I don't argue with collection agencies

I called the collection agency yesterday. 

This was after calling the apartment people on Monday.

The apartment manager could give me no information.  She claimed that she only works there some days and had to look at my file.  She said that it didn't make sense that the complex had not tried to contact me about anything I may have owed.

The collection agency was a different story all together.

The lady on the phone answered and started talking as though she was out to get someone.

I remained calm.  I had made a list/script of what I wanted to say.

Before I could get all of it out, the lady was interrupting me and telling me that I had no case; that I had broken a lease, and despite that the complex did not put in writing that I would owe something after only staying there 5 months (the lease had provisions for if you were there 7 or more months) that I "should have known that I would owe something since [I] broke the lease agreement."

I tried to inquire about a few other issues I was not clear about - why they went straight to a collection agency rather than talk with me, why none of this was in writing, where exactly the numerical value I owed came from.

But she interrupted me again and told me that the complex had every right to charge me what ever and that I was lucky they were not charging me for a full year of rent.  She said they did not have to go through any channels to contact me beside going straight to a collection agency.

At this point, I asked her to calm down since she was almost yelling at me in her harsh tone.  She said she was not getting upset.  I told her that I was speaking to her calmly and would like to calmly get answers to my questions.  I asked her to let me finish all of my questions so I was clear.  I asked her to stop interrupting me.  I let her know that I never said I did not owe the complex money, I had been willing to pay another month before I left.  I let her know that I was just trying to understand the charges and how the process worked for my case.

At that point, she seemed to calm down and stop trying to antagonize me.

She allowed me to finish my questions, answered them, and then said that if I could pay that day, she would take off a few hundred dollars off of the charge and make sure that it did not go on my credit report.

I did that.

Now I have to make sure they only take the amount of money agreed upon and that this really doesn't go onto my credit report.  I trust her company about as much as I trust a politician.

I stayed calm and patient the entire 14:33 second phone call.

Once I hung up the phone, I literally started tearing up and cried for about 2 minutes.  It was a mixture of the stress of the call and trying not to return the rudeness of that woman, the relief of being done with the situation, and the anger at having to shell out so much money after I am finally starting to build some reserves again, along with a long day of teaching.

I can tell a lie

One of the prompts for this month's NaBloPoMo was, "How good are you at telling a lie?"

I'm damn good.

I have a face that can tell people anything and because I can hold my affect constant, people cannot tell whether I am telling the truth or not.

Just  the other day, a colleague asked me if I wanted to join her for an activity that was a pretty exciting venture.  When I told her yes, she wasn't sure if I was saying yes because I wanted to really do the activity or because I felt cornered into doing it.  I had to convince her that I was genuine.

A few years back, I convinced a class of students that my first name was actually spelled something like this: 90.7sqwvsoind.  I was able to get them to believe that my parents were hippy-ish and named me that because they wanted me to remember their favorite radio station call numbers.

Even during the years when colleagues who did not know me thought I was a high school student, I was able to convince students that I was actually 54.  I had them believing that healthy eating, Dove soap, and regular exercise were the keys to good, smooth skin.

Besides these things, I can convince people that I am doing fine when my mind is actually in turmoil.

The day after my horrible hair cut, I convinced the people at work that I liked it and actually believed their compliments (which came moments after the shocked questioning of why I cut all my hair off).

I just have that way about me.

I should have gone into acting.

I've been told that on many occasions and wish I had pursued it in my younger years.

But, I guess, with teaching, I get to perform each day, too.  I get to convince the kids about the history stories  they learn, I get to try and convince them that the break up with their sig-oth is not the end of the world.  I get to help them become enthusiastic about the basic things we do in class - even when I think they are mundane.  Just the other day, I was able to get the kids to create a rap song (beat included) that is basically just reciting what they are to do a the start of class.

Today, I'm joining a link-up with Papa is a Preacher.

Headaches and hair

It's Tuesday.

It's dreary.  It's colder than I have suitable clothes for, and I have a headache.  Only thing worse will be if it starts to rain on me on the walk to the train and then to the apartment.

But, I will put on a mask and make people think I am ok as I head home to try and figure out what to do with my hair.  Looking in the mirror for two hours last night did not produce any ideas for improvement.

