaw (my loving name for my one and only almost-sister-in-law) and Mom and then the next day we would fly to see Grandpa, Granny, and the rest of the family.

During an end of school year staff meeting, I missed a call from my mother.  I called back as I walked out the door on my way to the subway that conveniently was right outside the school. I was on my way to get home, pick up my suitcase, and head to Penn Station for my train.

Very calmly and almost like she was just stating facts like that I am her daughter and my skin is brown, she said, “We were too late.”  She went on to say more, but at that moment, those four words shook me to my core.  My heart literally seemed to skip a beat which caused my lungs to not inhale and for me to stop walking and lean against the side ledge by the school. 

How could we be too late?  How did our quick, perfect plan to see him one last more time before IT happened not work out?

I listened to details about how he had passed on with Granny right by his side.  I think that at first this gave me some relief, but then that relief turned to fear that maybe since he died in his sleep she had not been able to say a proper goodbye to her life partner of 60+ years.

Even though the subway stop was less than 20 meters from where I leaned, I took a walk.  I walked and I walked.  I passed two more subway stations.   I just kept walking.  I cried as I walked – at first I hoped that my large sunglasses and the fact that it is NYC and crazy stuff is seen all the time on the streets would keep me inconspicuous.  Then I stopped carrying and just kept crying on my walk.  I got on a train. I cried on the train.  I had to transfer to another train and cried on the platform while I waited and then cried some more on the next train and on the walk up to my apartment.

Bawled so hard.

I tried to stop so I could give the news to the boif that the suitcase I packed so immaculately sitting in the middle of the living room would not be put to use for that last visit, but I could barely get any words out.  I stuttered through my words as tears choked my voice.

The family cancelled the trip that day. They had already cancelled the flight before I received The Call.

We wanted to transfer the flights to whenever the funeral would take place.  That is something I don’t want to miss.

That suitcase stayed in the middle of the living room floor for almost two weeks.  Taking items out and moving the case would mean that it was really real. Grandpa was really gone. 

As weeks have gone by it has sunk in more and more that it is the end of an era.  Despite that he is gone, I continue to learn more and more about my Grandfather and to become even more and more impressed by his professional accolades and his dedication to his village town.

I also continue to burst into tears at random times and in random places when I think of him, hear his voice, or see him either in my memory or in pictures.

I know he was older and older people – and all people – have to die.

I also know that he has influenced my life in so many ways.

Since I was small, I have wanted to live in a home with a balcony in the front (or at least a front porch area large enough for many chairs) so I can people watch and also so that people can see me as people saw Grandpa and just stop by for a visit.  I have only thrice succeeded in garnering an apartment with a balcony, but they are never substantial and are always in neighborhoods not conducive to walk-bys. 

I have not been able to have an open-door policy with my home, but do so with the same welcoming spirit as my grandfather with my classroom.

Because Grandpa was so educated and spoke with such clarity, I have pushed to learn more and more.  Each day I push to either use my word-of-the-day dictionary app to learn a new word, read various types of articles and books, or watch educational, eclectic, informative shows and movies on tv.

I remember how much pride it gave me when my parents and siblings would say I was teaching someone in the house something new each day; the joy I felt when my father was so impressed that his non-medical school daughter understood and could explain medical terminology and concepts; I loved being there when my mother and her lawyer colleagues were shocked and awed by my legal knowledge at a legal trivia night; I enjoy shocking my students when they ask their social studies teacher if they can go see the math teacher for help and I am able to help them with their problems.

I do it all to honor ALL of my grandparents.

It took me a long time to put pen to paper to write about my grandfather. Each time, I would try to try to even THINK of what I wanted to say, my thoughts would get jumbled.  I would start to cry so hard that it was purposeless to try to create this.  I am glad I have finally done so – this creation was not without tears, just like all of my thoughts of him and of my family that I don’t see enough and don’t talk with enough.

I know that death is an inevitable side effect of making it out of a womb.

I also know that I need to do a better job of living.

I need to stay in contact more with people I care about.

I need to share more of my life and my ideas and my feelings and my talents and more me with people.

I need to laugh more and smile more and make others laugh and smile more.

I need to listen more.

I need to do what I want to do more.

I need to be in the moment more.

I need to live more.

I need to continue hearing Grandpa’s voice in my head telling Ada-Potato to honor him and all my predecessors by being generous and kind and loving – just like him.

