Olympic dreams deferred

When I was in high school, I always imagined that I would make it to the Olympics as a sprinter in track and field.  I even received the honour of Most Likely to Go to the Olympics with the senior superlatives.

In college, I started realizing that I was high-school-talented, but not really as fast as some of those girls from Texas who seemed as though they were breed to run fast.

Around that time, I started coaching summer track.  We had some really good athletes on our team.  I then changed my goal.  I knew I was not going to participate as an athlete, but maybe I could coach an athlete to the Games and attend them for free that way.

That didn't work out, especially as I am not tired of coaching and don't know when I will do it again.

So, now, to get to the Olympics, I will need to be one of the people who holds the baskets for the track athletes at the starting line or I will have to somehow become a great dancer and be part of the opening ceremonies.  Or I can figure out who to talk to to make sure I win the new Visa prize of Olympic tickets for the rest of your life.

This is my five-minute stream of consciousness post.  I just free wrote on the prompt for five minutes and am linking up with Jana's Thinking Place.  Jana's prompt today was: If you could compete in any Olympic sport or participate in the Games in any way, what would you want to do?  Did you ever have Olympic goals personally?

Check out the site to see others' posts and to link your own post if you feel so inclined.

Some questions answered

Today, I play along with dbstevens since she is going on a break from her blog for awhile.

What's in a name?  Is a name just a name when it can conjure up so much feeling in a person?  Is a name just a name when even when someone else has that name it brings you such strong feelings?  Is a name just a name when people all over the country wait for celebrities to announce the newest name of the newest birthed child?  Is a name just a name when it becomes a push to have the most unique one, one that will encompass everything you want a child to become?

What is in a name?

Who knows?!?

On Kicking Corners dbstevens has asked readers to address five questions from her blog post.

This what they need to do outside my bedroom.

1. What are you listening to right now? I am listening to the birds as they chirp and enter and exit the outside vent of the apartment next to my bedroom.  They are loud, they are annoying, and the apartment people seem to think it is not an emergency that needs to be taken care of.
2. Do you like your handwriting?  I don't really like it.  I see other people's handwriting and think it looks sophisticated.  I see mine and think of messy juveniles.  I have switched it up recently, but I don't feel it has added anything to make me like my handwriting more.
3. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?  I sure hope so.  I think I can be funny and I like my sarcasm.  I think I am pretty loyal to friends, though I do sometimes go long stretches without calling or seeing a friend.  But, when we do meet/talk again, we are still cool... or maybe I think we are cool and the other person secretly hates me.
4. What's your favorite breakfast?  Pancakes, bacon, eggs.  I also love so many different kinds of breakfasts.  I also love so many different types of cereal.  My siblings created a special holiday that we celebrate each year (though, I think we missed it this year) where we eat cereal for breakfast and dinner for seven days in a row.
I'm skipping around, now...
9. Scary movies or happy endings?  I love East Asian scary movies.  They are actually kind of scary, unlike American ones that tend to be more humorous than scary.  As I have gotten older, I have started to like sappy, girl-movies.  It is not something that I am proud of, which may be why am in love with the East Asian films.
10. What makes you feel young?  Working out (even though I am nowhere near the shape I was in when I was actually young).  Having people mistake me for younger than I actually am (some have thought I was a student in the school where I teach).  Laughing hysterically.
11. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?  I'm not entirely sure.  What is the reason that a person dies at a young age?  Is it so that you or someone the person knew could do something great in their life?  Is it because the person did something bad in their life?  I don't know.  I have a colleague who sat on an airplane and said hi to the stranger sitting next to her.  They talked the whole flight and ended up falling in love and had a baby earlier this year and will be married soon.  Was that destined?  I don't know.  Is the enormous back pain I have suffered all so that I can focus on working out to prevent the pain?  I don't know.
14. Do you always smile for pictures?  When I am in photographs, I channel my inner ANTM and smize (smile with my eyes).  This can be with a smile or without a smile.  I work on my angles and try and make sure that even when there are really attractive people in the photo with me, I still look decent since you never know where photos will show up online these days.
20. What's the coldest you've ever been?  Track meet about 4 years ago.  It was so cold that when I bought some hot chocolate, it stopped steaming almost as soon as it was poured out of the hot spout.  I was so cold that I could not feel my extremities.  It was so cold that I became angry.  I was angry until about two hours after I was home from the meet and the tingle from my fingers and toes thawing out had ceased.

This was fun.  You can check out the rest of the questions on Kicking Corners and answer them for yourself if you desire.

