Saturday Quote: What I'm not buying

World Trade Center Memorial visit

I'm not a sentimental person.

Though, as I get older, the rom-coms seem to get me teary-eyed, and sometimes, I see things that bring tears to my eye that I would have just laughed at years ago.

Yesterday, I braved the cold with my brother and went to the World Trade Center site.  We opted for the guided tour and I am glad we did, despite that it was about 35 degrees, I was not dressed for the weather, and the tour took 70 minutes outside in the cold.

It was a lot of great information that I had not known about the building, the day the attacks happened back in 2001, and some of the people who were first responders.   I also learned that all the trees on the current site represent a first responder who was killed.  There are about 100-200 that are not yet planted and will be once the people finish all of the buildings in the the trade center complex.  The missing trees are growing in New Jersey so that they will all be the same height as the ones already planted when they are placed in the garden area.

I love the wall - We have only one 'A'
and we have to decide where to place it -
W_r, or Pe_ce.

There is a beautiful memorial bronze piece just outside of the makeshift museum (the real museum is not finished due to some BS arguments over money and ownership or something).

I started to cry three times after the tour when I was in the "museum" looking at the images, hearing the voices, and seeing the recovered items from the wreckage.

I think it hit me more to see the sites of the smoke and the destruction now that I am in NYC and know the area and have been down to the area where the buildings were several times.  I have sat to have lunch in front of the new building 7, I have walked past the hole before it was a beautiful waterfall memorial.  I now know that the buildings that are there now are about half the height of the old trade center buildings - so incredibly impressive, especially after I went into the Empire State Building two days ago.  The towers were taller than I was high in that current building.

It was really moving.

Disney ruined my dream life

I am sorry to say, but I have given up on some of the dreams that I had as a younger person.  

I know that some would say that I am still young and that there is still time, but is there?  Is it still possible to do all the things I wanted to do in the way that I wanted to do them?  Is there still a chance for me to leave some sort of legacy on the world?

I know that there have been many young adults who have come to me after their high school times to tell me that I had an influence on them while they were in my classes.  That is great, it makes me feel wonderful.  

But I wanted to be more than just a teacher.  I want to be more than just a coach, too.

These things are just small parts of all that I wanted to do in my life.  

I don't even want to put all of my past goals/desires into words because it is really quite disappointing that I have not completed most of them.  I know, though, that some of their lack of completion is all on me.

I sometimes get in my own way and that is a huge detriment to my progress.

And that is why I am working to change my mindset this year.  

Maybe there is still some hope for some of my dreams to come true.  I blame Disney and that damn "the dreams that you wish will come true" BS for my high hopes.  I guess they made me believe that I didn't need to put in work to make them happen.  Some great man would come a long and everything I ever wanted would come true. 

Right?  

Unfortunately, I am independent-minded and just dreaming doesn't work.  At all.

Topic for today's Stream of Consciousness Sunday prompt:  Have you reached the prime of your life? What do you want to be your legacy?

If you want to join in or see others who wrote for fadra's site, click the link.

Rules are that you write for five minutes with whatever comes to your head, either addressing the prompt or writing about whatever comes up.

After all my logic and my theory I add a...

I am about to go buy some RPGs, some grenades, some bullet-proof coverings for my house windows and doors, and some serious private security guards.

Why?

Because Saint Louis is the 3rd most dangerous city in the world.

Don't laugh.

It is, according to Urbantitan.

We are further up the list than Mogadishu.  Higher than Caracas, higher than a city in Chechnya, and way higher than a city in Pakistan, where al-Qaeda kidnaps US reporters.

I know I shouldn't take this mess seriously, but come on now.

To compare any US city to the listed international cities and so many more cities where people really do fear for their lives daily is absurd.

I have never gone to sleep with ear plugs in due to the noise of the bombs; I have never had to sleep with night shades over my eyes so that the bright lights of the exploding bombs and missiles don't keep me awake.

I have never had to walk through shrapnel, crumbled buildings, streets filled with tanks, alleys full of soldiers reloading and resting up before the next evenings attacks.

I have never had to adjust where I walk so that I don't have to risk my small child seeing and walking over piles of dead bodies.