Luckily, people at school were really nice and said nothing mean about me.

I actually started to wonder about their sanity as I was actually complimented during each period and before school by students and teachers.  I guess people are really nicer than I tend to imagine.

Pinning emotions

As I have gotten older, I have become more emotional about almost anything.  Today, we saw a video about the network of schools I work for and I almost teared up.  (Fortunately, I had watched it prior to the public showing and actually shed several tears, so I was prepared to hold them in this time.)

The school does a pinning ceremony where they "officially" welcome each child into their new grade at the start of each school year.  Today was the day for that.

I pinned the students in my Advisory (kind of like homeroom), hugged the ones that asked for a hug and then went to the back of the auditorium to find one of my other advisees.

She has been in in-school suspension the last two days and was not allowed to be a part of the pinning ceremony with the other girls.

When I went to the back row of the auditorium, I pinned her and told her welcome to the 8th grade and that she is going to be like a butterfly just like the pin on her lapel.

I didn't think too much of it, but later today, the Dean of Students came to me to tell me that the girl was so excited and proud that I had sought her out even though she was in the back of the auditorium and pinned her.

When the Dean told me this, I almost cried.  Of course, I had to wear the mask of calmness and not let her know that it was touching me so, but I did tell her that I was really proud of the student and thankful that she shared that story with me.

I think about it now and how proud she was and how I want her to feel proud of herself so that she stops starting trouble that it makes me almost teary-eyed even writing this.

Being a teacher has some really great moments.

I've become a (slightly) terrified teacher

When I saw Tim Gunn the other night, one of the things he talked about was how he was offered a really great job with a company after he had started Project Runway and after he had already been on the administrative board with Parsons.

He told the man offering him the job that he couldn't take it because he was too busy with the show and with the release of his first book.  The man offering him the job said that he could keep the job open for him for after the show ends and after he is settled down a bit.

At that point, Gunn had to admit to the man that the real reason he could not take the job was because he was absolutely terrified of taking on the role.

The man told him that he would not be offering him the job if he was not going to be terrified.

Gunn went on to talk about how he is still slightly terrified at his jobs and when he does various things in his life.

If you had asked me a couple years ago - really, even last year - if there were moments when I teach that I am terrified, I would say, "Hell, no!"

My classroom.
I finally have windows (4 big ones)
and they are bigger than 8" wide!!

But when he talked about this, I realized that there have been moments this school year when I have been standing in the hall during passing time and been a bit nervous about the coming class, about what I was going to be doing and if it would work.

I have never experienced this.

As I sat smiling as I listened to the great words of Tim Gunn (he said he was "ebullient"- how cool is his vocabulary?!), I mulled over why I am nervous this year of my teaching.

It is partly because I am teaching in a new state, partly because I am teaching in a school unlike any I have been in, partly because I am teaching the first group in the school that will take a state exam in social studies, and mostly because I am really challenging myself because of these things.

I have never spent so much time prepping for classes - even in my first year of teaching.  I have never felt like I really understood and could make the students understand what they are doing and why.

I have always been able to help students understand content - even had many each year tell me that my class is the first time they have passed social studies/history.  But this is different.

All this, and still make sure the delivery of content is interesting and not just me talking at the students.  I am really trying to make sure that everything is purposeful and that everything is working toward the mastery of standards and content.  

And that is a bit terrifying.  

After almost a decade of teaching, it is ok for me to be a little nervous about my lessons and for me to work really hard on lessons. 

I am still getting better. 

When you look good, they pay good?

I'm still really stoked that I got to see, meet, and take pictures with Tim Gunn.  He was really amazing.

One of the things he talked about that really resonated with me was his talk on being in NYC.  He moved here from DC in the early 80s.  He talked about how he got used to the way people dress and now can walk down the streets seeing everything, yet seeing nothing at the same time.

Gunn mentioned that he does not like telling people what to wear and what not to wear because he does not know their life situation - what they do, where they work, what they are comfortable in, what they are not comfortable in, how they move around, etc.  I thought that was an awesome thing to say.  I hate when people talk about an "it" piece because there is no piece that works for everyone's life.

He also said that you may see someone dressed like a circus clown, because maybe they are a circus clown!  He was so matter of fact with that statement that it really stuck with me.

