09 February 2012

Rest and reflect on discontent

For day eight of the 31 Day Reset I rested and reflected.

The question I reflected on that was most disturbing to me was, "Which exercise [from the week] did you struggle with the most and why?"

I didn't struggle with any of the exercises, but the day 2 and day 5 assessments of my life, what I value, and how I am working/not working toward valuing my values were tough.  I realized that I dislike quite a few things in my life, and that many of the things I dislike are things I have, at least some, control over.  

It is difficult to see myself this way.  To know that I am the real reason why I am not doing many of the things that I value and that I am holding myself back.  

Why am I doing this?  

Perhaps a large part of it is laziness, another large part may be that I am fairly comfortable in my lack of contentment - I have a steady income and a roof (though one I am literally afraid will fall down) over my head.  Another part is fear; fear that I will f-up, fear that I will not do the right thing, fear that I will become uncomfortable.  Another part is not knowing what to do in some cases - but with many of the things I value, I know what I need to do, and how to go about doing them.

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