I have never had to see (in real life) the disfigured, dismembered bodies of my neighbors or co-workers.

I know that people try to bring this city down.  I know that there is still high unemployment here (especially among African American males).  I know that there is a good deal of crime at times in some parts of the city.

I know that there are people who move out of this city after getting tired of being asked where they went to high school for the one-millionth time.

These people are not considered refugees.

They are leaving on their own volition.

But as I always say - the data is not really that accurate.

Most lists that include StL as the most dangerous in the country (now world) do not count the city as most other areas of the country do.  StL county is not counted as part of StL.  Almost every other area of the nation includes the entire metropolitan area in their city counts.

Not to say that the county is crime free, but they don't have as many violent crimes.  They just have kidnappings, meth labs, cocaine parties, and a ton of other events in recent history that I won't list because some one is bound to think I am making light of the various situations, but please, do your research.

When you do count the city and the county together, the statistics for StL drop enormously.

I'm not going to argue that there are not a lot of crimes in the city, but it definitely does not compare to many other places.  If you watch local news here, there is a constant barrage of crime being shared (though I'm not sure if that is because there is a lot of it, or if it is because that is what local people expect to see on their news channels.  And if you really look at the local news (which I cannot stand, sorry Ms Huda), you could see that most of the crimes are taking place in the same spots of the city.

I am not going to hate on the author of the story for not looking at statistics appropriately.

But I am going to hate on the author for saying that "East St. Louis is the area of nearly 65% of the crime".

EAST ST. LOUIS IS NOT THE SAME CITY AS ST. LOUIS.  It's not even in the same state.  There is a huge (though sometimes not so high with all the drought) river that separates the two cities.  And if you want to get even more technical with it, not all of the area on the east side of the river is East StL.  There are other cities that people tend to lump together that are not actually part of EStL.  Perhaps that is causing that area to have a worse rap than it should.  If you include East Saint in the statistics, then you should include the whole metro area, fo' real.

All in all, the blog sucks.

And now that I think about it, this is what is to blame for some of the students I teach and young people I see around the area.

They think they are super hard as shit.

Why shouldn't they even though most of them have never been in a fight, never seen a gun, maybe been detained for MIP of weed, and never had to deal with any large amount of trauma, let alone having a bomb drop on your house in the middle of the night?

And why shouldn't they when each year they hear that their "city" is among the most dangerous in the country?  They all think of the city as the whole metropolitan area.  And they don't watch the news or have classes that teach about what is going on in the world, so I guess according to them (and the author of this blog) they do live in the third most dangerous area of the world.

These people are the reason that I often feel like Lauryn Hill.  Even after all my logic and my theory, I (often want to) add a mother-fucka so you ignant n----s hear me.  Remember. Take notes.

"Zealots".

Help me understand the logic

This is what I'm working with:

• A teacher told students to double space their paper. One student turned in a paper that was single-spaced, but typed with a word, then two spaces, then a word, then two spaces.  I teach high school.  Really makes me wonder who the kid was.  Is it a student who has never done an assignment before?  Was the kid sitting as s/he typed just pissed off at the teacher thinking of how stupid and pointless it was to have to focus on hitting the space bar twice between each word?
• One of my athletes had to miss the last weekend track meet because her sister was coming in town.  The school is in St. Louis County.  Her sister goes to Webster University - also in StL.  She said her sister doesn't live at home and it was going to be a big deal for her when she came over.  I'm sure she spent every minute that she would have been competing catching up with her sister that clearly does not want to keep in contact if it is that big a deal for her to come home from within a 20-mile radius from her parents' home.
• I saw an old, really good friend at a recent track meet in Festus, MO.  As we stood catching up, an athlete came and proceeded to tell me that as he was running his race, he felt his lower leg break in half.  This while he is just finished jogging up the hill to me and is standing on both of his legs with no looks of intense pain, and no bone marrow dripping from where his leg snapped in half.
• One of the students in my school got picked to be Made by MTV.  Pretty cool, especially since she is an excellent student.  When the MTV lady came by today to do some interviews with students, of course the most annoying person in my classes was there and he wanted to pretend he is her boyfriend.  Because, I'm sure, with all the taping the show will do of her before May, they will not get actual footage of her talking with her real boyfriend.  Is it horrible of me to hope that the footage of him gets cut from the show?  (If her episode makes the cut)
• A guy who stays on the same street as me has been parked on one side of the street for a long time.  One of those really big older American cars with custom paint and some expensive rims.  No door handle on the outside -- that would mess up the smooth exterior look.  He moved the car to the other side of the street.  I guess he was keeping it on the one side of the street so that everyone wouldn't see that he had rims only on one side of the car.  The other side just had regular hub caps.  Hopefully he will save up some money and get the other pair of rims.