I want to inspire people

Yesterday night, I saw a FB post by a friend about inspiration.

It made me really hope that I can inspire people in my life - students, family, friends, even strangers that I just do random acts of kindness toward.

A few minutes after I saw this and was thinking of how I hope I inspire people, I saw an email notification on my school email.

At first, I was going to ignore it since I don't like to do work emails on the weekend and it was around 11pm on a Friday night.

However, I saw the sender, and it was a student.  I always look at those since there may be something wrong and I want to make sure the students are ok and don't need any help.  It was from a student who has struggled at the school for three years.  Had a child two years ago, didn't do too well last year, and at the start of this year, when she became one of my students, she was skipping school a lot.

The past few months, she has been on top of her game.  She has turned in all of her work, some even early, and is passing the class.  She also took part in the school's first open-mic night that I helped sponsor, and the school's first guitar concert where she played one of my favorite Stevie Wonder songs ("Isn't She Lovely").

Yesterday morning, she came by my room before school and I told her how I had really loved her performance and told her the history of that song and why Stevie Wonder wrote it.  I also told her how much I love that she is doing well in school at this point.

I was shocked to get an email from her so late, so immediately went to read it.

It almost made me cry.

I always try to greet the kids into my class with a smile and a warm welcome to Global or welcome to Social Studies or welcome to room 412 or some other happy welcome greeting.  I don't ever really think about it making a difference, but I do love to see the kids smile back and some of them walk over to my door without a smile, but begin to smile or at least snicker at my giddiness when they see me and hear my greeting.

It is always hard as a teacher to realize when you make a difference in a child's life, but it feels great to know that it is so.

I guess I am an inspiration to some, just as I had hoped I was just a few minutes before seeing this email.

Makes me really love my job - especially in these last days as I have been stressed with end of year Regents Exam preparations.

Six Month+ update

I haven't written a real blog post since last June - that is over six months ago.

Here's a quick recap of what has happened.

I went overseas with 12 students, four mothers, and two other teachers in the end of June into the first week of July.  We went to France (Paris, Nice), Monacco, Italy (Piza, Florence, Rome, Vatican City).

Me getting into my new
car while in Monaco

It was an awesome experience - my first time in Europe beside stopping through airports.

The kids were great, the mothers irksome - one of them even had the nerve to tell me and another teacher that teaching is easy and that planning and organizing the trip was easy.  It took everything in me to not go off on her.  She also was perpetually late and even had a male guest stay in her hotel room in Paris one night (she shared a room with another mother).

Hotel window view each morning
a small town in Italy

There was a student on the trip who had body odor issues so much that other students, though they tried to be nice to her, got to the point where they did not want to room with her.  Her clothes and body smelled so much that we had to have an intervention. She was only in 6th grade, so perhaps did not understand the body changes and the need for proper cleansing and deodorant.  We teachers taught her how to thoroughly wash her body in the shower.  That did not help, so we teachers then had to wash her clothes in three sinks, a shower, and a bidet one night.  It took us about four hours and so much soap and detergent.  The smell was so revolting and our hands smelled like it for days.  She had been putting her wet towels back into her suitcase each day (we would travel most days).  She had her own towel that was the most revolting, mildewy, molded, disgusting thing I have ever smelled.  She didn't want us to wash it since the smell reminded her of her dad.  I had to walk out of the room when she said that.

Despite my promise to myself when I started teaching 10 years ago that I would never do so, I taught summer school last summer.  Living in NYC is expensive and I wanted to see what it was like. I only taught the second half of the course since another teacher taught the first half.  It wasn't too bad, though the commute was super far each day.

My sister who lived in NYC with me moved to Houston where another sister lives leaving me here in the big city with just the boif as the immediate family.

Perhaps you remember the heat
wave, summer 2013. It was so hot,
I looked like I was lactating.

I moved into a new apartment.  No longer in Harlem. Now just inside the Bronx close to Yankee's Stadium.  What a difference an apartment makes.  The last place was so horrible that I didn't even buy furniture for the living room. Now I have a nice place that is modern, clean, and the floors do not squeak incessantly.  I have bought a couch, I can watch tv, I got Roku, I use the living room for more than a storage place for my yoga mat.  I live in peace - though people in the Bronx have a problem of playing their music really loud at all hours of the day and night.  There are also no convenient places to buy simple food items that don't cost an arm and a leg and the 4 train is slower than dirt compared with the 2/3 that I used to be able to take.