Hoping for less stress and more success

This week was a stressful one.

• I was frantically trying to get things finished for a move.  I had my landlords (my parents since I have been living in the house they unsuccessfully bought four years ago with the dream of flipping it quick for a major profit which is now a significant loss) fill out the forms about my rent history.  I had to have the new renters come by my place for a home visit (never heard of people doing this before letting you move in).  I signed a lease.  I got the keys to the new place.
• I missed two days of practice and one track meet because of the housing madness.  I have to say, that it was a bit worrisome to be away from those two days of track, but at the same time, it was wonderful to be home earlier and still have a good portion of the day left.  
• I had only four kids show up to practice one of the days I was gone.  Four out of at least 20 who should have been there.  The next day, I went off and had two of the athletes proceed to pout like three-year olds.   Fortunately, one of my assistants dealt with it before I snapped and forced them off the team.  
• The lack of commitment from the athletes led to me only entering 2 of the 30+ sprinters into our Saturday meet. 
• The meet was decent.  Saw a lot of old friends.  One commented on how he missed me and my ability to make him laugh.  That meant a lot.  The host school did something completely unheard of... had a massage table in the gym for the coaches to utilize.  I have never gotten a real massage.  It.  Felt.  Great.
• Today, after finishing this and eating breakfast, I pack.  I organize, throw whatever is left to throw a way away, and I pack.
• Tomorrow, movers arrive at 8:30.  The last time I moved, I hired movers, and I really don't even understand why anyone would ever move things on their own.

I am glad I successfully found a place in such short notice.  And I am glad that I am able to coach the kids successfully and am getting better at showing them natural consequences.

I am always glad for good company and caring friends.

Hopefully, this week is less frantic and full of more joyful moments.

I feel as though I can see successes in the short-term, but am not sure what success means for me in the long-term.

Stream of Consciousness post for the week.
You can see more of the posts from allthingsfadra's blog and join in yourself, if you like.  All it takes is five minutes of writing whatever is on your mind.  I went a bit over today, but that is ok, too.

P is for Perspective

I have to keep things in perspective.

Renaissance-era perspective in my textbook

Today, on NPR, there was a story about how a lot of young people think that if there had been the internet back in the day, Watergate would have happened differently.  They believe that people would have just been able to search and find information about the people sneaking around and the story would have broke differently.  In the story, Tina Brown mentions that a lot of young people believe that everything can be found online.

They have no perspective that human contact is a necessary part of life.

The story was about journalism, but it is true in real life as well.

I have seen people - mostly young - who will be standing right next to a person and will start to text or Tweet the person.  It is not as though there is a meeting or something going on that will be disturbed if they talk to each other, they are sometimes just sitting next to each other in a mall or in a car.

I have to keep my old-school perspective of actually talking with people who are next to me.  I don't want society to become one where actually talking with and communicating in person becomes obsolete.  I have heard of people who will Skype their loved one who is upstairs or in another room rather than getting up and walking to go talk with them.

There have been athletes I have coached and seen who were really fast or who jumped really high/far.  Sometimes I have to ask athletes a question when they tell me their time or their distance.  "You did that. Is that good for you?"  Otherwise, I compare it to some of the best I have seen and I might end up unconsciously furling my face at their performance when the nine year old daughter of one of my assistants beats some of the athletes on the team.

I must use perspective in different situations.

Same, different

Same, same, same, same, different, different, different.  (Can't remember what commercial that was from, but here are some things that fit - first things that are the same, then things that are (finally) different.)

• Track meet today.  It was hot.
• I became dehydrated.
• Kids did well for the most part.  Some really impressed me.  Some performances were not so hot.  I'm tired.
• I still felt the need to blog at the end of it all even though I am super tired.

• Some one finally wants to buy the house I'm living in.
• I have to move out of said house by the end of the month.
• I have to find another place to live in less than one month so the place is cleared out by the end of the month.  Also, I have to find time to place some applications and deliver them and find a moving company because I am totally over trying to move large pieces of furniture myself - not that I am lazy, but the cost is really not that much and it is so much easier.

Got to love hospitality

A beautiful day for a track meet today.

Only issue is that I want to continue with my health kick and coach hospitality is not really conducive to that.

Today, I was tempted and succumbed to a Krispy Creme glazed donut - two, half a sandwich, some generic sandwich cookies, and some chips.

Not too bad today.

My goals are to bring more of my own food, not spend my own money at meets (unless the food is too cheesy or has been sitting out too long), to stay hydrated, and to not over eat during the meets.