There is so much more, but thinking about it all at one time makes my head hurt and makes me want to scream or something.  Perhaps another day I will share more of my youngsters' antics

Haiti needs help - be careful how you give it

My thoughts keep getting back to the people in Haiti for many reasons.  One is the damage that has occurred due to the earthquake this week.  Another reason is because I have long been questioning what has been going on with regard to aid in that nation.  As the news keeps announcing, they are the poorest nation in the western hemisphere. 

They are also a large recipient of aid from various nations and organizations throughout the world.  From 1990-2003 they received over $4 billion in aid.

I am by no means saying that they don't need help, but I am saying we really need to be thinking about and addressing what is going on in that nation and with the people trying to help them.

If you want to give them aid at this time, please read on and really look into what you are doing and who you are doing it through.  You can use charitynavigator.org and guidestar to check on the status and spending of organizations you wish to donate to or that you wish to know more about.

A lot of the aid they receive comes from Non-governmental organizations (NGOs).  These sort of organizations have a history of aid, but also are so large that at times they are not really giving as much money as people think to the "charities" they are supposed to be supporting. 

They are organizations who use their money to basically promote their liberal ideology.

They help those who they feel are less off than themselves.  It is the same as people in this nation who basically give money to charities.  They give money, they give water, they give food, they give used or new clothes -- all helping them to feel better about themselves.  If they give a little to help the lesser of those, then it does not really hurt for them to live in their fancy homes.  It is ok for them to eat at fancy places.  It is acceptable for them to by clothes, cars, and other items in excess.  

They provide aid, but are not really addressing the problem.  Most of these organizations are not doing anything to really solve the problems.  They are not helping the people to gain jobs.  They may help some one learn to farm (which is great), but they are not helping them to be able to transport their food to various parts of their nation so that they can help sustain more people.  

The typical solutions are not sustainable. 

Aid agencies and foreign governments often do not fully involve the local leaders in making decisions about what will truly help the nation succeed.

And with Haiti, although there were 28 countries gathered together spring 2009 for the International Donor's Conference who agreed to provide the island nation with $353 million to help reduce poverty, there is really not much to show for all the aid that has been given to them over all these years.

I believe it ties back to the start of the nation.  It is a proud history for them as the enslaved people of Haiti were able to overthrow their oppressors back in 1791.  They were named a republic officially in 1804.  They had been ruled by the French and the French were not easily going to give up a colony of theirs full of people they could force to work and build the imperial status of France.  They demanded for Haiti to pay the French government 150 million gold francs (which in today's dollars would be about $20 billion).  The Haitians spent over 100 years trying to pay this off since they felt it would help them become stable since they would gain acknowledgment and acceptance from the major powers if they completed paying the money out.

That is a lot of debt.  They still have a lot of debt to this day. The debt was at around $1.4 billion in the early part of 2009.  Last year, the US canceled $1.2 billion of the debt.  But that is after they have been working to repay that debt for so long. 

Think of what they could have been doing with the money they have had to be paying back to various nations.  Think of what they could have done to help their nation if they were not busy using (probably aid money) funds to repay nations.

Some nations, including Haiti have a history of some corruption.  

That is not an excuse for them, and it is not a reason to stop trying to help them out of their situation.  

It is a reason to have donors hold the government accountable to the money that is given to them.  

How do you keep giving nations money and the people see nothing from it.  