I experienced the hottest summer ever in life.  My sister, her two 1/2 kids, and my brother came to visit NYC for a few days this summer as did my parents for a conferences.  It was nice to see them all.

Kid Sis #2's Kid #2 - So cute!

My parents have decided to move out of our childhood home that they have lived in for over 25 years.  I got to go into it a last time and say goodbye to the memories from there. I also was able to go through old items that I have been storing there such as pictures and track awards and memorabilia.

I got to spend a weekend in the summer with Kid Sis #3.  We went to the Lake of the Ozarks, almost got lost in the-land-where-no-black-people-want-to-get-lost, found our way to the resort, and had a great time. I parasailed for the first time ever, went jetskiing, and went ziplining for the first time ever.  It was so fun and so awesome to get to do so with my youngest sister.

School started back in September.  I am teaching the same classes as well as a zero period computer science class.  Those early mornings are getting to me and making me super tired Monday through Thursday. I love Fridays since I get to sleep later.

Picture I saved from the parent's house
before their move - me as a toddler.

I feel more competent in the classroom this year, but am still working hard planning more and doing better things in the classroom than ever before.

Kid Sis #3's newest son trying on
his mother's wig.  SO CUTE!!

Kid Sis #2 had her third baby late last year - the third boy.  I am looking forward to meeting him in person.

My students at school are great! (Most days)  I had one student bring me some bugs to taste after we practiced reading strategies on an article that talked about edible critters and I said that I wanted to taste some and see what they were like. I tasted them.  They were not bad.  I felt like I channeled my inner Andrew Zimmern.

I feel closer to the teachers at school and for the first time since working at my first StL school, find that I can actually call more than a small hand full of my colleagues my friends.

I went to India to attend a colleague's wedding in December.  It was the first time in eons that I have had a vacation that was truly a vacation.  I had a blast and want to go back to Goa.  It was beautiful and not anything like most of what is seen about India.  We performed a dance for the bride that reenacted the relationship of her and her husband from their first meeting, to their first date, to their engagement where he did a flash mob dance for her.  I felt like I was in a Bollywood production. It was amazing!  On the last day there, I went to a spice farm and discovered that vanilla is the second most expensive spice in the world and that anything vanilla flavored that I have eaten in my life is likely not really real vanilla.

On the way there, I took a flight by myself since I didn't book tickets with any of the other five colleagues who attended. I flew through Cairo and was super fortunate (?) to have a long layover (I concluded that the airline does it on purpose).  I took a tour of the city and saw the Nile River, the pyramids, the sphinx, a perfume factory, and was able to shower, and have a nice dinner.  All this cost me only 30 dollars American.  It has been a dream of mine since high school to get to the Nile and the pyramids, so that was AMAZING!!

Happy New Year!!

Dream come true - accidentally!!

View from the beach on the
coast of Goa, India

Mehndi on my hand for friend's wedding

Me at the spice farm

Photo-a-Day: April week one

Week one of April.  Prompts provided by Fat Mum Slim.

April 1 - Play

1. Whenever I see this store, I think of the show "Felicity".  I loved that show, even when she did the big chop of her hair.

April 2 - Blue

2. Blue sky during a ride back to Manhattan from BK.

April 3 - Something beginning with an a

3. When I see this sign each morning on the way to work, I think of a friend from years past named Graham.  He was Awesome with a capital A.

April 4 - This happened today

4. Women in the World Summit 2013.  Amazing experience.  Amazing interviews.  Amazing people presented.  So many wonderful stories that moved me and the students we was able to take.  Please click the link to learn more about the organization.  Yes, that is Angelina Jolie, Meryl Streep, and more in that picture.  Yes, I was in the orchestra section on the first day.  And, again, yes, it was amazing.

April 5 - Something good

5. On the second day of Women in the World, I sat at this table during a break.  The flowers on all the tables were real.  I was amazed.  It was beautiful.

April 6 - Air

6. This sign (and similar ones) can be seen on the subways and bus stops throughout the city.  Not sure what I think about them.  The first time I saw it I let out a lot of air in a huge sigh.

April 7 - Dreamy

7. For a second, I thought I was dreaming as I walked by a trash area in NYC and saw this scarecrow. I thought they were farm staples... I guess that's not the only place they can be of use.

March Photo-a-Day: Week 4

Last photos of the month.  Prompts by Fat Mum Slim.