We'll see how I do Monday, Tuesday, Friday, and next Saturday.

A touching teacher/coach moment

Today when I left the house this morning for track practice, it was rainy, and foggy, and looked like it was going to storm.  I was not looking forward to being outside for practice in the rain.

Driving into the parking lot, I saw a car that looked familiar, but that I hadn't seen since last season.

I pulled into a parking space and saw one of my former athletes talking with another coach - he was the owner of the car.  This young man was visiting our practice to see me, the other coaches, and the other kids.

Shortly after seeing him, two additional former athletes showed up.

Original image

It was great seeing the three guys; seeing them grow even more into great men who have goals and are working to meet them.  None of them are running in college, though two of them are shooting to make a team in the next school year.  All of them are making good grades, working, and adjusting well to college life.

We reminisced on fun times when they qualified for State and placed at the State meet.  Good times were had by all each season I coached them.  They talked about the difference I made in their athletic abilities.  They talked about some life lessons I taught and methods I used to get messages across.

It's rare as a teacher or a coach to have kids come back later and tell you that you made a difference in their life, or even that you mattered to them in some way or even that they liked you and learned something from you.  I love when it does happen and I love seeing former students/athletes go on to college/work and do amazing things.

This was one of those rare moments.

Shortly after we started practice, the sun came out and the weather was perfect.

Resetting my physical life

Since I have been trying to reset my life and get things more on track, I decided to do more to make that happen physically.

Today, I went for a run/walk.  I only did about a mile today, but it felt ok.  I could have done more, but I did it on a track instead of a trail (I hate running on tracks!!!).  If the weather permits, I want to do it at least 4 more times during the next week, each time doing a little bit farther than the previous time.

I love running toward and past these in Tower Grove Park!

Two years ago, I was getting to be really good at these types of workouts and I was doing some lifting, and my body looked better than it had since college.

I don't anticipate that I will get back to that same body shape, but I do want to get into more physical shape.

One of the workouts I was doing two years ago only took about 20 minutes if I was on it the entire time, and I think I should be able to incorporate that into my day along with morning yoga.

Make it happen, cap'in!

Insane weather, sane spring sports?

It is so beautiful outside - 66 in January in StL.  Who could ask for better weather?

The weather is making me think of spring sports season.

I'm already starting to feel stressed about starting the track season and I still have 27 days until it starts.

We have no track at this time due to construction of a new one, and it will not be finished until about three or four weeks into the season.

I don't have a schedule complete.  Unlike all of the other sports at the school that I know of, the AD does not make the schedule with other ADs.  I have to make calls and email coaches and ADs to find out about meets and then coordinate them.  Since we have no track, all meets are away and we can't do the basic stuff at the start of the season that I would normally do.

I am normally all about the track season and would have already been doing preseason conditioning with the kiddos.  I have the backbones of a schedule and have not done preseason stuff.

And I am not really bothered by that.

I have enjoyed my time without it.  Just like I enjoyed not doing summer track this past summer.  Thirteen years of coaching school and summer each year is starting to wear on me.  The summer was a good break.

I know that to some people, I am known for coaching.

This is somewhat saddening.  I don't love it as much as some people seem to think that I do.

I know I am fairly good at it, but it is not something I am obsessed with like some people I have worked with in the summer time and that I have seen at other schools.

I called the first meeting with my assistant coaches for tomorrow and have a meeting with interested kids on Thursday and then the ball will officially be rolling.

I am not really nervous, I almost don't care - as evidenced by my lack of effort to start conditioning up to this point.

At the same time, I don't want to suck at anything that I do.

Hopefully, the great weather is a sign that the weather during the season will be tolerable.

I hope I can make it through the season with my sanity.

Help me understand the logic

This is what I'm working with:

• A teacher told students to double space their paper. One student turned in a paper that was single-spaced, but typed with a word, then two spaces, then a word, then two spaces.  I teach high school.  Really makes me wonder who the kid was.  Is it a student who has never done an assignment before?  Was the kid sitting as s/he typed just pissed off at the teacher thinking of how stupid and pointless it was to have to focus on hitting the space bar twice between each word?
• One of my athletes had to miss the last weekend track meet because her sister was coming in town.  The school is in St. Louis County.  Her sister goes to Webster University - also in StL.  She said her sister doesn't live at home and it was going to be a big deal for her when she came over.  I'm sure she spent every minute that she would have been competing catching up with her sister that clearly does not want to keep in contact if it is that big a deal for her to come home from within a 20-mile radius from her parents' home.
• I saw an old, really good friend at a recent track meet in Festus, MO.  As we stood catching up, an athlete came and proceeded to tell me that as he was running his race, he felt his lower leg break in half.  This while he is just finished jogging up the hill to me and is standing on both of his legs with no looks of intense pain, and no bone marrow dripping from where his leg snapped in half.
• One of the students in my school got picked to be Made by MTV.  Pretty cool, especially since she is an excellent student.  When the MTV lady came by today to do some interviews with students, of course the most annoying person in my classes was there and he wanted to pretend he is her boyfriend.  Because, I'm sure, with all the taping the show will do of her before May, they will not get actual footage of her talking with her real boyfriend.  Is it horrible of me to hope that the footage of him gets cut from the show?  (If her episode makes the cut)
• A guy who stays on the same street as me has been parked on one side of the street for a long time.  One of those really big older American cars with custom paint and some expensive rims.  No door handle on the outside -- that would mess up the smooth exterior look.  He moved the car to the other side of the street.  I guess he was keeping it on the one side of the street so that everyone wouldn't see that he had rims only on one side of the car.  The other side just had regular hub caps.  Hopefully he will save up some money and get the other pair of rims.

There is so much more, but thinking about it all at one time makes my head hurt and makes me want to scream or something.  Perhaps another day I will share more of my youngsters' antics

Let them eat cake

Another season of track behind me. Of course, there always has to be some kind of drama associated with the trip. This time it was the school's credit card being declined when I go to check in at the hotel. What?! Yes. Declined. It was already after school hours, so calling the AD didn't help much. Thankfully, though, he put the total on his card over night and called the school people in the morning to straighten it out.

Friday at the track, I had a moment where I almost reverted to anger over the old school State drama.

Sat talking with some of the people I coach summer track with. The guy who used to interview me when I was at the old place came up and sat down with the crew. Of course, he remembers me and asks if I saw how the old school did. I said yes. I was there the first day and checked in the second day to see how it ended up. He asked if I was mad I left so soon, I took a deep breath and told him that I had to leave for teaching reasons (sanity) and that I even though BG doesn't tell other people that he gets his ideas from me, I know, the other coaches know, and the kids have to have some sort of an idea. I told him that that team is like a cake. I made a home-made cake -- picked out the ingredients, made sure they all went well together, threw out the bad stuff, kept the good, baked, tasted, rebaked, until it was all good. BG has not just taken the pre-made batter, but still has the original cook adding the icing on the top.

My analogy that brings me peace. Cheesy, but it works.

The weekend was great. Even though I had just one kid competing, I had his brother come along. The kids are so awesome. Had me cracking up constantly. Coaches were cool too.

To top it all off, I was privileged to witness the high school national record holder for high jump. (Sucked that the year I get a high jumper through to state, there is a kid who has jumped 7'5 3/4" and is ranked #9 in the world.) Very nice to see.

And the summer track girls I help coach from the various schools did great. The high school I graduated from won the whole thing on the girls side.

And I didn't have to come out of pocket on the trip -- first time in years.

Now just one more day of school. Then a teacher work day. Then summer vacation. (My mantra and goal is to do like the munchkins (little people) from "The Wizard of Oz" -- "We get up at twelve and start to work at one. Take an hour for lunch, and then at two we're done. Jolly good fun."

More bitter than sweet

Throughout this track season I have had some days when I question my decision to leave my last coaching position. I guess it wasn't a choice to leave that job, more to leave the teaching position and all the b.s. associated with it.

As the season progressed and I continued to see my old kids excel, it got even harder. As my new crew of kids try to adjust to actually working out and having to sweat, occasionally hurt, and learn new form, it got harder. I still love my old kids and wished them the best.

The current coach called, emailed, or texted me weekly to get ideas for workouts and who to put in which events and what orders to run the relays. I even helped my replacement when he had questions about how to work with the lady-coach that is there. It was like I was coaching two teams.

This past weekend, they won the State championship. Awesome, right? I worked 5 years to get them to that point. Got really close last year - 4th place with very few kids at the meet. I went to watch them the first day. Saw them break some meet records - awesome. Even was texting and calling one of my all-time favorite athletes during my drive to Jefferson City giving him advice after he asked my opinion on how he should run his race that day.

I was still coaching him through his final meet.

I proceeded to help the coach see what he could tell his kids about that evening so they would continue to run well the second day of the State meet.