Like I said earlier, in just a 13 year period, the island of Haiti received over $4 billion.  Think how the people's lives could have been improved if that money had just been distributed to the people.  The nation is one that has not enough food produced on their land to sustain the people.  According to USAID 54% of Haitians live on just over 50 cents a day, unemployment is between 70-80% and over 40% of the people there do not have access to drinkable water.

Providing the people with health services is great, but we need to help them so that they can help themselves.  They need to be taught skills that will help them in the future to be able to build their infrastructure and develop jobs and have an education.  Most of the people there do not have higher than a primary education and only about 52% of the adults over 15 are fully literate.  According to the Council on Hemispheric Affairs, about 30% of Haiti's GDP comes from Haitians living and working abroad sending money back home to their relations.

They need more than just food and water and vaccines.

And they need it from more than the numerous nations that are supposedly helping Haiti.  Seriously.  Look at this massive list of NGOs that are said to be aiding Haiti in some way.  Look how many organizations there are, but what do they have to show for their "aid".

The Council on Hemispheric Affairs says that "[P]art of the problem begins with the widespread notion that over half of international aid goes toward NGO 'overhead' costs."

So be careful when you donate to some of these organizations.  They are basically taking your money and paying themselves with most of it rather than distributing it to the people they are saying they are helping. 

Makes sense with regard to Haiti's situation.  Look at that NGO list again.  If all of them are supposed to be giving money or some other sort of aid to Haiti, how is Haiti broke and still in dire conditions?

Also from the Council on Hemispheric Affairs site:

Roger Annis, of the Toronto Haiti Action Committee (THAC) professed that during a 2007 visit to the island, his entourage was repeatedly appealed to by locals to publically disseminate news of the failure of aid programs in order to bring about significant solutions to development issues. “I saw no evidence of Canadian aid programs reaching that desperately poor population,” alleged Annis. The underlying reason that aid is often ineffective is that it is simply not reaching the people on the ground. In addition to holding aid agencies accountable for their commitments, incorporating local communities into the decision of how best to use aid is an approach that could readily improve the effectiveness of the distributed funds.

The work being done is not really getting to the people.  The aid agencies are somehow getting donations, saying they are going to help, but really not doing much.

Top that with the different leaders of Haiti that have dug into the coffers and helped themselves to various funds leaving most of their people suffering.

Peter Mott of Interconnect Newsletter said of some of the aid missions that

With 9,000 soldiers from 42 countries, led by Brazil, the UN Mission to Stabilize Haiti (MINUSTAH) has spent $2 billion fielding armed patrols throughout Haitian poor neighborhoods to repress and intimidate the people, arbitrarily killing civilians, and sometimes sexually assaulting young girls and women.  In the meantime, the economic conditions worsen and the basic needs of the population remain unmet.

 There has to be a better way.

I hope that as you reach out to help the Haitians in their time of need, that you really think about who you are giving money to -- research the organization to find out what they actually do with their money.

Check out the video on Guernicamag.com about aid giving and its impact.

Here is some Haitian history from the Haitian Blogger and you can see recent updates on from the Haitian Blogger.

Another great link with information on the US involvement in Haiti is the Haitisolidarity.net - including information on Aristide.

And please don't see the situation as Pat Robertson does -- what a prick.

Thanks for reading my rant.

Addendum:

Here is a link to some information on what Wyclef Jean has done with his donations in the past.  Just what I talked about here. Not sure if this is some sort of action to attack him and get people to not give to his organization or what.  I just hope that money gets to the people and the people that can help the people.

Bad moods can make me a genius???

Clearly science is on my side.

Researchers down under have found that, "bad moods can actually be good for you, with an Australian study finding that being sad make people less gullible, improves their ability to judge others and also boosts memory."

People who may be more sad are better and sifting through bullshit and with dealing with demanding situations.

More power to me when life gets me down.

People in a bad mood were also less likely to make snap decisions based on racial or religious prejudices, and they were less likely to make mistakes when asked to recall an event that they witnessed.
The study also found that sad people were better at stating their case through written arguments, which Forgas said showed that a "mildly negative mood may actually promote a more concrete, accommodative and ultimately more successful communication style."
"Positive mood is not universally desirable: people in negative mood are less prone to judgmental errors, are more resistant to eyewitness distortions and are better at producing high-quality, effective persuasive messages," Forgas wrote.

