08 May 2012

What's good?

Complaining is contagious.

At the start of this year, I started a mission of not complaining as much as before.  There have been several days where my goal was to not complain even once.
From a post where they describe a strategy to stop complaining.
I'm not really one for a lot of warm-fuzzies, but that would
be better than some people's incessant complaining.

Since I have started limiting my complaints, I have really noticed other people's complaining.  There is a person I work with who complains so much that I really can't even be around him anymore.  I walk into the main meeting area in the morning and often have to walk right back out because of his complaints disguised as stories.  

Last week, he mentioned to me that we don't talk as much anymore and that I seem to rush through lunch on some days.  It took all in me to not tell him that it is because I don't want to be brought down by talking with him.  That he needs to start the old two-for-one that a former colleague implements with her students (if a kid says something negative about another student, the negative student has to say two positive things for each negative; the nice things cannot be related to their appearance, either).

I'm debating if I should step up and say something to him.  He is well into his 60s and is often really sensitive to what people say about him, so I'm not sure how well me telling him to change would go over.

He's not the only one at work that I tend to avoid due to their excessive negativity.  Assistant coaches for track sometimes suffer my avoidance (as much as possible), too.  I don't want you telling me the bad things about coaching or negative things about your athletes or negatives about the weather or the workout facilities.  Tell me something good.

The emphasis of the positive is the antidote to the contagiousness of complaining.

This emphasis is what has led some people to adopt a straight forward, positive greeting to avoid negativity:

"What's good?"

20 comments:

  1. Being around people who uplift you is so so much nicer (and healthier) than the other kind of people. I think I complain too much too (to my husband) and you have inspired me to try to be more aware of it and KNOCK IT OFF!! haha - thanks!

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    1. So true!! Glad I could inspire you, when you are more conscious of complaining, it is easier to stop, or at least minimize it.

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  2. Constant complaining is one of the worst kinds of negativity, and those who do it want company. I avoid these people like the plague that they are.

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    1. They definitely want company! I think it shocks some of the people around me when I don't contribute to complaining. But hopefully, they see that there is more to talking with people than just venting and complaining (though, sometimes it may actually be necessary).

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  3. I know plenty of people like your workmate, but I honestly believe he's probably enjoying every minute of his complaining. Some people are weird that way, and savour misery. Therefore, you're asking him to change something he likes because you don't like it (although you're probably valid for doing so). The world is awash with negativity, so the best way to deal with it (in my opinion) is to find a way of letting it all bounce off you, and not absorb it. Easier said than done, I know! :)

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    1. I would be willing to bet that he is enjoying all of his complaining and that it would be hard for him to change to minimize his complaining.

      Definitely harder to let it bounce off of you, but I will continue to try.

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  4. I have been noticing the complaining much more recently. Although there is one thing that grates with me even more; there is one person I know and everything is black or white, love or hate. The slightest annoying thing someone does and they hate them. I simply can't understand how someone can have that level of feeling for relatively minor issues. I have started to distance myself from it as much as possible, although tryig to let it bounce off me is an option. As is the greeting 'So what do you know?' instead of a previously used 'what's up?'

    Having said all that I ended up complaining didn't I, Doh!

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    1. At least with your complaint, you have found what could be a solution - distancing yourself from that negative person. That's at least more productive than just complaining and not doing anything about it, right?!

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  5. This totally hit home with me!

    I've made it a goal of mine to complain as little as possible during this pregnancy, because quite honestly I am so lucky to be experiencing all these "negative" side effects> Some people would take the worst morning sickness in the world if it meant that they would be blessed with a child.

    Like you, lessening my complaints has brought a whole new light to my eyes! I think that we all get in the habit of complaining and then continue it without really noticing how much we are really doing it. Perhaps people just need it to be brought to their attention and they might try to correct it like we are!

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    1. Congratulations on your pregnancy and congrats on recognizing the blessing of a child rather than the negative experiences you may encounter during gestation!

      I agree that people don't recognize when they are complaining - it is basically a way of life for many of us until it is brought to our attention.

      Thanks for commenting and best wishes with your pregnancy!

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  6. this post has inspired me to be more mindful of my complaining. i don't complain that much, i think, but it's always good to check in with yourself. thanks!

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    1. Glad I could inspire you! I think that even if you don't complain a lot, people will start to notice that you are doing it even less than you were.

      Thanks for stopping in!

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  7. Love this! In my world (dramaturgy), the immediate impulse is for beginning-career 'turgs to talk about what they LIKE and DON'T LIKE about a playwright's script. Of course, since they're trying to be helpful, way too often, the conversation sticks to the latter. (The thought is that the playwright will want to change what their readers don't like. It's a completely backwards way of thinking.)

    It's a totally not-helpful way to have a conversation! The "sandwich method" of remarking on something positive, asking questions, and then giving more positivity works SO MUCH better.

    I've been called a Pollyanna, but I keep getting hired. So there. :)

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    1. I guess in your profession the complaining or finding the negative things could be helpful to help you change them to more positive things in your scripts. Even more so if you guys share the positives of the scripts, too.

      I like the idea of the sandwich method! I will have to try that out.

      Reminds me of the 2-for-1 method my fellow teacher uses.

      There are definitely worse things to be called than Pollyanna, too! Glad others recognize your positivity and that it is getting your work!

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  8. I do not think you should say anything to that guy at work. If he is in his 60's, he is most likely set in his ways and actually happier complaining. If you point this out to him, aren't you complaining about his complaining?

    I, unfortunately, can be a complainer. I try to work on this all the time, but it is hard! (see??) I prefer to view it as "constructive criticism"-- ha! It is still really complaining though!

    Besides people that complain, I have noticed that there are some people in our lives that just zero in on negative things, like for example, they know that you do not get along with your brother so they say "How is your brother?" almost to stir the pot! You have to avoid those people too, or just change the subject.

    Bottom line, surround yourself with happy people!!!!

    best,
    MOV
    ps-- what works for me when someone is complaining a lot: I say to them "What are you going to do to change it?" This stops them dead in their tracks.

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    1. Good points! I agree that he may be too set in his ways to change from so much complaining.

      It is hard in the workplace to not complain, but I guess it if is constructive, it is at least a bit better than just pouncing on the bad things in a person with no suggestions as to what they can do to improve.

      I love the idea of asking what a person will do to change the thing they are complaining about. I will try this during lunches when he complains.

      I really appreciate your ideas!

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  9. I think it's a smart move to avoid those who complain a lot -- it certainly makes my mood better (and then I complain less too). :D

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    1. Avoiding complainers really is a stress-reliever, isn't it?! And, I agree, doing so really does lead to less complaining.

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  10. Replies
    1. Isn't it a great one! I should put it up in my classroom and in my home.

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