He did awesome. Won the 100, 200, 400, and a relay. They won the whole meet. Set a new record for their class for the most points scored in the State meet.

Sweet.

I want nothing more for those kids to do well. They deserve it. They work hard for it.

Yet bitter. I have rejoiced with them, but at the same time I am bitter that it will not be my name in the records for coaching them. I am bitter that I am not the one being interviewed. I am bitter that the current coach, who has been blowing up my shit to get advice, has not once mentioned me in an interview. That bothers me. And the main guy who interviews the coaches at the school knows me and what I have done to bring the program up. The other guy will be anointed coach of the year in the fall when we have our state conference of coaches. I doubt if I will get a shout out there, either.

Bitter.

What makes it even harder is that I've only got one kid who made it to our State meet for next weekend. I understand and accept that I have taken on a greater challenge at this school. I understand that the competition is way harder here. I understand that I am starting over just as I did at the last school and that it may take another four years to build a competitive program. (Seriously, I am working with kids of such unheard of levels that I had one boy run a 400 and pee on himself during the race (while running a 68-second quarter), I had a kid think he was a superstar 100m runner and then run slower than all the girls at a meet that occurred elsewhere in town the same day, I have had guys quit the team, kicked kids off the team, had kids who preferred to go get an oil change rather than work on handoffs leading into the District championship, and so much more that I may get into another time.) I understand that I am at a bigger school and that that provides me an opportunity to (possibly) do even more than I did at the last place. I have what has turned out to be some pretty awesome colleagues (though some of them complain about stuff like little punks). But it will be hard to get to the point where we are truly competitive in the conference and state level where we are positioned. I accept that.

It upsets me that I am so upset by all of this. I am not usually bothered. When I coached at the other school, I never really did it for the accolades. Right now, I am definitely not doing it for attention - if anything, at this point, I am not ready to let people know who is coaching the 15 second 100m runners, and the 11 foot long jumpers. I take pride in my work, I have some kids who have drastically improved over this season, but I'm still not ready to be sporting the team colors and logos all over my clothes.

Question is, why am I letting myself get so bent out of shape about this?

Not sure.

I am hoping that after this weekend, lots of sulking, some venting, very few congratulations, some over indulgences of various kinds, and continuously laughing at the Mike Tyson-singing-Phil Collins preview to the movie "The Hangover" I will finally be over it.

I don't like feeling bitter.

On a mission to make that money

I guess that people think that the more annoying they are the more you will give in to them. Not only am I having to listen to the annoying interruptions of my NPR shows on the radio, but also something even worse at school.

I don't know who thought of this idea, but the Key Club is trying to raise money. Not sure for what. Their technique is going to really kill me.

They are playing a song each day on repeat before school, between classes, after school, and I think they are going to try and find a way to do it during lunch as well. They will continue this process until their monetary goal is reached.

What lovely song did they introduce this morning as the #20 (I think) song on Vh1's Greatest Hits of the 90s? What song is stuck in my head even as I type this? What song is going to lead me to choke every kid that just walks by the people standing in the hall trying to collect money without donating anything? What song is going to lead me to do like the corporations do on NPR and match whatever is donated just so that this all is over quicker?

None other than "MMMBop". "Yea-aa yea-aa. Can you tell me who will still ca-aa-aarree?"

I guess this stuff works. I always give money to the station to get them to shut up and get back to my regular programming. And I am going to bring cash to school to help this song end.

I think that I am going to embark on a similar plan at the school until the superintendent and the school board raise either my personal pay or the salary scale to meet my desires.

I have a few options I am pondering:

• Pass out liberal propaganda to all the students and wear liberal t-shirts and jeans with holes everyday.
• Reserve the most expensive hotels for the State track meet (one suite for each student-athlete) and any other conferences I attend.
• Constantly play the scene from the Fugees album when Praz is in the Chinese restaurant and the guy tells him "Like Burger King, have it your way" and jumps the counter. Over the projector speakers in my classroom. All day. Every day. Well, I might mix in some of the songs, too, since I still love that album.
• Call in sick every other day and not leave any sub plans for the substitute teacher.
• Come to school with my Sigg bottle filled with something quite a bit stronger than water and get progressively drunk as the day progresses.

Not sure which one will lead to more money for me.

I'll think about it.

They're BAAAAaaaack

As I prepare for day two of the USATF National Championships (which went really well for us day one with us garnering a national championship in the 4x8 young women's division), I leave you with these thoughts:

1. The ride to Omaha was quite pretty, though the two hours from KC to here were the longest, straightest most full of corn I have experienced. Seriously, I only saw one other crop growing in all the fields that we past. I guess they are really trying to push the ethanol.