I don't really suffer from menstrual moods, but if any of you women do, rest assured that those could be the smartest times of your month.

Awwww... here we go

I don't like the Snuggie - think it is ridiculous. I don't care how comfortable some people think they are. Use a blanket or wear a robe. If it is so cold in your home that you can't reach from under the blanket without fear of your hand freezing to death for those 5 seconds, you really need to stop going to so many expensive dinner places, stop putting 37" rims on that SUV that is about to be repossessed and save some money for your heat bill.

As though that invention didn't irk me enough last winter, now there is a Snuggie for dogs. My sister gave me the heads up and you can click here to see video on the Snuggie for Dogs.

As though people need more outfits to dress their dogs up in. And more reason to get a dog carrying case that matches their Gucci/Prada purses. I guess now the owner can dress in matching Snuggies with their dog. Hopefully when the dog wears its own gown-blanket, it won't look like it is being choked -- see woman in the picture.

Depression shouldn't lead to dismemberment

I don't watch the news much anymore. I heard about this case through Kid Sis #2 who lives in Texas.

This is truly crazy. The woman dismembered her kid, ate part of his brain, and chewed off some of his phalanges. WTF?

This is beyond insanity.

It has apparently been pretty normal that women who kill their kids there get off with the insanity plea.

If she gets off on some sort of postpartum depression deal, I will be even more disgusted than I already am about this case. Read a little bit more on the Otty Sanchez case here.

No shame in their game - attacking children and the president

I am not completely surprised by the reactions/comments made by these people about the Obama family. After all, these are the same people that compared the President, his wife, and other African Americans to monkeys. And then had the gall to say that it was not a racial comparison -- that despite the historical connotation that animal has to brown people, they did not mean any harm by the comparisons.

This is from when the family was in Europe. Thanks to afrobella for the heads up.

They attacked Malia, her appearance, the family, and the man with them. Click here for a summary from the Canadian Vancouver Sun.

They have no shame in their comments. See the comment thread here. Click the image to make it bigger so you can read what they say -- I don't even want to bother repeating any of their comments.

Moore, Chappelle, and Rock on police brutality: not completely comedic

There have been so many incidents lately of police "accidentally" hurting/shooting/killing people (brown people in particular) for weird/nonsensical reasons (wallets?).

Here is Michael Moore explaining some of the outrageous police brutality that has occurred in recent times. This is somewhat comical (as Moore often is), but the message is real and it is a shame that it has come to this.

The second video is Dave Chappelle talking about police incidents and 911 calls.

The third video is Chris Rock explaining how not to get your ass beat by the police.

More bitter than sweet

Throughout this track season I have had some days when I question my decision to leave my last coaching position. I guess it wasn't a choice to leave that job, more to leave the teaching position and all the b.s. associated with it.

As the season progressed and I continued to see my old kids excel, it got even harder. As my new crew of kids try to adjust to actually working out and having to sweat, occasionally hurt, and learn new form, it got harder. I still love my old kids and wished them the best.

The current coach called, emailed, or texted me weekly to get ideas for workouts and who to put in which events and what orders to run the relays. I even helped my replacement when he had questions about how to work with the lady-coach that is there. It was like I was coaching two teams.

This past weekend, they won the State championship. Awesome, right? I worked 5 years to get them to that point. Got really close last year - 4th place with very few kids at the meet. I went to watch them the first day. Saw them break some meet records - awesome. Even was texting and calling one of my all-time favorite athletes during my drive to Jefferson City giving him advice after he asked my opinion on how he should run his race that day.

I was still coaching him through his final meet.

I proceeded to help the coach see what he could tell his kids about that evening so they would continue to run well the second day of the State meet.

He did awesome. Won the 100, 200, 400, and a relay. They won the whole meet. Set a new record for their class for the most points scored in the State meet.

Sweet.

I want nothing more for those kids to do well. They deserve it. They work hard for it.