March 26 - Something you did

26. When I walked through a new area of the Bronx, I saw these.  I love that mannequins are full figured, now.

March 27 - Pair

27. Went to a open-house of sorts for Girls Who Code - computer coding training for high school girls trying to get them to go into computer science fields.  These hs girls from last summer made some awesome apps, programs, and video games.  One pair made an app that helps disabled people find subway entrances, and facilities that are accessible.  Another pair made an app that helps people tell homeless people where the nearest soup kitchens and shelters are located.  Another pair made an app that lets you input the flavors of food you desire and it spits out the nearby restaurants that will match your tastes.

March 28 - In the mirror

28. I was happy to see my family and friends in St. Louis, I was also really happy to be reunited with my car in St. Louis for the extended weekend.  So nice.  And the weather was amazing - I was able to open the roof and put the windows down and see myself smile in the mirror.

March 29 - Goodnight

29. I don't watch tv in NYC.  I watch Scandal online on Saturdays.  It was nice to watch some tv in StL.  I watched a lot of House Hunters and caught some of the History Channel special The Bible that I kept seeing people talk about - good nights of tv watching.

March 30 - Relax

30. It was really nice to be able to get to easily accessible parks while in StL.  This was Forest Park by the Art Museum.  I went to a park three times over four days in town and did some running with fresh, clean air and not a lot of people around.  Relaxing.  If you look closely, you can still see the leftover snowmen that were made four days before my arrival to town on the hill.

March 31 - Stuff

31. The weather was amazing in StL.  Especially considering that it had snowed over 12" four days before I arrived.  The temperature reading in the car said this when I got in, but settled to about 69 while I was driving around doing stuff.

March Photo-a-Day: Week 2

Photo prompts given by Fat Mum Slim.

March 12 - In the distance

12. Saw this woman on the subway.  Kind of looks homeless-ish/disheveled, though more colourful and wearing Beats headphones - which I still don't understand why even the small ones are close to or over 100 dollars American.  Not homeless-ish.  Just eclectic and adventurous - as seen often in NYC.

March 13 - Sound

13. A cappella group from Rochester University came to sing for the 9th graders.  I had one of the free rooms before they performed since I was on my prep, so as I graded, I was fortunate to hear them warming up... especially since I don't teach 9th and didn't get to hear the actual performance.

March 14 - Tasty

14. Found a new place to get lunch on days when I don't bring in my own. I had the delicious, yet comically named "Breast Munchies" and might switch it up next time by trying the also comically named "Breast Rider" (without onions).

March 15 - Explore

15. In an effort to help the girls at school see women doing jobs that might typically be predominantly male, and to help them get ideas about what they want to do once they finish school, the school hosts Cool Women, Hot Jobs - 80+ women talking about what they do and how they got there.  Awesome.  When it was complete, I started to question myself about my job... there were so many awesome ones out there.

March 16 - 9 o'clock

16. This week was really full, exciting, and draining.  I did Doonya three nights, went to a Doonya DVD launch party on Thursday (not getting home until midnight then getting back up at 4:30 for school), worked to get student work graded before Friday since it was the end of the marking period, and chaperoned a dance on Friday evening.  Good times, little rest.  So on Saturday, at 9:00, I was still in bed.  Took this photo at around 9:20 when I forced myself to get up.

March 17 - Green

17. I'm not one to celebrate St. Patrick's day, but did where green because my current go-to scarf is this circle scarf that is so warm and comfy and wonderful and I love it and want to wear it all the time.  I also found out on that day that the same saint is the patron saint of Nigeria.  So next year, I have to remember to get some sort of "Kiss me, I'm Nigerian" shirt.

March 18 - Shoes

18. One thing I enjoy about rainy/snowy days is that I get to wear my rain boots.  They are different from the typical black, and I like that.

January/February Photo-a-Day

January prompts and February prompts given by Fat Mum Slim.

January 28 - Through

28. Walking through Williamsburg in Brooklyn I saw this building.  Kind of weird how it looks old on the bottom, but has all that metal, modern stuff on the top.

January 29 - Grown

29. Last week, in my photos, I showed the printer that I had just bought, but was printing all black.  Clearly my grown-ass was too tired when I was hooking it up, because I failed to notice this large orange thing on the toner that clearly said "REMOVE".  The boif took it off, and it is now working perfectly.