2. The track facility here at Burke High School is amazing. Nebraska really knows how to support athletics. I only have one complaint. Birds. For those of you who don't know about my disdain for the flying fowl, please read this post: fear of birds.

The ones here are really getting to me. When I am sitting on the West side of the track by the finish line, which is the preferred side, they are constantly flying overhead. They don't seem to care that we are all sitting there. They don't even seem to have any regard for our need to release all the fluids we intake in order to stay hydrated.

THEY FLY INTO THE BATHROOMS!!!

So I am forced to either not drink fluids, or to try and hold it all until we leave the meet for the hotel or for somewhere to eat or to get a diaper like that old NASA heifer. Though I am able to pry my eyes off the sky for our athletes, when we don't have an athlete on the track, I am constantly looking out for falling poop instead of watching all the races.

3. Deuces. Off to watch the prelims of the 200m dash.

Oh, and thanks to Christine for this link to the possible identity of the artist from yesterday's post of Bansky's art from Time Magazine: Bansky: an Artist Unmasked.

My will and testament - though I just wanted to know the weather

I've been calling the local time and temp number more lately than usual due to coaching summer track. Sometimes its to check the weather before I head out so I know how to dress. Sometimes it is to find out a few days in advance if it is going to rain the day of a meet/practice. Sometimes it is during the meet because I am so hot and sweaty and gritty that I just have to know if that is going to be the day when I literally fuse to the bleachers or melt into the material of the track and meet my death.

Lately when I call it is not the ad for American Equity Mortgage with the guy with the super country voice telling me to call 839.99-99.

Instead there are different ads that start like this:

• 80 people a year die from lightning strikes in the US...
• Taking a weekend trip without the kids? Before you get in that car or on that plane...
• Don so-and-so was struck by lighting twice. The second time was 27 years to the day after the first strike...
• 70% of the people that die in thunderstorms are men. Ladies if it is raining outside and your man is not home...

Each ad ends with "You should stay safe inside and plan your estate online." Followed by the website address to the company.

I know that when you get married or when you have a child you are supposed to write a will, but this is some serious shock advertising. Especially when I just want to find out if there will be any respite from the heat.

It makes me want to write a will and I don't have many possessions to will to any one. I don't have a lot of money and I'm not like the idiots who didn't realize that their money was only insured up to 100,000 dollars American and had to rush to take it out. Two reasons I am different:

1. I took government/economics freshman year of high school and Mr. H taught me well. I remember a lot of things from that class including information on the stock market, some various aspects of how the government works, and some random facts about some friends who signed up with me for that summer school class so we would have more room in our schedule for elective classes during the upcoming regular school year. I don't know why I remembered that monetary amount after all this time, perhaps because it was a goal to eventually have to divvy out my money into multiple banks because I would have multiple hundreds of thousands.
2. I did not reach that goal. I don't have that kind of money. The digits that make up my savings account are quite measly right now.

But, even with my nothing, I feel I should rush to my lawyer boyfriend and have him work out a will for me. It will be a simple one.

• My couch to Kid Sis #3 because I have already given one to #2.
• My tv to Cassandra since she gave it to me in the first place.
• PS2, DVDs (minus SATC, The Joy Luck Club, and Finding Nemo which would go to Sisters), video games, PC, printer, iPod, CDs to my man.
• Apple computer and accessories to Kid Sis #1 and The Brother.
• Books and backpacks to Kid Sis #2 for my nephew so he can be educated and worldly as well as some to various former students and colleagues.
• Clothes to sisters first, whatever they don't want would go to my former students and some charities.
• Pictures, sculptures, and artwork to the fam and the man.
• Clarinet to whichever person I know who can pawn it for the most money.
  
• And if there happen to be any Whole Fruit Popsicles in the freezer upon my death I will those to whichever family member or friend comes upon them first.
• Money would go to pay for funeral expenses. Still not sure if I want to be cremated or not. Any left over (yeah right) would go toward paying off my current $270.99 in credit card debt and then on to some charity I would let my brother choose.

That's it.

Quite possibly one of the simplest wills ever.

Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Signs of a non-drug free city

There is something about this town that screams of drug use.

Perhaps it is the signs as you come closer to the town of Tulsa that read something along the lines of "Be careful of hitchhikers, they may be running from the law, or may be escaped inmates."

Or it could be the multiple anti-meth bill boards that are sporadically placed throughout the town.