Yet bitter. I have rejoiced with them, but at the same time I am bitter that it will not be my name in the records for coaching them. I am bitter that I am not the one being interviewed. I am bitter that the current coach, who has been blowing up my shit to get advice, has not once mentioned me in an interview. That bothers me. And the main guy who interviews the coaches at the school knows me and what I have done to bring the program up. The other guy will be anointed coach of the year in the fall when we have our state conference of coaches. I doubt if I will get a shout out there, either.

Bitter.

What makes it even harder is that I've only got one kid who made it to our State meet for next weekend. I understand and accept that I have taken on a greater challenge at this school. I understand that the competition is way harder here. I understand that I am starting over just as I did at the last school and that it may take another four years to build a competitive program. (Seriously, I am working with kids of such unheard of levels that I had one boy run a 400 and pee on himself during the race (while running a 68-second quarter), I had a kid think he was a superstar 100m runner and then run slower than all the girls at a meet that occurred elsewhere in town the same day, I have had guys quit the team, kicked kids off the team, had kids who preferred to go get an oil change rather than work on handoffs leading into the District championship, and so much more that I may get into another time.) I understand that I am at a bigger school and that that provides me an opportunity to (possibly) do even more than I did at the last place. I have what has turned out to be some pretty awesome colleagues (though some of them complain about stuff like little punks). But it will be hard to get to the point where we are truly competitive in the conference and state level where we are positioned. I accept that.

It upsets me that I am so upset by all of this. I am not usually bothered. When I coached at the other school, I never really did it for the accolades. Right now, I am definitely not doing it for attention - if anything, at this point, I am not ready to let people know who is coaching the 15 second 100m runners, and the 11 foot long jumpers. I take pride in my work, I have some kids who have drastically improved over this season, but I'm still not ready to be sporting the team colors and logos all over my clothes.

Question is, why am I letting myself get so bent out of shape about this?

Not sure.

I am hoping that after this weekend, lots of sulking, some venting, very few congratulations, some over indulgences of various kinds, and continuously laughing at the Mike Tyson-singing-Phil Collins preview to the movie "The Hangover" I will finally be over it.

I don't like feeling bitter.

Where rape is ok

In South Africa people rape gay women to get them to end their homosexual ways.

Because "no lesbian is natural" and forcing a man on them will make them want to be with more men. Right? Because humiliation always works to get people to do what you want them to do, right? Because homosexuality is a choice and these women were just waiting to feel the right person inside of them to make them want to be with men all the time, right?

Be sure to watch the short video linked above. Thanks to a friend on Facebook for the link.

You can also check out the video "A Jihad for Love", a documentary about Islam and homosexuality. In many nations with a Muslim majority, there are laws based on interpretations of the Quran that are used to monitor, entrap, imprison, torture and even execute homosexuals. The film is pretty well done and does not try and separate from Islam, but rather get members of the faith to rethink their views of homosexuality.

Perhaps we DO still need black history month

It is 2009.

So why is someone still making cartoons of black people represented by monkeys?

This is from the New York Post this week.
Rev. Sharpton briefly wrote about it. If it weren't the end of school and I didn't have to go do pre-season track workouts with the kids, I'd write more.

Infomercials -- I need to get in on these

Is it really that hard when you are cold to put on more clothes? Is it really that hard to sit under a blanket without getting your hands tangled when you need to answer the phone or grab the remote control to rewind the dvd you are watching?

Maybe it is. I guess that is why there is the Snuggie.

I understand not wanting to raise your heating bill -- my house is cold because I am not trying to pay more money on that crap. But I can put on more layers or cuddle up on the couch and be cool -- I mean warm.

I don't need a crazy looking robe to be warm when I have a my old school Mizzou hoodie and a nice blanket.

I really need to look into inventing some sort of unnecessary product and sell it on late night tv. Then I can yell throughout the commercials like ol' dude.

Get at me if you have some ideas for inventions.

Where's the Maytag man?

I understand that there are problems in this nation with severe unemployment rates. I also understand that there are a lot of people that work from home or do stay at home work for their families.

What I don't understand is how companies that do service work have not adjusted to the fact that many more people work. During the day. And cannot take off work and sit at home to wait for a 6 hour period for a service person or delivery person to show up. I don't have a job where I spend 25% of the day goofing off. I deal with children and their various issues/stories/dramas etc while trying to make sure I cover the material and skills I am trying to get them to master all day.