January 30 - Down

30. I wore this cute pair of earrings to school on this day.  One of them didn't have the little earring-holder-in-place-thing and I lost it either on the subway to work or on the walk to work after getting off the subway.  It was so cold that I had my scarf wrapped and the hood of my coat on, and one of those likely knocked it out of my ear.  It fell down, and it couldn't get up.

January 31 - Yourself

31. Field trip for some of the girls at school.  It was for a Kotex deal that helps empower girls by helping them feel more comfortable talking about their bodies and helps them learn the truth about different misconceptions.  School bus strike meant that there were no school buses to transport us to NYU.  The next option was a charter bus.  Issue was that the other charters were all used.  Next option was this.  A party bus.  Didn't know that would be the transportation until I stepped in and the driver explained.  I never pictured myself riding in one of these for a school trip - or having to regularly tell the girls not to touch or take photos next to the poles.  Got to see Khloe Kardashian at the event, too.

February

1 - Fork

1. I bought a ready made potato and steak frozen bag, then decided to try it on my own with fresh food.  So far, I can still make some improvements to make the potatoes a bit more crisp, but all in all, not a bad thing to pick up with my fork and eat.

2- Pattern

2. Many times, me and the boif crack each other up.  This day was no exception.  He took a patterned plastic bag from a store and made a pair of speedos out of them.  Hilarious!

3 - Something beginning with e

3. It is still too cold to function well outside in NYC.  I saw this lady wearing some earmuffs, and had to ask her about them.  She said they are called Earbags.  They fit around your ear so you don't have that band that comes with regular earmuffs.  I love them!

4 - Hope

4. This guy sings in the passageway between the L and 1/2/3 trains almost every day.  Every day, he is singing Beetles songs.  Every time I pass by he is singing one of three of the group's songs.  Most of the time it is "Help!"  I sometimes hope that he will sing a different song, but he always seems so happily out of tune, that I just leave him be.

January photo-a-day: Week 1

January Photo-a-Day.  Prompts provided by Fat Mum Slim.

January 1 - Today

1. I had a pretty chill day to start off the year.  I slept in, ate some cereal and then jumped into this book for most of the day.  It is the novel form of one of my favorite movies of the same title.  It came back into the media when Hunger Games came out because people compared Hunger Games to Battle Royale.  I have not seen Hunger Games, but LOVED this book.  I thought the movie was great, but the book (like most times) was WAYYYYYY better.  I finished all 600+ pages in a few days.  First book I've read since mid-summer.  I am hungry for more great reading.

January 2 - Something new

2. After school, I headed over to the Wall Street.  The boo has been telling me how incredibly small the streets are in this area for years.  I understood, but didn't really get it until I was actually there.  It is unbelievable to me how the streets can be so small that only one car can fit and the buildings so incredibly tall that I couldn't even get them in a picture.  How were they built?  How did they fit the construction equipment?  This was really something new that I cannot get over.

January 3 - Heart

3. My boo fills my heart with love.  He knows that I don't like to be hungry and can get irritable if I get too hungry.  He had a stash of candy bars, little breath mints, and cookies from work.  I told him I didn't need any, but when I left for school the next morning, I felt this in my pocket as I reached for my keys. I really needed a nice snack that day, too.

January 4 - The view from here

4. I had never had a view of so many suits as in this store where the boo was picking up and getting fitted for a new suit.  I didn't even know that there were different ways you could have the pant leg sit on your shoes.

January 5 - Movement

5. Since winter break, I have gotten back into my exploration of NYC.  I went to Zuccotti Park - home of the Occupy Wall Street Movement.  It was empty, with a few people on the far side doing something, but it was still pretty amazing to picture all of the people who camped out their for days and days and weeks trying to get their message heard.

January 6 - Mine

6. On the last day before winter break, I was in the teachers' lounge area getting the breakfast the staff had provided for us.  On one of the tables as I helped set up some gift cards they gave us, was this container.  I have wanted something to lick envelopes for me for years - I even said so out loud   (Not that I mail that many things, but, here, I have the rent payment to mail each month - never done that before, usually a drop off location - plus a few other bills and bank things.) When I was leaving school for the break, I stopped in the mail box room and saw this sitting in my mailbox.  Now, it is mine.  Not sure who put it there, but it is amazing.  I used it on Sunday to close some envelopes and my tongue was so happy to not have to taste the nasty adhesive.  I'm pretty sure I remember a time in my childhood when the sticky stuff tasted like candy and not the underside of a city-walker's shoe... or maybe I'm imagining that.