Or it could be the woman who awaited us at our motel. She was scantily dressed in a scanky silver tank top and had the skin, jaw line, and teeth of a chronic meth user. She also was, at the time, escorting one man out of her room and a few minutes later welcoming what appeared to be her pimp into her room. After we showered and got ready to go to dinner, she had about 5 more "gentle" men in the room and at the doorway.

Or maybe it was the woman we saw on the way to the track who was on the sidewalk accompanied by two police officers, her tall bottle of vodka, and the "meth look".

Or maybe it was the waiter we had at dinner. He had the trademark sunken cheeks and was missing ALL of his front teeth. Toward the end of our long dinner, two elderly people came in and waved him down. I have never in my life seen a woman look as pale white as her -- and I have seen some WHITE people. Not only was she really white, but she had a couple gold front teeth, and the super sunken cheeks. By the way she greeted our waiter, I figured that she must be either his mother who introduced him to the product, or possibly his former piano teacher who rewarded him for his perfect recital with some perfect shots of that perfectly deadly drug. He was super friendly and despite a few times where after saying what we wanted he immediately forgot, and despite him being gone for his "smoke break", and despite the so obvious hicky/rope burn marks on his lower neck, he was really good. Probably some of the best service I have received at that chain. Garnered him almost an 80% tip. Yes, he was that good. Plus I felt that maybe, just maybe, by treating him well and praising him for the good work he was doing (verbally and monetarily) maybe he would turn a new leaf.

Maybe.

Or maybe it was the the three boys who repeatedly popped in and out of the restaurant. They would alternate between skateboarding outside on the sidewalk, walking in and going over to talk with someone at the bar, and walking to the hostess stand and strongly sniffing the various colored markers that were left on the stand. Since it was really late, the hostesses were not at the station so they got some serious sniffage each time.

Two more days of this environment as we handle ours at this track meet.

Hopefully this is all a good lesson for the kiddos about why they should not use hard drugs.

Joining the nut-jobs

I am not a super tidy person, but I am not messy. And when I am eating, I like for it to be somewhat clean. Especially when I am out eating -- I don't want to see other people's junk, I don't even really like to watch other people eat.

So, imagine my disgust/confusion/total lack of understanding for the conditions of the Colton's Steak House here in Poplar Bluff, MO where I am attending a track meet.

What was bothering me?

Deez nuts!!!

Sorry, I had to throw that in. But, really, it was nuts that were bugging me at the steak house.

There were nut shells all over the floor -- ALL over the floor -- from the entry way, to the restrooms and everywhere in between. So many nutshells that when I walked to meet our crew, I almost slipped five times; when I sat at the table, the chair legs constantly were slipping.

At first it was really disgusting to me. Basically just sitting in people's used, discarded, possibly spit-filled shells. I began wondering when the last time they swept the floor must have been. I figured it is probably a once monthly chore.

Then the extreme hunger started to confuse my mind even more. I wanted to join in. I took some empty nut shells from the container at the center of the table, held them in my hand for a moment, and then eagerly, gingerly threw them onto the floor behind me. Kind of refreshing. It was like everything I am against. It is like everything my mother told me not to do.

The fine, warm bread rolls came, and I was transformed to my happy place -- good bread tends to do that for me.

Once the fullness from five rolls set in, my inner Merry Maid also set in. I looked behind me onto the floor and was again disgusted and confused by it all.

This feeling remains with me still. I just can't understand how/why they would want their establishment to look that way.

Despite my disgust with it all, I ate more than I could comfortably fit in my stomach, I left a good tip, and made sure that on the way out I dropped a few more peanut shells on the floor for good measure and waddled very carefully out to the door.

A marathon gone wrong

Was the race really this serious?

Come on, now!!!

Champions, profiling, it feels like... burning

State went really well. Got my first meet plaque -- pretty nice to have the first one be a state one. Awesome seeing so many of my athletes on top of the podium. Great having coaches recognize my work with the kids and say they are afraid of what we will produce next season.

Only a little bit of drama at the hotel. They saw us coming in and called for security to find out "where the party is going". What?! I had to go off on them. Especially after the guard they sent up was really rude to my coaching staff. Went to talk with the manager who was really not trying to hear anything I had to say about how a bunch of African American people who are happy does not mean there is going to be a party going down. He said that he saw two girls skipping into the hotel, and then a group of boys following them. Ummm... none of them skipped in. And you couldn't see that my big old 40-some odd year old throwing coach was with them, along with two upper 20 year old males, and two grown women? You didn't remember checking us all in the night before, saying that we were the 5 chaperones? I reminded him how when we checked in, I told him we were here for the State track championships. He had even wished us luck. I told him that his way of dealing with the issue and the guard's way of talking with us was uncalled for. Let him know that it was offensive as a person of color to have someone make assumptions about us that were completely unjustified. Of course, he wasn't trying to hear me. Of course he continued to try and cover his ass. In the morning, I talked with a different manager who was much more understanding and said she would deal with the other guy.