It is ridiculous. I need my washing machine serviced. I told them that I could not be home until 3 pm. They told me that they would come by after three. They then call me at 1:30. Fortunately, it was during the Homecoming pep assembly and I had my phone with me. Unfortunately, they were calling telling me that they were at the door of my home.

I stepped away from the students, went into the parking lot and I went off like I have never gone off before. I then called the phone system people who told them to come at 1:30 and went off on them. I then called the Sears people and went off on them when they said the next appointment would not be until NEXT Saturday. Then I calmed down enough to enjoy the water balloon tosses, the tug of wars, and the pie eating contests the students participated in.

But back to business -- what the fuck is wrong with these people?

Why do they not work at coming to people's homes during hours when they will be home? Now I do not have some one else who can sit in my home and wait 6 hours for them to show up. No I do not want to take off work (and take more time writing sub plans for my classes than it takes to plan them for myself to teach) to sit for 6 hours myself to wait for them to come.

I rushed home since the person on the phone assured me that the fix-it-person would try and make it to my place after three and before 5. Now I still sit here -- pissed. Just called them back asking if they would still be coming since it is 5:10. No - the person has left the vicinity and likely won't be able to come back today. Though they will try and call today, she said -- yeah, right. Again they said that the next appointment won't be until NEXT Saturday!! WHAT!!!?!??!

If I was really feeling like being risky and if I had a lot of money, I would start a service company that worked 8 hours a day, but started at 2-3pm. Then you could get shit delivered or fixed or whatever during times that were conducive to a lot more people's lives.

I would become rich.

I would make so many people's lives so much easier.

I wish I had the resources to make that happen. Maybe someone will read this and come up with a way to make this happen.

I don't understand why it hasn't happened already. People have been delivering shit to people's homes for a really long time. And people have been needing stuff fixed for a really long time.

Delivery companies can get the peace sign -- though I'll put the index down!

He knows how the world works?

Possibly the best lines in the speech by McCain yesterday. (And by best, I mean the ones that caused me to gasp in astonishment and wonder if he really thinks these things of himself.)

"I know how the world works."

Oh. Really. I know you are older and perhaps that makes you a bit more knowledgeable about this. Though, most of the older people I know don't claim to understand the complicated workings of the world in which we live. Or maybe you are God.

"I know how to secure the peace."

Oh. Why have you been hiding this from the rest of the world for all these years? What's the secret? Please, do tell.

Video from John Stewart. Saw it the other night, then was reminded of it on KBO's site. Great at showing the contradictions that are huge in the right's media sources.

Fox News, Nas, Colbert

Most people realize how crappy Fox News is as a source of unbiased, unracist, untainted news. Nas wrote a song about them -- "Sly Fox". He went on The Colbert Report to talk about the station, Bill O'Reilly, and the title of his newest album.

Hilarious, and informative.
Nas on Stephen Colbert:

The death toll is not down - it is ever increasing

I know that some people say that they were never good at math, but help me understand the math in this (and many other) articles.

Throughout this "war on terrah" we have been fed statistics on the death toll of the civilians in the region as well as of the soldiers from this country and other countries that have sent troops to "help out".

This morning I was driving in the car listening to NPR (I am often a nerd -- plus, without a CD player NPR is WAY better than almost every song on the radio). I heard this story read during the news update:

U.S. Troop Deaths Up In June, Civilian Deaths Drop

The number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq rose in June, but the civilian death toll fell slightly, reports showed.
The statistics come at a time when the U.S. military is close to completing a drawdown of more than 20,000 combat troops sent to Iraq in early 2007 to control sectarian violence.
U.S. troop deaths in Iraq rose to 29 in June from 19 in May, according to the independent Web site icasualties.org, which tracks American casualty figures. The May number was the lowest since the U.S.-led invasion in 2003. In June 2007, 101 U.S. troops were killed.
Iraq's Health Ministry released statistics showing that 448 civilians were killed in violence in June, down from 505 the month before.
That's despite several deadly attacks, including a truck bomb that killed 63 people in Baghdad on June 17. Several recent high-profile attacks have targeted local council meetings where Americans were present.
Despite the overall drop in violence, U.S. officials warn that the country is still vulnerable to terrorist attacks.

