I'm not sure. I know that I like routine and predictability. I know that I like that I know where I work, when payday is, where I can buy good groceries, what shows I like to watch. I know that most mornings, I will eat a bowl of oatmeal with granola and fruits.
But at the same time, I want change.
I hear people at work talking about how they will retire in the school (and they are decades from retirement) and it make me cringe. I hear people say that they will live in Saint Louis forever and it takes everything in me to not visibly furl my lips. I see the discomfort it causes when I purposely sit in someone's "seat" in the faculty lunchroom and I enjoy them having to sit somewhere new.
But at the same time, I haven't taken necessary steps to bring the changes I want.
I think that in some ways, I am so content with the routine of my life that I am afraid of making giant leaps. I want new things, but I don't necessarily want to deal with the risks associated with them.
When changes happen, I deal with them pretty well and usually like the outcome. So why is it with the big things, I am more afraid? Fear of failure is a big part of it. Fear of letting people down and having to go back to the old ways is another factor.
I need to get over myself and move on.
That seems to be a theme in my life right now.
This was my Stream of Consciousness Sunday. Simple... free write for five minutes on the prompt or on your own thoughts and then link up with allthingsfadra. See all the other links and read Fadra's post on her site. Today's prompt was, "How do you feel about change? Do you like routine and predictability? Does it bring you comfort or discontent?"
Beautiful. Very well said, on all accounts.ReplyDelete
Thanks!! I really enjoy the mind-dump of SOC Sundays.Delete
I read somewhere recently that humans like a sense of security (obviously right?) but we also crave a certain amount of uncertainty in our lives too. It keeps us challenged and interested. I had never heard that before but it rings true for me in my life. I agree with you, that any time I have taken a leap it's always ended up okay, but every time I am about to embark on something new, I am a bundle of nerves all over again. Just go off of your history and Know that you'll be okay like you have been in the past. You're smart, resilient and driven. Really, nothing can stop you. (oh and Bold...cause you actually sit in people's "seats" just to challenge them? LOL that def takes courage!!)ReplyDelete
Thanks for compliments and words of encouragement, lady!Delete
I think it is so crazy how people are so territorial about their seats in the faculty lunch room! So entertaining!
I definitely like a sense of security, but I also definitely need to embark on more new things and things that challenge my mind and my nerves. Like you said, I know that everything will likely work out... it's just a matter of starting the action steps necessary.
"I purposely sit in someone's "seat" in the faculty lunchroom and I enjoy them having to sit somewhere new." I loved this comment!ReplyDelete
Change can be scary especially if you orchestrate it and then there's the "what ifs". I like when change finds me. Then I make a plan to deal.
Thanks! I love doing it in the lunchroom. It became a deal where some people even started trying to get there early so I wouldn't take their spot.Delete
I want more changes to find me, but need to put in work to make that happen.