I am burned. Yes - brown people can burn. I usually just peal a bit on the nose and maybe some on the shoulders. But that is usually after repeated days (more than 5 in a row) in the sun. This was just one day. My shoulders are actually kind of red underneath the brown.

It hurts. Yesterday after the meet, I could not even put a shirt back on to cover the tank. My shoulders are tender to the touch. Even the seams of my t-shirt hurt them. The bed sheets hurt. Rolling over in bed was a problem last night. The shower beads of water hurt.

I know that you are supposed to put some kind of aloe or something on them from listening to all my white friends, but when I went to the store, there were too many options to choose from. Fortunately, there was a kind white woman who assisted me in understanding what to do -- take some ibuprofen, try not to wear any straps of any kind that put pressure on, and get this spray stuff to cool and help heal the skin. She was very helpful. And didn't even look at me weird when my dark brown-ass said I was sunburned and needed some advice.

So far, the spray is not really working. Actually, that is not completely true. It feels great when it is first sprayed on, but after it dries up, it really makes no difference. The can says to spray no more than 3-4 times a day, but I think I am about to spray again. That will make 3 so far today. May have to go back out and get some of the gels. The lady said those cool, but don't have the analgesic power of the spray.

The weather still feels wonderful today. I guess this is how white people get so burned -- I want to go back out there and stay for a long time. I already went for lunch outside, now I want to go run (which I should do since I have the desire and haven't done so regularly in years), or just walk, or sit and read outside. But, unlike some fairer skinned people, I will cover my stuff up so it does not burn more.

Reasons I can't sleep.

It's 6:23. I have been up for an hour. Anxious, excited, nervous, stoked.

State track starts today. And I am officially a track coaching dork all of a sudden. The kids should do really well today (knock on wood and my head twice).

We got here later than I wanted since it took us 1 hour and 45 minutes to get from the school to the junction of Highway 40 and 70 -- damn that Highway 40 construction. But we made it to the track at Lincoln and the kids got to warm up and look around. One room (which I have never seen) was open (a sign?) and we got to see the plaques, one of which I hope to win.

Dinner was super late at Applebee's. We got there at nine and it took about 30 minutes to get all the drinks together, and another 40 minutes to get all the food. Of course, mine was last. I started feeling hungry around 4:15. When I don't eat I get cranky. When I am super hungry, I just feel like going off, or passing out. Since I am the boss-lady of all of this, I had to prevent either from happening, and try to keep a happy face as my stomach began to eat itself.

That digestion of my innards led to some uncomfortableness around 2:20am when I awoke with pain like none before. I guess the food I finally got did not get my stomach and how it likes to digest food. I was in the bathroom for about 45 minutes. But it was a lovely, spacious bathroom. At the same time as I was sitting uncomfortably, I kept hearing some male voices who I initially thought were my kids. I wanted to go to the hall and check, but kept having spasms that kept me from moving off the toilet. I finally realized it was not my people when one drunken man came out of the room (in opening the door, he managed to slam it aginst our adjacent wall six times) and said "Damn skippy." I didn't know people still said stuff like that. Maybe it was his drunkenness. Or maybe he was really country.

Since it is graduation this weekend, it took me about 45 calls to find a hotel with enough rooms for all of us. But we lucked out in getting two suites for the kids and the male coaches. Two stories, living room, fully functional kitchen, two bathrooms, two bedrooms, one king size bed, slight balcony -- super tight. The other rooms aren't too bad either with huge flat screen tvs, king sized beds, and huge bathrooms.

Events start at 11. Wake up calls go out at 7:30, so I now have one hour to try and go back to sleep, or at least try and get some rest, as I won't be able to do that again until about 10pm tonight, at the earliest. I don't know how long I will make it with only about 4 hours of sleep. At least it is going to be sunny and warm today. I might be able to bust out a tank top for the first time this season. Crazy since it is usually so hot during track. I also might wear some shorts for the first time at a meet this season.

I am amped. The kids are ready to go. I am hoping to accomplish big things over the next two days.