Civilian Deaths Drop.

Civilian death toll fell slightly.

The title and the information on the civilian deaths is what gets me. How can civilian deaths truly be down if more people are constantly and consistently dying? Yes, there were less civilians killed in June than in May, but there were still deaths.

And 440+ killed is not an improvement. That's more people than in the whole school where I used to teach (including teachers and faculty).

Until the killing stops and there are more people being born in the region than dying (of, hopefully one day, natural or typical causes instead of mortars and bullets and bombs) there is no improvement in the conditions over there.

The replacement and being re-made whole

Not even a week after and I am way more at peace with all the BS. Leo and others have been trying to get me to understand how little those people cared about me for a really long time. As Michelle once told me, working there is like being in an abusive relationship. You don't realize how bad it is, that it's not supposed to be that way, that it can be better, etc. But now that I'm out and more removed, I have seen a little more of the bad than I had been seeing before.

Explain to me how I can resign on Wednesday and they can have a replacement hired the same day. How I can go to ask if I can continue working with the track team I have developed over the past five years and they have a replacement -- not one of my assistant coaches, the position wasn't even offered to any of them. That should come as a blow to them and let them know how much they are cared for.

The replacement.

I guess there were rumors of me leaving. But nothing was certain. As of Monday this week, I was still coming back in the fall. As of Tuesday morning, the same thing. What really irks me is that if they thought I was leaving, they did nothing to inquire about it to me, they did nothing to ask why I might be making such a decision, they did nothing to find out what they could do to ensure that I would not leave. I guess they just did not care. Or they wanted me out. Now they have a (fairly) newbie in my place. I wish him well. I hope they don't treat him like shit. I hope that he does not get burned out like most of the other faculty, because if he doesn't, I feel like he could make an impact.

Unfortunately, my views on the track team are mixed. I love those kids to death and want them to do well. But a small part of me wants that not to happen without me. Wants this new guy to falter a bit. Is it possible for the kids to do well but for him to fail? I'm not sure.

What's done is done. I am moving on. I think I already have a job secured. I will find out on Tuesday or Wednesday. I am going to get the rest of my shit out of that school and then be up.

On another note, well some what tied to that school, I got a new computer. Have to turn in the school's tomorrow. I got an awesome deal from the guy. He really hooked me up even beyond the educator's discount. Then a friend from grad school who works as a teacher during the year also hooked me up at the store by transferring all my shit (ALL my shit) from the school computer over to my new one. Sweet. Seriously. I suppose my second to last hit at the school. Last one will be when they don't see my curriculum still there. I wrote that shit. I take that shit with me. Sorry new guy, no offense to you, just what I have to do. I had to do it, now you do, too. Plus I will have to teach it all again at some point, so why should I start fresh then when I have already made it all.

I really feel great -- free, happy. The potential district is one that everyone seems to love working at. And it starts sooner in the morning and gets out earlier. I will basically be able to have a life. And be able to do shit after the last bell rings, because that will only be 2:16. So many more hours added to my day. And the athletic facilities are nice. Since I cannot coach at my old digs, I will coach there. I will rebuild the program just as I did before.

With that all out, I hope to never have to speak with anger of the bullshit that was my life in that place. I hope that I can speak of it calmly and as though it was another part of my life. It already seems distant, like it was some type of nightmare that I am finally awakening from. I hope to be cared for by my future employers, I hope that if not, I will recognize it sooner and not be afraid to leave if the circumstances for me or my fellow colleagues start to turn to shit.

I consider it all a huge learning experience. One that I hope all my former colleagues are learning. And I hope that the ones still in that abusive relationship survive in tact. And that they can get out of it before it ruins their spirits more than it already has.

I am thankful for all the people there who kept me sane, I am thankful for all the people close to me who helped me make good choices while there and while trying to not be there, I am thankful to all the people who have listened to me vent, blabber, and make choices about it all for the past year and especially this past week.

I have been re-made whole.