We don't know what others are doing or going through, so we shouldn't judge their appearances.

He went on for a while about how people in NYC are able to wear what they want - you can hide in the city or you can be yourself no matter what that is.

This is so true.  In the short month plus since I have been here, I have already found items of clothing that I have seen others in that are totally me - that I would buy if and when I finally have some disposable income.

Took this shot one day alone on the subway.
Some days I just want to blend in when it is crowded,
other days I want to stand out.

There are times when I purposely try to stand out in the crowds as I walk - maybe a statement piece of jewelry, my hair done in a wild-natural manner, a loud pair of tights, etc.  Other times, I just want to walk to the train without someone asking me questions or commenting on how they think I look like I should model, or that they love my hair, or that they like my athletic (really? not much anymore) build.

On those days, my walk is slightly different, less confident strutting and more just walking.  I just want to blend in with the crowd.

I always want to look good, though.

I don't like Deion Sanders, the football player, but I heard him say something that has stuck in my head.

When you look good,
you feel good,
when you feel good,
you play good,
when you play good,
they pay good.

My pay is not based on how I play (teach, or do whatever), but I do find that on days when I dress better, I feel better.  Yesterday, I knew that it was going to be a tough day since I was tired from a late night with Tim Gunn, so I pulled out a cute outfit for work.  I felt better just putting it on.

When I look good (or at least feel like I look good), I feel good.  I love dressing in ways that make me feel confident.

Last night, I made it work

Ordinarily, I am pretty good at keeping a straight face.

Last night was a very big exception.

Last night... I heard, saw, met, briefly spoke with Tim Gunn.

He is such an amazing person!

I cannot even begin to express my awe for this man.  I think he is super cute and love how he tells people to "make it work" on Project Runway.  I love how he helps the cast members without putting them down, I love how he is just at peace with himself.

Last night, I was so giddy to hear him speak at the 92nd Street Y that I was literally smiling the entire time he was talking with Bud Mishkin.

I couldn't stop.

I love his large vocabulary (which makes me want to get a thesaurus and learn at least a new word each month - if not more).  I love that he said that he is "a sycophant of the written word," - that he says he gets emotional just thinking of different passages from some of his favorite books.  I love that when the group of lady teacher-colleagues I was with and I met him he talked about how he is kind of ashamed of having Webster's Dictionary downloaded (since it is not the best of the best of dictionaries), and that he is afraid to look at the 800+ words that have been added to the dictionary.

I love that he wrote a detailed book on the history of fashion items in your closet.  I read through a lot of the sections and love his comedic sense.

He told stories of Project Runway and judge deliberations, of his disgust that Mondo did not win his season.  He told stories of his father, of his mother, of his time at Woodstock, of where he got the suit he was wearing.  He was friendly the entire time... even as we were getting our books signed after 11.

I love that we both have a hate for capri pants.  They are so unattractive on most women (and men) that wear them.  He goes into detail about them in the book, too.  It is hilarious and they are hideous!

It was a late night - didn't get home until after 11:30 - but well worth the lack of sleep for the night.

I wear the mask that grins and lies

Even though I am busy, I have decided to put myself back into the blogging every day mode.  I made it all the way into the last part of August doing so and have dropped off since then only posting a few times a week.

To help me, I have signed up for NaBloPoMo October.  The theme for the month is masks and today's prompt was, "When you saw the word mask, was your first interpretation protection, covering up, persona, or performance?"

When I hear the word mask I always think of the Paul Laurence Dunbar poem, "We Wear the mask".

The poem was published in the late 1800s by him (an African American - or Negro as I think we were called at the time).  It is all about the struggles of people and how they tend to hide them from others.  I first read it back in high school and have loved it and really felt it since then at various points in my life and during different situations.

We Wear the MaskWe wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes, --
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties. 

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
        We wear the mask. 

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
        We wear the mask!

I love it!

That is what I do on so many occasions - hide what is really going on and put on a happy, or just a straight face that others can't read.

All this to say that my first impression after reading the theme for the month of October with BlogHer was hiding imperfections, protecting the image (I think) I have in the eyes of others, and making sure I always seem in control of situations.