23 November 2009

I still feel free and don't want to look back

I am a really laid back person.  I don’t get really upset about much (except traffic and bad drivers).

But today while I was stuck in some traffic while taking a different route home from my parents house, I experienced feelings I hoped I would never have again.

I was driving on the street by my old workplace and was stopped at the light by the street that leads to the school.  I was already frustrated that people were not driving at decent speeds so we could all make it through the short light, when I saw a sight that upset me.

I glanced to the left to see who was pulling out of the perpendicular street so I could know if I needed to leave space for them to turn in front of me (yes, even when angry with traffic, I can still be nice to drivers).  I did a double take and saw her.

The superintendent of the school. 

I just started remembering all these feelings of the past:
  • Lack of acknowledgement
  • Losing my first blog when a student told her about it and she read of my feelings toward her after she basically got rid of my friend, colleague and a good teacher
  • My lack of patience for the lack of care for teachers’ outside lives
  • Her saying that women should not have children if they want to be good teachers
  • Her taking teachers out of the classroom so much they don’t feel like they are ever with their students
  • The incredible headaches I started to experience the last 2 years of teaching there
  • The days I would feel like Cinque in the movie Amistad and would actually scream in my head "Give us, us free!"
  • The principal that always had me wondering why he still had a job
  • The amount I care about a lot of the teachers still there and how much I hope they all get out of there or that things change significantly to make their jobs easier
It all flashed in my mind pretty quickly.  I felt rage toward her and was glad that she was not turning to go in my direction.  If she was, I would have really wanted that rubber car I hope to create one day so that I could ram her a few times.

Fortunately, it all passed once I got through that light.

Then, I was at peace knowing that I am not there, and that my job is easier, and that I have more time outside of school, and I no longer suffer from debilitating headaches.

I am out of that cult-like atmosphere.

1 comment:

I share my thoughts and would love to read your thoughts, too.